Praise My PANTS In Whom My Girly Bits Flow
by LauranTheBiscotti
Summary: Starts before ATMBISBM,then during ATMBISBM,then after ATMBISBM. Heavy Gee/Dave,heavy Gee/Masimo and heavy in the PANTS oo-er . What if Masimo leaves for London...and Gee went with him? PLEASE R&R ! FINISHED FINISHED FINISHED...PART TWO COMING SOON
1. Hello,God,Are You Listening?

This takes place sort of during is bits of Book 10 inserted (Oo-er!) but the ending has been changed, so to those who've not read Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me, I'd not read much or else you're going to get REALLY,REALLY confused, plus there's a bit of spoilers in here so, don't say I didn't warn you!

Because I did !

I don't own ANYTHING.

**Hello, God, are you listening? **

**Saturday, September 17th**

**10p,Bed**

This is beyond any normal type of pathetic.

It is tres, tres, and three times patheticos.

I am at home, on a weekend, before midnight.

Gaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

**5 Minutes Later**

All because I did the Twist with Dave the so-called Laugh and loon extroiddannaire.

And excellent snogee.

**1 Minute Later**

No, no ,bad brain, shut up.

I mean Masimo is the excellent snoggee.

Masimo, my gorgey, Italian, Sex God boyfriend...

**1 Minute Later**

Who may very well be a handbag lover.

I think.

**4 Minutes Later**

I mean, Dave has got a point (leave it).Masimo takes a lot of time doing his hair, he spends a LOT of time on how he than me, which is a bit freaky, really.

And he carries a handbags.

**1 Seconds Later**

I mean shoulder bag.

**10 Seconds Later**

Isn't that essentially the same thing?

**3 Minutes Later**

Good Lord, I am dating a secret-Homosexualist.

**5 Minutes Later**

Maybe that's why gets the hump with me every time I dance with Dave.

He's got as secret-Homosexualist-type crush on Dave.

He wants to snog Dave the Laugh.

OOooooer!

You're not the only one mate.

**12 Minutes Later**

No, no, I mean...anyways , how could he snog me if he's a Homosexualist?

I could se how he'd snog Wet Lindsay if he was, with her big forehead and practically-not-there nunga-nungas she looks like a bloke.

But I've got huge nunga-nungas and a normal forehead, to take the attention off my huge honker of a nose which is completely dad's fault. I got my nose genes from him.

**2 Minutes Later**

Oh my dear Lord Sandra, what if he only snogs me because of my nose?

It must remind him of my Dad and give him the horn.

**1 Second Later**

Good Lord, Masimo even wants my dad.

He must -why else would he snog me?

It can't be because of my fab snogging skills.

**3 Seconds Later**

I don't think...

**3 Minutes Later**

I snuck downstairs to see if the coast was clear, but I needn't bother-Mum and her portly partner were on the couch watching a movie about some naff pirate named Captain Blood, and were snogging.

But mostly snogging.

Erlack.

Sneaked back upstairs to the phone.

**On The Phone (not literally you fules)**

Come on, come on...pick up...

"This is the Vati, leave your name and number and I'll ring you me how much you lurrrrrve me and I'll call you back and chips."

"Hello, Dave this is Georgia. I have something of the tip-top importance to talk over so can you ring me back immediately?"

I was just about to replace the receiver but then I remembered what his message said.

I said as quickly as I could "Oh and, er...I love you ." and slammed the phone down.

Shoo, that was exhausting. I'm going to bed.

**Phone Rang**

Was just drifting off to BoboLand when the phone rang .

Who would call so late?It's probably one of Mum's naff mates.

I'm going back to sleep.

**2 Minutes Later**

I am about to pull the phone out of the damn wall.

It will ring about 4 times, then stop, and I think "Oh good, now I can go back to bed" and I get all snuggly buggly...and the phone starts ringing AGAIN.

**1 Minute Later**

Went to the top of the stairs and yelled down to Mutti and Vati "The phone to your home is ringing!" but Vati just yelled back "Answer it then!" and went back to whatever he was doing. Something horrific probably.

Erggg..

Went to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello, City Morgue?""I would have thought if it was an emergency you would have picked up long ago."

"Hullo, Dave."

"You don't sound happy to talk to me, Kit Kat."

He sounded a bit he was coming down with a cold or something.

"I WAS asleep but some loon kept ringing and then hanging up."

"I am that loon."

"Ah, right, sorry."

He laughed-Cor, he's got a gorgey laugh-and said "It's OK what's up?"

"You're not with Emma are you?"

"No, she just left."

"Oh, is she OK?"

'Well, she was-"

"Oh good,"

"…until she heard your message when I was in the loo and seem to have gotten the wrong idea from it."

"Oh er, I didn't mean to ..like, I mean..."

Good Lord, I'm turning into Ellen, Queen of the Ditherspaz.

"You're not turning into Ellen are you?"

"No, I mean..What I meant to say was I didn't mean to er, interrupt anything."

"You weren't. She was already upset when she came over."

"Oh, why?"

"Seems she heard about me snogging someone else."

"Oh no."

"Oh. Yes. I denied it and everything was going peachykeen but the she heard your message and well, you can guess."

"I'm sorry to hear-"

"I was going to break it off with her anyways. I just couldn't figure out how to do it gently"

"What was, I mean-er, like.." I trailed off.

He laughed but not a Dave-The-Laugh-laugh, it was more of a 'This woman is mad' laugh.

Bollocks, he's not going to be an un-laugh is he? I need a laugh, at times like this.

"You spend too much time with Ellen."

"Yes, well, a minute seems about 60 seconds long around her"

Dave actually properly laughed and said "Too true. At any rate, she was too nice and I didn't deserve her, Emma I mean."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Not that she was too nice-she was very was off-putting how nice she was. She was so nice she honestly made me want to drive a nail through her forehead, she was so bloody chipper all the bloody time.

But no, what I couldn't believe was that he didn't think he was nice enough.

He is makes me laugh, and has got nice eyes and a nice smile and nice lips...ooer, hello Jelloid-Leg City !

I realized I hadn't said anything for a moment, and said "Well, she's a nutter if she doesn't see how nice you are."

Dave chuckled and said "Really, and how nice am I kitty Kat?" in a really low voice.

Oooh, jelloid knickers !

"Well, you've got nice eyes and a nice crinkly smile, and you're always very nice to the titches that stalk you, even if they don't deserve it, being ginger titches and all, and -"

He butted in "Are you going to propose to me or tell me what your big emergency is?"

I felt my face go beetroot.

"oh, right, well, er, I was just wondering -"

Yes?"

"AmIagoodsnogee?"

I could literally feel his smile through the phone. "You rang me at -bloody hell, Gee, at 11 o'clock at night to ask if you were a good snog?"

Pause "Yes."

"Hmmmm, well, ask your self this, with all the girlfriends I've had, who do I end up snogging the most?"

And he hung up without answering.

Huh.

**In Bed**

What does he mean, who does he snog the most?

How should I know? I don't follow him around on dates, tallying off snogs like a sad stalker type.

It's not like I was stalking him...

I've only stalked Lurve Gods, namingly Masimo.

**14 Minutes Later**

And Sex Gods named Robbie.

But still.

**Sunday, September 18th**

**3pm**

Up at the bum of dawn.

I could have slept longer but Uncle Eddie is here for Baldy-O-Gram practice, and I don't think I could sleep through all the shouting and whistles.

And that's just Libby.

**3 Minutes Later**

Went downstairs to find Mum and Libby red-faced on the couch, and Uncle Eddie and Dad in their under crackers dancing to "Stayin' Alive" by the BeeGees on the coffee table.

Why, I ask you, WHY ME?

I tried sneaking into the kitchen but Mum spotted me and shouted above the music "There you are! About time you were up! Want to join us? Uncle Eddie is having a Disco Special in 2 weekends."

I shouted "As much as I'd love to stay and help destroy your youngest daughter's life, I don't" .

Mum threw her shoe at me.

Lovely.

She turns one child into a porno stripper before age 5 and the other she practically starves and beats.

I should call Esther R. on her party line.

**10 Minutes Later**

With my luck, though, she'd come out and see Uncle Eddie in his codpiece y-fronts and want to join him.

Lordy, what a mental image.

**My Room, Hiding From Any and Every One Downstairs**

With all the usual madness going on round at my house I've completely forgot about Masimo and the fact that he's not rung all bloody weekend (almost).

Huh.

**2 Minutes Later**

Does that mean I have now yet again become a dumpee?

**40 Minutes Later**

Rang Jas.

At first she pretended she had to do Maths homework, which in anyone's language means snogging her boyfriend.

Except in Jas' language-in her own voley, sad language it means she actually IS doing her homework.

How sad.

Never mind.

In the end I convinced her to come round, with the promise of cheesy snacks.

I desperately need someone to talk to vis-à-vis Masimo that's not completely loony, dithery, or makes me go jelloid and stupid like Dave sometimes does.

**10 Minutes Later**

Hold the phone, since when has Dave the Laugh sent me to Jelloid City?

And Stupidville?

Since never, that's when.

**3 Seconds Later**

Until now...

**2 Seconds Even More Later-er**

No, shut up brain.

I did not go jelloid, just because he's got a gorgey-porgey smile, great lips and is a fabby kisser, and ...

Er..

**5 Seconds Later**

Oh bollocks, where was I going with this?

**26 Minutes Later**

Oh, sod it.

I can't remember and all this thinking has given me a terrible what's more Jas will be here any minute and I've not got the cheesy snacks prepared yet, i.e. opening packages of cheesy whatsits and arranging them attractively on a plate.

**My Room**

With all that's going on in my 'love'(hahaha) life I completely forgot about the Loon Situation downstairs until after Jas was exposed to them, and I mean that literally.

After we had escaped back to my room Jas collapsed on my bed and could only squeak for the longest time.

It started to make my head ache like billio so I shoved a Jammy Dodger halfway down her throat After she stopped choking and coughing, she called me a few choice words that would turn even Granddad red.

So I shoved another Jammy Dodger in her mouth.

I didn't even know she knew words like that !

At any rate, after she stopped coughing and choking she said "Can I leave or are you going to try to KILL me again?"

"oh shut up about your self for one minute and let me talk. I am having a serious dilemma in the PANTS department."

"Ooo-er."

"What?"

"I said "ooer"

"Yes I know, but why?"'Because you said you had a serious dilemma in the PANTS department, so I said ooer."

"No I didn't"

"You did."

"I did not!"

"You did."

It could have gone on forever like that but fortunately (or unfortunately if you look at it any other way) Dad burst in.

Thank Buddha and God and Baby Jesus he was wearing PANTS this time. "You girls wanna come join the pahh-tyy?"

I could have killed him. Jas turned very sensationally red and only could squeak.

Oh, God, not THAT again.

I held a pillow over her mouth and said "Dad, we've got Maths to do so will you pleasey please GO AWAY."

He said "Fine, but you're missing a good one!" and he went out shaking his bum.

I got up and closed the door, pushing the dresser in front of it, then sat back on the bed.

Jas was still red-faced, except for round her nose and eyes.

"It's not like you've not seen one before."

"Well.."

"You have seen one of...those, remember, the nuddy mags Elvis had in his Pervs' hut?"

"Yes, but that wasn't er, up close and ...real and hair-" I shoved a handful of cheesy snacks in her mouth before she could finish.

Jas knows how visual I am, and I do not need THAT mental image. I am very sensitive and something like that could seriously scar me for life, if Mum's ginormous nunga-nungas flowing free and wild already haven't.

And yes, I know, I could say about a million scarring-by-mum's-breasteses-jokes right now but a) I am too tired and b) Jas shoved me off the bed and said "God, if you're going to be rude I'm leaving" and stormed out.

What?

What did I do?

Great, now not only do I have a headache, a semi-nude father, and a Baldy-O-Gram for an uncle, I've got a bruised bum.

Thanks, God, thanks a LOT.

**10 Seconds Later**

Not.

**In The Loo**

Even better, I have a blackhead the size of Tibet (how ever big that is) on the end of my nose.

It looks like I have a second head coming off my conk.

Wonderful, just wonderful.

God, will you please just, like, KILL me now and get the humiliation over with ?

**35 Minutes Later**

Still waiting for the Big G.

**1 Hour Later**

Still waiting...

**30 Minutes Later**

Great, instead of smiting me he has sent a lunatic in the form of my mad, nude little sister.

Why does she insist in sleeping in MY bed?

And nude nonetheless?

**2 Minutes Later**

And upside down?

**20 Minutes Later**

Please, Baby Jesus, I know I don't really pray much except when I want new shoes or whatever, but I really, really meant it this time.

And not like when I said I really really meant it but didn't.

I really do mean it this time.

Really.

Please send me a sign-any sign- of what I should do about this whole Masimo fiasco.

Please let me know if I should ring him, or if he's dumped me, or what, PLEASE...

**45 Minutes Later, No Signs Yet**

Hmmmm...maybe that was too complicated a question.

Maybe I should just ask for, like one sign at a time or something.

But what should I ask first?

**12 Minutes Later**

Please, Baby Jesus, please send me a sign if Masimo is going to ring me ever again or not.

I would really really really appreciate it if you did.

**2 Minutes Later**

Oh, and I am super sorry about setting that pensioner on fire.

Really.

I am.

**1 Hour Later**

Hello, God, are you listening?


	2. praise my PANTS !

I own nothing-Louise Rennison does,lucky duck !

**Praise My PANTS, In Whom My Girly Bits Flow **

**Monday,September 19th**

**8.15a**

Up a bit earlier than usual.I want to make sure Jas doesn't get to Stalag 14 without me.

I want to know how Jazzy Spazzy is going to carry on her campaign of _ignorez-vousing_ me when I refuse to me _ignore-voused_.

**8.25a**

Thar she blows !

She senses I am here and she is putting a bit of speed on.

**8.29a**

Aaah,I have got her into my bottom is waggling only meters in front of me.I am going to do my world-renowned speed walking.

**8.32a**

My nose is a centimeter away from the back of her beret.

She is still pretending i am invisible girle,but she must be able to hear me panting.

I pulled out a Jammy Dodger and held it in front of her loves a Jammy Dodger.

**8.35a**

Even when I ate the Jammy Dodger walking backwards in front of her she didn't even slow down.

OK I am going in.

I leapt on her unexpectedly and pulled her beret right down over her even then she kept marching on like nothing was only when she crashed into the postman,who was bending over filling his sack,that she had to stop and take her beret off.

The postman went bonkers and shouted at her to stop "playing silly buggers !"

I have said this before and I will say it again,how come anyone who puts a badge on goes immediately insane?

And,anyway,why do they need a badge?

A badge that says 'postman' or 'caretaker'.

Don't they know who they are?

I took advantage of the brouhaha and stepped in front of to eyeball.

i said "Jazzy,it's me,your old pally."

She was all red and her fringe looked like a tumble-dried ferret.

She said 'I know it's you.I know it's you because everytime anything happens or someone is shouting,you'll be around."

I kicked her in the shin and went in.

How can she say that to me? It's not MY fault.I'm just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

All the tme.

**Assembly**

When I got to Assembly I sat in my usual spot next to her, but she made Rosie switch her,so now I have to listen to her mad ramblings.

And today's song "Old 100 (Praise God From Whom All My Blessings Flow), aka Old 100 (Praise My PANTS,In Whom My Girly Bits Flow") allowed excellent comedic work.

**R.E.**

What is it with Mis Wilson? She's obsessed with the camping trip when she,I think deliberately,exposed herself to Herr Kamyer in the shower.

And now I think she's gone sex mad.

I said to Rosie "Is she wearing lippy?Or has she just eaten a Strawberry Mivvy?"

Rosie was making a little beard for her pencil case so she was a bit 'busy',but she took the trouble to look up and said 'Most people wear lippy on their lips,not on their nostrils and at least she is giving it a go."

I wish she wasn't 'giving it a go'.

We were having to discuss the Song of Songs from the Bible, about some old ancient bloke who was a king and a ye olde handmaiden type person.I think it's mostly about snogging,but not as we know it.I said to Jools,"What does 'he put his hand on my lock' mean when it's at home?"

Jools said "Ask her."

I had nothing else to do,and Miss Wilson would go boring on if I didn't interrupt I had done all I could to pass the time,even my toenails,sooo...

I put my hand ,actually,I put them both up as a sort of an orangutan.

I said "Miss Wilson,if we translated ye olde Bible into modern language-you know,that made sense-well,what number on the Snogging Scale would 'he put my hand on my lock' be?"

Miss Wilson went sensationally red,nearly as red as her nostrils and chin.

"Well,Georgia,erm,yes,that is interesting...yes,make a connection between biblical love and rituals and so forth,and,erm,modern vocabulary,erm..."

Rosie put aside her beard because we sensed a comedic all stared at Miss Wilson's bob.

We were not disappointed The bob was in full bob.

**Geogoggers**

Every time the class door opens my heart jumps, thinking it's Masimo here to sweep me off my feet.

And every single time I'm disappointed in the form of Slim.

Hells Balls, even Slim should be disappointed in her form.

She actually has less of a form,and more of a blob-shape.

She's like the Blob.

A big,shouty blob.

**2 Minutes Later**

Drew a picture of Miss Slim as The Blob, devouring Stalag 14.

I gave it to Rosie to pass round the Ace Gang, but when it came to Jas she read it, then frowned.

I thought for one horrible moment that she was going to show it to Miss Simpson , but instead she wrote a note on it and passed the picture back to me.

The note said

"Georgia-

You should really spend more time on your studies and less time on such childish things.I am not going to let you copy off me forever (yes,I know you do it); what are you going to do when we're in separate unis?

I'm sorry about this weekend-I forgot how visual and selfish you are. If you can, can we meet at the park swings after school?I need to go over something with you anyways.

Jasmine"

I wonder what she wants to talk about?

I tried to ask her a few times but each time she just stared pointedly at Miss Simpson.

I even said to her "Careful,you stare to much and you may put her on the turn." and she still ignored me, though she did turn pink round the earlobes so I know she heard me.

I wonder what she could possibly have to say to me?

**Break**

Ok, Jas can't ignore me forever.

Not only will my homework suffer, because I always end up copying off of her whether she knows it or not,but also I have no one to talk to about Masimo.

Rosie only wants to discuss her wedding plans (she's decided she's going to wear a furry garter),Jools is moping about,wondering of Declan likes her for a snog or more,and I can't talk it over with Ellen because once again,Dave is somewhat involved, and Ellen is still depressed over this whole Dave-and-Emma thing ,and they've been dating for,like, a MONTH now (Dave the Laugh and Emma have, not Dave the Laugh and Ellen...or Emma and ).

I feel like if I don't go out and talk to SOMEONE,ANYone about my situation,I may very well implode.

**2 Minutes Later**

Found myself,sadly, hanging round the loos hoping the titches will come by.

What is this world coming to,when I actually WANT to talk to the little ginger knobettes?

Did see them though,and I had to go back up the two flights of stairs to class.

And what's more,I snagged my new tights.

I don't even know why I bothered putting them on. It 's not as if Masimo is going to show up in the middle of class, say "I am sorry , Caro, I was a-stupid and I love you." and sweep me off my feet,and we drive off into the sunset to Roma.

**2 Minutes Later**

Well, drive, then ferry over, as there's an ocean thing in the way.

But still.

It won't happen.

**German**

It's not often that we get two comedy opportunities for the price of one,but happy days here we are.

Herr Kamyer had hardly any time to adjust his knitted tie before Rosie started.

"Herr Kamyer,we just had a _sehr_ interesting talk with Miss Wilson.

Herr Kamyer was blinking through his glasses in a kindly and interested 's tragic said "Oh,_ja_?"

Rosie said "_Ja,_it is _sehr sehr_ interesting .it was from the _der_ German Bible vast ist -"

Herr Kamyer said "Der word _fur_ Bible in German is-"

Rosie said "Vat _der _German Bible_ vas ist der _translation _fur _'he put his _handchen _on my lock'?"

Herr Kamyer looked like a goldfish in a knitted sweater .

He said "I'm afraid I do not know dis expression."

I said "It is _int der _ Bible,Herr Kamyer,_int der _Song of _ist _about _der Knutschen_!"

Rosie was in her own German snogging world by now.

She said "Would it be _Abschiedskuss_?"

I said "Or perhaps AUF'S GANZE GEHEN !"

**The Park **

As the last bell rang there was a mad dash to the gates.I hung behind walking slowly to put on emergency makeup just in case Masimo showed (oo-er),but he wasn't waiting for me.

I must have looked miffed because Ro-ro put her arm round my shoulders "He'll ring. He 'd be a dim git not to." which made me feel better some.

When we got to the park,Jas was already there,sitting on the swings with her head down.

I thought she might be sleeping so I crept up really quietly behind her to scare her,but just when I was centimeters away Jas said,without looking up "Don't even think about,Gee."

I went around and sat on the swing next to I could see what she was working on -she was building a mini teepee out of sticks.

She was playing with sticks like a fringey thrush.

_Tres _mad.

I almost said that, that she was a nutter for playing with twigs, but then I remembered she was here to tell me something so I said instead as interestedly as I could, "What's that for?"

She looked round at me "For mine and Tom's camp-over next weekend."

I said "I don't think you two will fit in it. Isn't it a bit small?" and she gave me a Look. You know the kind, mums are especially good at them.

At any rate she gave me the Look,then went on "It's a model for the teepee we'll be staying in together."

"Oo-er"

She looked at me "Wot?"

"You're going to spend the night,together?"

"Yes,so?"

"Oo-er!"

She set her twig teepee down and turned to look at me in the swing "Georgia, what ARE you going on about?"

"Well, you are going to be spending the night together in a small space over the night. Isn't that a bit like a minibreak?"

Jas thought for a bit,which was a bit scary if you ask me.

She said slowly "I guess it is, sort 's your point?"

"Well,it's like..you know..."

Oh good Lord not this.

Jas raised an eyebrow "Are you turning into Ellen?"

I playfully shoved her. "Shut your gob.I was just thinking...isn't minibreaks for rest and relaxation and...trouser snake dancing?"

Jas turned red and let go of the swing to clap her hands over her mouth,making her fall backward off her swing,her skirt going over her head exposing her ginormous pantibus to the world.

A bunch of Foxwood 'just happened' to pass by at that moment,and started calling over to us.

I had to jump up and pull Jas to her feet, no easy task as she weighs about as much as an elephant. And even then the boys were still yelling out things like "Give her a snog!" and "Show us your nunga-nungas!"

I turned to give them two fingers but that just made them laugh harder.

At that time Dave walked saw me and stopped,looked at me,at the Foxwood boys hooting and carrying on, then at Jas on the ground.

He squared his shoulders and said "Right, who wants it first?"  
The Foxwooders came and sort of formed a ring around us, like a pack of horny, deranged wolves,staring at Dave.

I've got a bad feeling about this,like I did the time right before the Fisticuffs at Dawn fiasco happened.

**3 Minutes Later**

They're all still standing here,sizing each other up.

I don't think I've ever seen Dave not blink so long before.

This is honestly scaring me a bit,plus the cold is making me have to go to the Piddly Diddly Department badly.

**2 Minutes Later**

Maybe I should say something...

I opened my mouth to say something to Dave but then the biggest one with the biggest lurker I've ever seen on the end of his chin said "Give 'e the one with the big jugs and we won't hav'ta kick your arse.",meaning ME, and Dave punched him in the mouth.

Lurker Boy stood there in a reached a hand up to his mouth and looked at the blood on his hand,sort of foggy-eyed for a second then said "Right, this is getting boring. Le's go Lads." and they all turned and walked off.

Dave punched someone for me again!

Well,actually he did it for Jas and me,but mainly for me because they were talking about MY breasty business,not Jas'.

Anyways, Dave patted Jas on the back "Are you OK?"

Jas said "Yes." and Dave looked at me "Alright?"  
I smiled at him and said "Alrighty as,er,two things."

This sort of mesmerized Dave because he stopped and stared at me for the longest time,and it felt like everything was slowing down,like when we're about to snog.I even felt my lips start puckering up on their own but then I heard, like far away through fog, the voice of the fly in the ointment in the form of Emma "There you are,Davey!"

I quickly turned my lip-puckering into whistling and Dave looked at me a bit oddly until I realized I was whistling a Rolf Harris song.

I stopped.

Emma bounded over like the great bounder she is and gave Dave a peck on the cheek.

I noticed she tried to kiss him on the corner of the mouth but at the last second Dave turned his head, tee hee hee.

"Hello everyone! Brilliant seeing you again Gee!"

Really ?Is it?

I didn't say that-I just I smiled and nodded with my mouth shut.I know how my lips tend to go on holiday on their own and say things without me even realizing I was saying them.

And what's more I could feel the words "Bounder" and "Useless" forming on them, the two best words to describe Emma.

**25 Minutes Later**

Emma is still standing here chattering away like a mad canary about homework ("Isn't it exciting!) and how lovely the sky was and blah blah blah.

The more I stand here the more I can feel my lips wanting to say "daft' and "drip" .

I elbowed Jas. She looked at me and I jerked my head in the direction of my road.

At first she didn't get it, so I had to open my eyes really wide,look at Emma and Dave then jerk my head home-wards about a million times until I thought my head was going to fall off, before she got the idea.

**Walking Home**

We walked on in silence for a bit until we got to Jas' gate.

She stopped in front and looked at me,not saying anything.

**25 Seconds Later**

She is still standing here, what is this,Staring Day?

**12 Seconds Later**

I tried to stare back at her without blinking but it made my eyes water like mad.

"No matter how much you stare at me,I'm not going to do any tricks."

Jas sighed and said "You are so dim!",shook her head and went into her house leaving me on the pavement,once again in the Valley of Confusion.

Again.


	3. yeth,i have certainly got big breaths!

**Yeth, I Have Certainly Got Big Breaths!**

**Friday,September 23rd**

**5p**

Letter from Masimo when I got in.

The gist and nub of it is that he thinks he overreacted some and acted a bit out of line.

The letter also said (well,wrote) that Dave had been round to his and said that me and him were just mates having a laugh.

But (and this is the worrying bit) Masimo said he thought maybe I am too young for a relationship with him.

He doesn't know.

He is thinking.

He wants me to think,too, and will call me later .

So basically,it's like 'S'laters.'

**5 Minutes Later**

He just signed it Masimo.

No kisses or even "I am missing you and want to snog you within an inch of your life.".

Am I semi-dumped?

**15 Minutes Later**

The only person I would like to talk about this with is the Hornmeister but I can't.

I'll have to ring Jas.

**8p**

OK,I rang Jas and told her about the note.

"I think what the note means is that I have got another chance to show I want to be with him and that I am not a twisting fool.I am,in fact,a sophisticate beyond my so on."

She just went "Hmmmmm."

"He is,in fact,asking me to reveal my inner maturosity of which I have got bloody bucketfuls, and, as it is, he is requesting me put away my inner minx is what I think."

"Hmmmmm."

What does she mean "Hmmm"?

"Hmmmmmm" does not mean "Yes,yes,I agree with you."

It means "Hmmmmm"

Anyways,she can "Hmmmmm." away,I am going to start my campaign of maturosity tomorrow.

I've got a a plan, but a Plan.

The Luurve God re-entrancing plan.

1."You are never alone with your lippy and mascara." I am going to make a sort of pouch that fits under my bra and PANTS so that I have a secret supply at all if the Luuurve God pops up unexpectedly (o-er) I can refresh by reaching for my pouch.N.B. Make my pouch out of nice softy soft material so that I can wear it to case the Luuurve God pops up unexpectedly in the night. (Oo-er)

2. I will exude sophisiticosity with just a hint of glaciosity.I think the European Luuurve God likes this sort of is,after all,not a crude Viking like Sven,who who quite frankly wouldn't recognize glaciosity if it hit him in the the eye. On the contrary,Sven would think you were playing hard to get because you were a lezzie and that would give him the Horn.

3. Be Nice.

**4 Minutes Later**

Be nice. This means regrettably I will not be disco dancing like a twit when the Stiff Dylans play. I will waft around like a ..wafting thing on waft tablets.I will laugh loudly,but at no time don a false beard.

False beards are over.I will never wear the beard again.

Ditto horns.

And finally ..

I will not do arm wrestling or any kind of wrestling with Dave the Laugh.

Dave the Laugh is no longer a laugh to me. He is Emma's boyfriend and my mate.

Actually,I wonder where he is? I haven't seen him for yonks.

Ah, but thinking about Dave the is not in this re-entrancing document.

I wonder when Masimo'll ring me?

**phone rang**

Was just settling down into Bobo Land when the phone rang.

Thank God I wore my special pouch to bed.

Quick dash of lippy and -ready.

I picked up the receiver "Hullo?"  
"Hello, Sex Bomb who're you doing?"

It was Dave the Laugh! My heart skipped a little beat.

"What're you up to?"  
"oh causing chaos, setting myself on fire, you know, the usual .So, Chaos Queen,how's every little thing?Is your girlfriend still stropping around,rifling through his handbag,or is it all tickety-boo?"

"Well,he wrote me a letter. I haven't seen him in about a week. It 'll be the first time on Saturday. He says we should take it easy a bit and that maybe he overreacted a bit."

Dave said "A bit?That's like Hitler saying,'Oooh,I just meant to go for a little walk,but then I accidentally invaded Poland.".

'No,Dave,it isn't anything like that."

"You didn't know Hitler invaded Poland did you?"  
"Of course I did."

"You don't know where Poland is,do you?"  
"Dave,I am not a complete fool."

"Where is it then?"

"It's clearly,you know,near.."

"Yes?"  
The top bit."

Dave laughed."You're good value,KittyKat."

I was a bit red,but at least I had avoided saying that I was sort of 'on trial' maturositywise with the Luuurve God...

Dave said,'So you'll be at the gig on Saturday?"

"Yes,will you be there?"

"Probs."

"Dave?"  
"Yep.."

"Well,Dave,will you,can you,will you not be too funny and talk to me and so on?"  
"You want me to not talk to you and not be funny and so on?"  
He sounded a bit weird.

I said "Only until,you know,the whole thing,the whole pants and comedy twisting thing dies down."

He said "You must really like him.."

I didn't say anything.

He said "Listen,I have to dasharoo.S'laters." And he hung up.

I think he's miffed.

Dear God,you just get one boy of the numpty seat and another one goes and sits on it.

**Saturday,September 24th**

I feel much better and excited about seeing the Luuurve God again and impressing him with my sophisticosity.

I feel as cool as a cucumber that has been lying around in a fridge reading books on coolness.

**phone rang**

It was Jas.

"Where shall we meet?Hey,guess what?There's going to be an international band management-type person coming the Stiffs go on world tour;would you give up your education to go with them?"

"No,of course. What is pleasure and travel and luuurve compared to knowing how to say 'I have broken my glasses' in French?"

**In My Bedroom**

The only blot on the landscape of luuuurvenosity is sneaking Mum's shoes out of her wardrobe without being thrashed to within an inch of my life.

I must not arouse her temperosity in any way. She has been in such a bad mood lately.

I must be like the wily fox.

Foxy and wily.

Here I go as a foxy-wily thing.

**In The Kitchen**

I said "Do you want a cup of tea,Mum?"

Foxy wily,foxy wily.

She looked at me.

"Have you got my perfume on?"

I resisted the temptation to strop off and said "No,it's just that well...I'm really excited about tonight,you know,making it up with Masimo and.."

She smiled at me.

"It's lovely being so into someone isn't it?I remember when your dad used to.."

Oh no,she is going to talk about her feelings for Dad.I must stop her,and also get her to go out so I can get her shoes.

**2 Minutes Later**

In a fit of hysterical madness,I have found myself agreeing to go to the Wild Park with her tomorrow.

How did that happen?

I just said,"You need to get out more." Now I'm going out with her.

I meant to get her shoes.

**35 Minutes Later**

She has gotten herself tarted up and left,selfishly with her purse.

Ah,well,life must go on.

**In My Bedroom**

I have given myself a French manicure because that is vair vair sophisticated. And also because I don't know what an Italian manicure is.

**Phone Rang**

Dad yelled up,"Georgia ,it's another of your mates again.I am trying to work out a new dance routine with the magnificent baldy-o-gram and am constantly interrupted!".

I didn't bother to reply.

He is wearing shorts around the house.

What if a normal person unexpectedly pops round?

He has leg hair that stops at his knees.

How grotesque.

I am beginning to feel a bit sorry for Mum.

It was Rosie on the phone.

"Sven has cooked me a Viking snack."

"What is it?"

"Deep-fried Mars bar.I feel like I could paddle for miles now and still do a spot of raping and pillaging at the end of it."

Just to check that my lecture on sophisticosity had got through to the Ace Gang,I said "What are you wearing tonight?There is no beard involved,is there?"

Rosie laughed,but not in a re-assuring way.

"Toodle pip,see you at seven thirty."

**7.15p**

I got Mum's shoes,although they are not what you would call comfy. They are what you would call agonizing.

I'll wear my ballet pumps till I get there.

Oh,I am so nervy.I nearly stuck the mascara brush up mynose.

God,I may be turning into Ellen.

She's only phoned me eight times to tell me that she is sooo excited about seeing Declan.I think that is what she do you think?Or something?Shut up!

**7.45p**

We're going in.

It's an amazing club. It 's got a sort of 'chill out' room.I know that because it says so on a sign.

Ellen was going "Is it like...if when...you know,you're hot or something and..."

Ellen should really live in there. She is so dithery at seeing her 'boyfriend' that she can hardly keep her head on.

I got my stilettos on.I am full to the tippy-topmost of sophisticosity and _je ne sais quoi_.

Except in the knicker department,which has a touch of the jelloid about it.

What if Masimo has had second thoughts and he just comes over and says"Face it,love,you're dumped?" Although he of course would say 'dump-io-ed."

I saw Dave as soon as we got in to the main bit of the club. It was kind of hard not to-he was up on the stage singing "In The Still Of The Night" dressed in black,black,with a hint of black.

Phwoar is all I can say.

I can see his lashes from here, they're sooo very long.

Not that I was looking,Masimo is my one and speaking of which -

I looked round to my mates "I don't see Masimo."

Rosie said 'The set hasn't started yet,so maybe he's backstage getting set. Let's grab a seat nearer the front, so he can see you as he goes on."

I said "OK" and started leading them up, but then I had a thought and stopped and turned round quickly.

Jas was right behind me and there was nearly a boob-in-the-eye incident.I pushed her off "Back off,lezzie."

Rosie looked over her shoulder "What?What? Why did you stop?"

"I can't go up front when Dave is ,I'm supposed to be cool and sophisticated ,and prove that I'm not a girl who likes to have a laugh with her mates."

"But you do like having a laugh with her mates."

"Yes, Jas,but I don't MASIMO to know it." and I headed back to the bar.I heard Jas sigh. Fabby, the night was just beginning and she already had a fly in her knickers.

As we were back to where we came in,the lights went out. There was alot of screaming and stamping about.

I had a feeling Dave was involved.

Rosie shouted "Oy,who's grabbing my bum ?" and I heard one of the Foxwood Lads say "I'm just trying to get to know you."There was a punch,and a scream.

The lights came back on,focusing on Dave and his footie mates on the stage,all dressed in similar suits. In the light I could dimly see Sven pick up Rosie and carry her off.I couldn't see what he was wearing-which may be a good thing.

I asked Jas "Where are they going?" and she said "I expect to snog."

And then the music started.

**2 Minutes Later**

Oh,the hilariousness!

They're singing the Vidal Brother's "We Belong Together" medley thingy,doing shimmies and the whole doo wop thing.

I'm shaking with laughter ,actually,everyone is. It 's a mad house.

I said into Jas' ear lug "Bugger this. Masimo's not on yet,so I'm going to go have a dance." but Jas was too busy rambling on to Tom about toasted newts to listen.

I did a quick re-application of lippy,a dash of mascara then went to the dance floor.

**3 Minutes Later**

Sven has a boots with 3-inch heels.

All we could say for the longest time was 'blimey'.

**15 Minutes Later**

The dance floor is PACKED!

They,and when I say 'they' I mean Dave and Rollo and so on,went from "We Belong Together' into 'Good Golly Miss Molly', and that's not the best part of it.

No,the best part of it was when Dave started dancing like a mad mix dancer,half Michael Jackson,half James Brown,half Elvis The Pelvis Presley,all with ants in their pants.

I can't help but fall about,I'm laughing SO hard.I may have cracked a rib.

At the end of the song Dave jumped into the crowd and crowd surfed, shaking his hips all the time.

It made my sides hurt,I was laughing so hard.

But then I caught Robbie looking at me,like a looking-at-thing and quickly changed it into coughing.

What am I ?

A looking-at thing?

I just really,really hope he doesn't swot off and tell Masimo he caught me laughing at So-Called Laugh.

**8.30p**

Oooh,this is agony,this hanging around pretending not to be hanging around. Where is he?

Then I saw him came out of the backstage area and he was wearing an electric blue suit with a blue shirt .He looked gorgey. He's Italian Sex Stalliany and he's so sort of blokey .And he's so sort of yummy scrumboes.

He has even got a bit of designer stubble and his hair is a bit longer.

Every bit of me is separately jelloid. I know how Slim feels when all her chins are moving in a different rhythm.

He was talking to a group of St. Pat's boys and then two tarts I vaguely knew from St. Mary's came up,thrusting themselves at him, giggling,like hens that have eaten too many worms and were on a worm high,you know what I mean and I think you do.

Mabs said,"You d better move about a bit,Gee,otherwise he won't know you're here."

Jools said "Look,there's a spare stool at the bar. Let's go and sit down at it and then he will had to've seen us walking across."

Good point well made.

We started to walk over to the bar. Bloody Hell,Mum's shoes were high.I'd better walk slowly ,and do the flicky hair,hip to the right,hip to the left thing that boys are supposed to like.I don't know why they like girls who look like they have got false hips,but there they are.

The whole bloody thing is a mystery.

**Two Minutes Later**

It is amazing,though,boys really do like it. At last I reached the table and put my hand on it to steady myself.I'm exhausted.I may have to have a little lie down under the table and...

"Ciao Georgia."

I looked up and there he at me with those dreamy eyes. They looked amazingly bright. It must be the blue suit,but they were sort of like Angus' eyes .Not insane,clearly,but the color was the his skin is sort of olive,and his mouth,welll,blimey is all I can say.I just hope he didn't see me laughing, my nose running wild and uninhibited and free.

**Thirty Seconds Later**

So much for or plan of light sophisticated talk..the Ace Gang were were just giggling and twittering on.

"Ooh,look at your nice shirt..."

"Oooh,hahaha"

"Oooh,I like your hair long,it's...Oooh"

Etc. like a bunch of mad doves.

Masimo said to me ,"Miss Georgia,maybe at the end of the gig,I could walk you home and we could, how you say,have the talk?"

Oh,thank God, he still liked me ,at least a little bit.

The Ace Gang were useless. They all went "Oooooo,Miss!"

I shot them daggers and they collapsed in mad laughter.

Die,die,die ,die...

I smiled at him (a contained smile,making sure that my nose didn't spread all over my face).I just smiled enigmatically and kept tight control over my nostrils.I wanted to say something,but I had lost control of my bits and pieces.

My brain felt quite literally like a bag of wet mice.

He came and stood close to me and touched my elbow. He said "Tonight there is,how you say,the men for management..they are wanting to speak with me in the ,_mi dispiace,_I will not be having you for myself until later...Sorry,_cara..Molto regrettio._"

The he kissed me softly on the hand and then behind the ear,then two little kisses on my neck and then he looked me in the eyes-I was melting,I was melting-and put his mouth on mine.

When he stopped,I came back to Earth and saw the Ace Gang just looking at me. Masimo didn't seem to stroked my hair and said "_Cara"_

I leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek for luck 'Not for the cheek."

"Errr,are you wearing makeup?"

"Is for talent spotter, to look perfect for."

"Even blokes?"

"Si they wear too."

Jas,Mabs and Rosie tried to stifle laugh but it came out as a big group snorting laugh but Masimo heard it and gave them slightly odd looks.

I darted them evils,but Masimo smiled and said "It no big, in Roma, the singers wear it.I have to go back.I starting soon."

I gave him a quick hug and he squeezed my bottom slightly as he left.

As soon as he's gone I looked at the Ace Gang "Don't you dare tell Dave."

"Tell Dave what?"

I jumped about a million feet in the air.I hate it when he does that !

"I hate it when you do that,and nothing."

He raised an eyebrow.

I've got to go to the Poo Parlor. Rosie,Jas,Jools,Ellen,Mabs,Hons, can I talk to you?"  
"While you're going poo?"

I looked at them,opening my eyes really,really wide and raising my eyebrows.

Eventually they got it, and hopped up like sardines,and saying "bye Dave" they trailed after me to the loos.

As soon as we got into the loos,and I don't mean we all sat in one stall,I mean we chased out everyone else so we could have some privacy for ourselves,Rosie said "Phwoooaar."

Jools,Mabs and Hons went,"Whoooooooaaaaahhh."

Jas said "Cor."

And Ellen said "He...that was...your ear...and er...so on."

I had to sit down quickly as the bottom part of me had turned into a jellyfish.

Rosie said 'He looked quite sexy in his lip gloss" and I duffed her over the head with my (OK,Mum's) handbag.

**10 Minutes Later**

Jas tried to pretend that she had only said "Cor" because she was finding her inner passion as Juliet.

Right.

As we went out back into the club and found our seats,the band was on stage tuning up and messing about with their equipment...oo-er (leave it).I tried to keep the conversation light and frothy so that I could tinkle (leave it) with laughter (don't even start) and Masimo could see me out of the corner of his eye.

I said to Jas "Speaking of Rom and Jul "

"We weren't talking about the play."

"But speaking of the play, has Miss Wilson found a Rom yet?Why can't we just have a bloke?"  
Jas was glad to get back into boring rambling on about being a sad actor, said "Miss Wilson says that in Shakespeare times there would be no women in the plays so Juliet would have been played by a in our production,so all the parts will be played by girls. Miss Wilson thinks its an interesting reversal"

"Yes,but what she says is interesting is of the 'making our own musical instruments' fiasco.I had runner beans in my knick-knacks for weeks."

Rosie said "Nauseating P. Green would make a cracking Romeo. She's got the glasses for it.".

Jas went very red (tee-hee) and said "Nauseating P. Green is one of the townspeople."

I said "You KNOW don't you Jazzy?You know who your boyfriend is going to be!Come on,tell."

At that moment,Wet Lindsay and her silly 'mates' came went scampering over to the side of the stage and called Robbie to her.I don't think he really wanted is,of course,only human.

I feel really sorry for him.

Jas was looking at them and maniacally fiddling with her fringe and suddenly it dawned on me.

I said 'It's not Astonishingly Dim Monica,is it? Oh,top!Thank you Baby Jesus!"

Jas went really red and said,"No,don't stupid,of course it's not her!"

Then her eyes sort of swiveled to the stage.

Ohmygiddygodspajamas.

No.

We all said "No!"

But it was.

Romeo will be played by Wet Lindsay.

Jas said "It was Miss Wilson's idea."

I said "Well,that's as may be,but you must tell her that you cannot do it! It is against the European Code of Human Rights."

Jas said 'I did!I tried!I said,I said I didn't want to be Juliet in that case,but then she was going to tell Slim and ..."

As she was dithering and rambling on ,Wet Lindsay came over to our table and said "Hi Jas,great news about the play.I can only manage a few of the general rehearsals,but we ought to get together at mine for extras."

Then,pausing only to give me the look of Death,she ocotpussed off.

Rosie said "She wants you to go round to hers for 'extras' if you know what I mean and I think we all know what she means."

I said "Oy,Jas,in the big snogging scene between Rom an Jul...what number do you think you will get up to with Wet Lindsay?Open-mouth kissing with tongues?"

"It's called acting-it's not 's pretend snogging."

I said "That is what you will say to Lindsay,but she won't take no for answer. If she wants to do _Abschiedskuss_ with you,she will."

Rosie leapt to her feet"She might want to do AUF'S GANZE GEHEN!"

And she started doing the flame dance around Jas,going _'whoosh'_ .It was making me laugh alot and not in a girlish,tinkling way.I was trying to pull myself together when Masimo got up and mounted the stage (shut up),instrument in hand (leave it).

**2 Minutes Later**

The place is ROCKING !

Masimo's started on regular songs, like sung by other bands and so first song was "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet.

As the first notes started,everyone screamed and jumped to their feet to dance.I shouted over the noise to Jas "This is yours and Lindsay's song!" and she kicked me.

Oh well,hahahaha and lalalala,I'm the girlfriend of an Italian Stallion SEX GOD !


	4. Resultio!

**resultio!**

**Saturday,September 24th (Still)**

**10.30pm**

I am having soooo much fun.

When Masimo is up singing on stage,I go dance with my mates, but I keep an eye on him the whole time, making sure he doesn't see me dancing everytime he does look over my way I switch to normal(ish) dancing,wafting around and looking attractive and full of maturosity.

Everyone is dancing like mad,even ADM.

When Masimo was singing "Ain't That A Shame" by Cheaptrick, he got to the point where the main singer guy points into the crowd and says "Ah,you know you are." and he did that, and pointed at ADM and she actually fainted,crushing two titches.

Me and the Ace Gang laughed for ages.

**2 Minutes Later**

'Fallen Angel' by Poison is on,but I don't feel much like dancing.I'm too hot.

I went and sat of to the side to watch everyone else dance about stupidly.

Roie danced up to me,Sven attached to her neck.

"I've got a message from the Hornmeister."

"What does he want?"  
"He says -he says"  
"What? It can't be that bad"

"He says to tell you your bottom looks very nice in that skirt."

I looked over at the dance floor to Dave,who was dancing with saw me looking and waggled his eyebrows.

I said to RosieSven "Tell Dave 'You shouldn't be complimenting other girl's bottoms while dancing with your GIRLFRIEND",literally yelling 'GIRLFRIEND' in his direction.I don't think he heard what I yelled,but he got the gist that I was a)yelling and 2 upset about somehing, and looked over at me,puzzled.

Rosie "Ay ay,captain." and shuffled off,Sven still attached to her neck.

**1 Minute Later**

What-what's going on?

As 'Fallen Angel' ended,Robbie went up on the stage and said something in Masimo's ear lug.

Masimo glanced over at me ad smiled and blew a kiss.

Uh-oh,what's going on?

**20 Seconds Later**

Ohmygiddgodsginormousknickers,they're doing a duet-type thing for 'Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Shouldn't Have Fallen In Love With."

They look so grroovy gravy up there,singing 've bost got their eyes shut.

Ummmmm...

**45 Seconds Later**

Was standing there doing dreamy-dreamy about Masimo AND Robbie.

I didn't hear the return of the the Viking Couple.

Rosie poked me in the side. "I've got Dave's reply."

I looked at her "What ?"

"Dave's reply ,to what you said earlier."

"Oh,right,well,what was it?"

"Dave's reply was "Your girlfriend is up on stage so what does it matter?"  
"Tell him he's not my girlfriend! And just because he wears makeup doesn't mean he's a handbag lover!"

"OK,but I don't see why you just don't tell him yourself."

":I'm trying to exude maturosity and sohpisticosity, both of which he's lacking, aLOT."

Rosie said "Alrighty then.I'll tell him" and went off again.

**2 Seconds Later**

It's not as if he wears makeup all the time.

**3 Seconds Later**

Oh,dear God what have I done?

I lept up to stop Rosie, but she was already across the room,telling Dave.

It was 'noddy nod,listen,nod." then he looked up slowly at Masimo, then at me,and grinned.

**1 Minute Later,Loos**

Sitting on a toilet with my feet up so no one can tell I'm in here.

I don't think I could face Dave right now.

I'm on the brink of a nervous breakdown as it is.

Rosie came into the loos,this time _sans_ Sven.

"What happened?I told him what you told me to tell him but then I turned round and you were should go dance-Robbie and Masimo are singing together,they're singing Harder to a MADHOUSE. got stampeded."

I put my face in my hands "I can't believe you told him that Masimo wears makeup."

"You told me to."

"Yes, but I didn't mean know how Dave is."  
Dave said "No,how am I?"

I opened the stall .Dave was looking around,smiling.

'So this is what the girls loos look like?"  
I gave him a dirty look "Where's your GIRLFRIEND?"

He put his face eally,really close to mine "Dancing,where's yours?"

Ooooooh,he makes me SOOOO mad!

I must exude sophesticosity and maturosity at all times though to win Masimo back, and I must do it even when he can't see me.I'm not sure if the foreign types have got a bit of Mystic Meg about them or not and I don't want to take that chance.

I said to Rosie "This is 's go groove" and went out,leaving Dave jut standing there.

**2 Seconds Later**

Haha,and thrice ha !

**30 Seconds Later**

The place is at tip-top madness.

Masimo-and-Robbie are still on,singing Ramones songs.

Right now the'yre singing "I Wanna Be Sedated.'

It's complete and utter madness.

I can't believe Dave would be so callous and useless,and ...well,himself.

Oh,buggeration,I don't even feel like dancing now.

Dave has ruined it for me.

I went to the little balcony area next to the stage that goes outdoors to a little 's very naaiice and quiet out can barely hear anything that's going on inside,which is good.

**20 Seconds Later**

Why does Dave have to be an un-laugh?

Well,actually,why does he try to be a laugh when I specifically told him NOT to?

**10 Seconds Later**

I guess I did bring it a bit on myself,though,telling Rosie to tell Dave about wearing makeup and so on.

But stilll...buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum !

**20 Seconds Later**

I heard the door open and close but didn't turn round.

"I'm not talking to you."

"Molto regrrttio, have I do something wrong?"  
I had a mini spaz.

I turned and smiled at him "Hi."

He smiled and said "Hi" back and gave me a little kiss.I felt shy all of a sudden.

"Are you having funs?"  
:"Oh yes,er,loads."

"I singing and look up, and I not see you, I think 'Is Georgia okays?" and I ask,and Dave said you were out to get air. And here you are."

Remind myself to thank Dave later...after he apologizes to me for being a git.

'I have good news,the talent manager-he like,he like my music, he wants me to come go to London next week."

I smiled up at him "Oh,that's wonderful" and he leaned down and kissed me on the mouth.

We whizzed through the snogging scale, doing a lot of #4 and a bit of #5 when Masimo stopped to check his watch.

He said something in Italiano,I have a feeling it wasn't "Look at the time!" and then said,in English this time (obviously) "I have time to go.I be back, and we finish." he gave me a little kiss and then was gone again.

Crikey.

So this is that it's like,being the girlfriend of a Pop Superstar.

**2 Minutes Later**

When I went back in the Stiffs were playing a new one: "Tell Me About Yourself Sometime."Robbie and Masio are doing lead ,they both looked one of them is my ex and one of them is mine mine miney mine mine.I am indeed the SEX KITTY of all England!

I went over to JasAndTom

"Ciao."

"Are you mad at Dave?He just-"

I cut her off "No,on't be stupid.I was my ,in case you haven't noticed, is an Itallian Stallion SEX GOD."

"OK,well I was just making sure because he came looking for you and he looked worried."  
"Yes,well,I have bigger fish to Italian Sex God for one.C'mon,I've got mad snogging energy I need to get out."

Jas said "I'm not going to snog you,Gee.' and Tom laughed.

**12 Minutes Later**

Back on the dance floor,shaking my groove thang.

Masimo and the band are having a talk with the talent manager guy so Sven is djing.

It's not actually as bad as it sounds.

He plays alot of good music,actually.I have a feeling the club threatened to ban him if he didn't play the songs they approved,like IdlePANTSor The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of PANTS."

He's playing Good Charlotte now,'Boys and Girls".

**20 Seconds Later**

With Masimo gone into a meeting maybe now I can release my inner frustration via mad dancing.

**8 Minutes Later**

Was doing mad dancing to "Paralyzer (No Cut Out)" by Finger Eleven when I felt a pair of hands on my waist.

I thought it was Dave,and turned to tell him off, but it was Masimo !

I nearly fainted. And I'm sure I had redness of the whole head.

I didn't even have time to whip my pouch out (oo-er).

He didn't seem to fact, he said over the noise 'You look I could eat you." Oo-er.

**15 Minutes Later**

Sitting down,having a is backstage getting ready for the next set, and a slow song, 'Bittersweet Symphony',is on so I'm sitting it out all on my lonely.

Dave and Emma are slow smoochy smooch for a bit and then every now and again he does fast twisting to the floor and sort of Cossack used to do that with is really laughing but she's not joining in.I would have joined in the old days

I think I might go to the tarts' wardrobe untill the song's over.

**5 Minutes Later**

When I came back in Masimo was singing "I Want You To Want Me" a la Cheaptrick.

It sounded beyond amazing with his groovy-gravy Sex Goddy accent.

I made me way up front and danced where when he'd open his eyes he'd see me.

**30 Seconds Later**

Yessss,results !

Or,should I say,resultio !

He opened his eyes and aw me dancing by myself, full of glacierosity and sophisticosity and _je ne se quios _nosity and he winked at me.

Jellod knickers all around.

**3 Minutes Later**

Robbie must be coming on next.

I know this because Wet Lindsay 'Accidentally" elbowed me in the ribs,then said "Move it,my boyfriend is on next."

I said "You mean after my boyfriend is know him ,the sexy Italian one with the Italiano accent?" and she gave me two fingers.

I aid to Jools "Whata lovely bloke WOULDN'T want her?" and Declan said "Me and about everyone else in the UK." and we laughed.

**30 Seconds Later**

Genius ! The song Robbie's singing is called 'I Don't Want To Be In Love."!

I said to Jasand Tom, attached at the hip as always, "He must have wrote this song especially for Lindsay' and Tom said "This is by Good Charlotte."

I looked at him "Who?"

Turns out the song was written by someone else, but it still is vai vair funny that he's singing it, and Wet Lindsay is there,dancing in front of him like a foreheadless noodle in a midi.

Which she is.

Tee-hee.

**2 Minutes Later**

Masimo is THE tip-top singer !

He sang the first few words of "Hey Ho Let's Go' by the Ramones and the crowd went screamed so long I was afraid they'd make him deaf (deafio) but he didn't seem to must be used to it,being an international POPSUPERSTAR and all.

The only fly in the PANTS is is Wet Lindsay.I tried to get up front to entrance Masimo with my sophisticosity dancing but everytime I tried to get past her,she elbowed me with her pointy stick elbows.

"Do you mind?"

She smirked "No, not is the big girl's club,you don't even deserve to be is leaving,you London, and I'm going with them.I've only got a few months left before I go away to have what,two,three more years?If that?" and ADM and laughed like a drain.

I don't know why,maybe it was all the frstrated snogging energy,or maybe I was just really,realy sick of her being a slimy weedy git, but it sort of made me snap.

I said "Let's go" to the Ace Gang, and turned to leave when Lindsay said "That's right, leave little one likes you anyhow."

I don't why,or how,it must have been because I had to go to the Piddly Diddly department badly,or maybe I was all nervy from all the dancing and number-5-type snogging, but then I swung back and socked Lindssay in the mouth and did a runner.

**20 Seconds Later**

Ran all the way to the loos.

I had to pass Dave and as I did I couldn't help but notice he was staring at me,agog as two things.

Emma was chattering away but he was just sittng there,staring.

He must have seen what I did.

I shrugged and smiled and he grinned and mouthed "You the Kitty."

Which made me feel very nice and comfty inside.

Thank GOD Masimo and the band had gone back upstairs by would have not been impressed at would have been the opposite of impressed...he would have been unpressed.

**2 Seconds Later**

What does she mean,when Masimo goes off to London?

I mean,I know what she meant by it,but how did SHE know?

Someone else in the band must have told her.

**5 Minutes Later**

I was running my wrists under the tap to cool off when,in the mirror,I saw four little eyes looking at me from under a loo door.

"What in the name of arse?"

It was the Little Titches.

From their hidey-hole they sid "Hello,miss."

"Stop calling me are you doing here?"  
"Wesnuck in he back of the 're not allowed to do anything at 's like parents just watch what they want on television and we have to eat what they have and so on.

Gingertitch said "Do you think we could sneak into the club behind you and just go and say hello to Dave the Lauh?"

**4 Minutes Later**

Came out of the Titches are sneaking behind me, you think hunching houlds and looking furtively arund like madhamsters is was still at the bar,jostling with his sign of was probably off somewhere practicing her Litle Titches were practically vibrating with excitement.I tapped Dave on the shoulder .

"Dave,can I just have a word?"

He turned und nd wasn't even smiling.I said "Well,erm,I've got the titches with me."

They bobbed out from behind me and Dave smiled at them.

"Hello Sex Kitties."

They said "Hello,Dave the Laugh" together.

"They wanted o tell you something."

Dave raised his eyebrows and then looked at me and went "Gnot nis nit?"

I said 'I beg your pardon?"

He looked at me again and went "GNOT nis nit?"

It was like really crap ventriloquism,you know,when someone tries to say 'bottle of beer' as a ventiloquist,without moving their lips,and it comes out 'Gottle og geer'.

I said "Dave,why are you keeping your mouth shut?""

'Necoz nime nog sunosed nu sneek nu uuu."

The Titche said "He says he is not supposed to speak to you."

I said "I never said don't speak to me."

"Nu nid."

"Dave, if you keep this up,we'll be here all night."

"Nay norry."

Ginger said "He says you have to say sorry."

Oh,_sacre bleu_.Oh,alright then.

I said "I'm sorry."

Dave shook his head "Nay norry narti"

Little Titch said "He wants you to say 'sorry Vati'."

I said "Oh,.I'm sorry-Vati."

Dave said "Oh,hello Georgia,I didn't see you hiding behind the Titches."

He is soooo anyway,at least he was talking to me again.I smiled at him and he smiled 's got a lovely smile.

Shut up,brain.

"The Titches wanted to see you and tell you something."

And they all said,togeher "We LUUUUUUUUUUURVE you Dave !"

Dave aid "I love you too." ad hey all went sensationally he was saying it,though, his eyes met mine and for a second my stomach went all swishy and waves crashing.I had to sit down,or else I'd fall over.I was getting all stupid and jelloid.

Ginger said ",you ae the , duddly." and off they scampered.

It was just me and Dave.

"Fanks,er,thanks for that,Dave."

He took a sip of his drink."It's no aren't we supposed to not be talking to each other?"

"That's not wht I said."

"It is."

"Well,I know but I only meat untill Masimo cooled down and got off his numpty seat."

"And has he?Or will he be attacking me with his hair gel when I go to the wazzarium?"

I did'nt want to talk abou the Love God to was making me feel funny.

I said "Did you hear -Miss Wilson has gotten Lindsay to play the part of Romeo?"

That got his attention "Now you're Melanie's nunga-nunga juggling,and now girls Billy would have said 'My tights runneth over'.

I started laughing and Dave looked at me,quite I get near him,I feel at least my lips do...they were puckering up without my permision...noo...he looked down and away and said "it's not going to be topless production is it?"  
Just at that point Emma came back.

I stood up and said 'Well, must be off to shake my groove thing.I'm away laughing n a fast camel." and walked away.

I didn't mean to say the camel bit, it just slipped has that effect on me (oo-er).

**11p**

Yeah ! Masimo is back on !

He walked on in his groovy gravy way and said "Ciao" into the mike and everyone shouted "ciao' back.

"This is song of the country, you will like it lot." and he started singing "We're Not Down" by the Clash.

Oooooooooooh my God I thought I was going to sounds soooo gorgey porgey when he goes "But I'm not dooooown,but I'm not doooown".

I nearly fell over with jelloid legs twice.

**2 Minutes Later**

And it just gets worserer,jello-oidwise.

A slow sort of song came on, I think it was called Hot In The City by Billy Idull.

At any rate,it's a sort of sexy song aleady and even more so when Masimo sings it.

I danced right on front of him doig slow twisting to the ground and back up again.

I must have been doing a good job of it because about 4 or 5 boys I reconized from St. Pat's came and started dancng next to were all moany and lumpy, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Masimo looked a bit miffed I was dancing with others, but oh,well,I am not the Leper of Rheims.

I put my hands over my head and slowly went down,closing my eyes.

I was going to open them when I went back up but I felt a hand on my bum and hot breath on my neck, and then Dave said "You still want to Rummachen unterhalb der Taille?" which made me fall about laughing.

I turned my head to smile at faces were not even a centimeter apart.

I could feel his breath on my was sort of giving me the horn.

Time sort of slowed down and it felt like the room melted away ...oohhgoooooooood.

He looked mesmerized by me."Do .er..I mean.."

And I said "I er...do you...well..."

It was like back on at the camping fiasco when I accdientally snogged him and then we couldn't talk for just said "Ooo' and "Errrm" for the longest time.

It was like that,and we haven't even snogged yet.

**2 Seconds Later**

No, no nononono

I didn't mean yet.

I meant so say,er...

Well at any rate,I didn't mean to say yet.

What I meant was it was like the time after we had accidentally snogged, only this time we didn't snog at all.

We just sort of stood there, staring at each other for the longest time.

My stomach felt all wooshy washy.

I never noticed how blue and sparkly his eyes are before...cor.

I was def. getting a major red bottom.

I sort of felt my lips puckering up on their own,and Dave's eyes widened, but he leant in, like he was going to snog me,but at the last moment, as if it was far,far away,I heard Jas shout "Gee!"

I pulled back and blinked a couple of times.

"What?"  
She grabbed my arm and pulled me to the loos,nearly pulling my arm out of socket.

I looked back as we went in the door,but Dave had already gone.

**20 Seconds Later**

After they had chased everyone out and checked no one was in the stalls, the Ace Gang, and even Sven,stood and stared at me.

"What?"  
"What was that?"  
"i don't know what you mean." but I knew they knew I was lying.

"You were practicall snogging Dave!"

"I was not,we were just dancing!"

Rosie said "Thank GOD Svenny distracted Masimo so Jas could rescue you from the way of the PANTS."

I had a minor nervy b. "Masimo didn't see me-" Jas raised her eyebrows and I looked at her ''"DANCING with Dave?"  
"No, he didn't"

Rosie said "You can thank Sven for that."

and Jools nearly pissed herself laughing.

"He tried to get off with Masimo!"

Oh,dear God.

"Is he ok?"

"He's got a bruised chin."

"Bruised chin?"  
Rosie said "He lept back when Sven tried to snog him and hit his chin on Sven's bagpipe." as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I looked at all did.

"Right,of course he did."

I feel a bit of the heebie-jeebies coming on.

**30 Seconds Later**

Back out in the main bit of the club.I don't see Masimo anywhere.

What if he's got the full humpty-dumpty with me,and will never speak to me again?

It's not my fault that my mates boyfriends are mad.

I wonder if he's gone already?

**2 Minutes Later**

I was feeling a bit of the sheer desperadoes coming,with a hint of the heebie jeebies when Masimo came on-stage, with a bandaid on his chin.

He caught my eye and winked.

Ooooooh.

He said "Ciao,I am back" and started "Surrender" by Cheaptrick.

The crowd went wild and everyone stampeded to the dance floor.I think the Titches got stepped on,but oh well.

**2 Minutes Later**

I am laughing like mad.I think I am having a has decided to dance, and of course that involves alot of twirling about.

And remember,he's in a ,as I soon found out,not much underneath.I almost choked to death.I had to run to the loos to calm down and get a hold of myself (oo-er!).

**3 Minutes Later**

Masimo is singing "Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous." and everyone's singing along, but with PANTS.

Dave is over dancing with Emma, doing the twist so fast he's a blur.

Emna isn't joining in,though.

I would have.

Even the international talent manager is very well,but still,it' the thought that counts.

**3 Seconds Later**

That's probably why he's a talent manager and not the talent bit himself.

**45 Seconds Later**

Masimo looks soooo cool up on stage.I can't believe he's all my owney.

There's only one last song, then it's time to go what's more he said he'd give me a ride (oo-er!).

**10 Minutes Later**

Between songs I went to the bar to get a drink,and Masimo came to me.

"I see you after,we ride home,yes?"  
"Ok, er,coolio."

He smiled and stroked my cheek.

Oooh...I'm melting !

"You have bee-yuutiful eyes, they make my heart happy.I laughing to see for me,caro?"  
I think I nodded.I hope I did.

He smiled and said "Laters" and kissed me on the mouth, then grabbed his equipment (oo-er!) and mounted the stage once again (leave it).

**2 Minutes Later**

The last song was a slow song,"Best I've Ever Had.'

It's a sort of country song but not too bad, but it'd be a bit naff to go dance on my own to a slow song so I went to the bar to sit it out, but Dave was already there.

I hestitated.I don't know if it was a good idea.I can barely control my bits and pieces around him.

But then he looked up and round at me.

I sat down next to him and opened a water.

"You want to do dance?"

"Errr."

I slopped water down my .  
He looked down at my wet shirt and grinned.

I glanced God, no nip-nip exposure.

"There's no need to wet yourself.I am after all,just Dave the Biscuit."

I shot him the evils and he rasied up his hands in front of him "So do you want to do it or not?"

I choked on the water I was took my hand and took me out to the dance floor,even though I was coughing like mad and I was sure I had redness of the head.

He took my hand in one of his hands, and the other hand he put on my lifted my first hand realy high, and waggled his eyebrows.

I said "Dave..." and he said "Relax."

Oh,no,this can't be good.

**3 Minutes Later**

It wasn't.

We started out slow dancing, but it turned into a mad made a vair mad face,like a goldfish,only daft, and was stamping about like a mad Cossak,going "Na,nananaNA' and "Hawhawhawhaw",like how the French laugh,to the music.

We literally went all around the of people had to jump out of the way.I think I stepped on a few's toes.

It was exactly like when Ace waltzed with the old man on Ace Ventura When Nature Calls.

It made me laugh aLOT.

As the song ended I looked up and Masimo was gone.

I dropped Dave's hand and ran up the little stairs to the stage,but by the time I had got to the back,he had already roared off on his scooter.

Bloody hell.

**2 Minutes Later**

I have to find soemone to talk to.

The Horn Advisor would know what to 's well,er,advised in the matters of the Horn and Pants.

Ellen came in all dithery and red.

"Er,like do you...I mean,can I,erm...you know."

I just looked at her "This is a matter of tip-top importance,El,I must dash."

**4 Minutes Later**

I found Dave standing by the bar,by himself.

"Er,Dave,where's Emma?"  
"She went home ages has an early painting class tomorrow."

",did you have fun?"

"Yuppers, mad ?"

'Sven tried to get off with Masimo and cut his chin."

Dave smiled and reaching out,pushed a hair out of my face.

"You have the best mates."

"Well,you're my mate too,right?"

He looked at me."Right." and dropped his put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and stepped back.

"So -Where is the hand...y bloke?"

"He's 's got a er,thing."

Dave smiled,gently "I bet he are you walking home?"

I started to say "Yes" but I heard the distant roar of a motorbike.

I looked at Dave and he looked at looked very sad. "Go ahead."

I gave him a little put his arm around me,just for a second, but it made me feel I wanted to snuggle into his arm and sleep there.

I smiled at him and he smiled back,gave my arm a little squeze, and said "Do not go gently into the good PANTS, but rage." and was gone.

I wonder what he was going on about?

**10 Minutes Later**

Quick dash to the loos to re-apply my makeup,thanks to my little pouch, a dash of lippy,flippy hair..and done!

I took a deep breath and went out the front doors,doing hip-hip,flicky flicky.

Then stopped.

I don't see him.

Maybe I thought I heard him but really didn't.

Great-I'm having hallucinations.

**30 Seconds Later**

An ear-llucination.

**20 Seconds Later**

But Dave heard it too.

Hmmmmmmmmm...

**15 Minutes Later**

Right,Ive waited out here as long as I could,and still no sign of Masimo.

I'm going home.

**45 Minutes Later,Bed**

I've got frostbite of the bum-oley.

Thank God Muttti and Vati are out,still.

**1 Hour Later**

So this is a lovely itenary of my evening:

1)I go to the gig and dance like a mad thing on dance tablets

2)I get into a fighht with Dave

3)Masimo tells me he'll see me after the gig

4)I make up with Dave and we dance,aLOT

5)Sven snogs Masimo

6)Do a waltz with Dave

7) My gorgey-porgey BOYFRIEND leaves with out me.

Whyyyyyyyyyy me?


	5. Mister Arsey Man

**Anything you see and/or reconize here isn't mine...it's Louise Rennison's.**

**please review ! ...**

**mister arsey man **

**Sunday,September 25th**

**11am**

Only just woke up.

The house is naiiice and quiet.

That must mean Mum and her portly companion aren't back from their 'date' yet.

What could they have done all night?

**12 Minutes Later**

I just had a mental image of what they could be doing all night.

Oh dear God.

**5p**

I've got a nice,relaxing face mask on.I've made it myself with mashed-up banana and feels disgustingly having Wet Lindsay on your face. OH MY GOD!

I want to scrub my brain out.

I hope the Luuurve God appreciates ,of course,I don't necessarily want him to know about me being slathered in goo.

**4 Minutes Later**

Was scrubbing my face off when Mum came in.I didn't even hear them come home.

"Heloooo"

I had mini f.t..I looked at Mum.

"Blimey your face is red...Did you have a nice time last night?"  
I shrugged.

"Did you get along well with Masimo?"

I looked at her. "Don't tell me you fancy ,really,don't tell me." which I thought was vair amusant but she didn't.

"We're leaving to the Wild Park in 10,You better put some makeup on." and she went out.

Lovely.

**Wild Park**

Wow and wowzee 're having the tippy-top of .

When we got there I said I was very happy to stay in the car.

I said "I've seen bison on _Look North_ or something and also some monkeys that Lady Dave Attenborough was lolling about with and that will do me,thank you."

But I was glad as a glad thing on glad tablets that Mum made me get out.

Because we found Angus' wild family.

Honestly.

His Scottish Wildcat cousins.

They were soo kittens looked just like Angus when I first found him in the garden on Och Aye flying-face kitten would unexpectedly and for no reason hurl itself through the air and pounce directly on another kitten's it would grab on with its front paws and do bunny kicks with its backlegs.

Libby kept yelling "Me want naaaice pussycats." and trying to climb into their cage with of the keepers said "They are not are wild animals."

I said 'You do not need to tell me.I used to keep Angus on a lead,but he ate us in,Mister"

Libby even said "Please,Mister Arsey man."

**10 Minutes Later**

We're in !

Oh,what a and I had a bucket each of dead chicks and some rabbit legs.

We took some pictures of us tugging one end of a rabbit leg and the kittykats pulling on the other between spitting at us.

I love them,I love have got some pictures to take home with us to show Angus what his family looks like and also a tartan mousy.

**On The Way Home**

Libby is 'feeding' tartan mousy with bits of chicken feather she has stuffed in her welligogs.I hope that is all she has down was very interested in what the wild kittens' poo looked like.

**7.30p**

When we got in Dad wasn't in so Mum decided to have a is sensationally cheered up and all full of herself.

I said "What's for supper?"

And she said to me,"Find something in the give some to 's allowed to watch children's tv for half an hour.I'm having a long aromatherapy bath.I will use ylang ylang,I think, for its sensual overtones.

I said "Mum you don't need sensual overtones,you need sensual undertones."

She didn't get it though and,she just went on rambling.

"This is 'me' time."

And she went into the bathroom.

**10 Minutes Later**

I made Bibbs and me cheese on toast.

No word from Masimo.

Maybe he rung while I was out.

**2 Minutes Later**

As I went through the main room to the hall,Libby was sharing her sandwich with tartan mousy.

They are watching _Pudsey and Sudsey Go On Holiday _or ,weird creatures with no necks in bathing suits.

As I left, she went to get her swimming costume and rubber lobes Pudsey and Sudsey.

**1 Minute Later**

No messages from anyone,well, anyone that matters,like Luuuuurve Gods.

There was a message from Dave,though : "Listen,Gee, er, look,let's just forget about yesterday.I know how weird you can 's just have 're mates still."

Blimey.

**2 Minutes Later,My Budoir of Luuuuurve**

Mum isn't the only one who can have 'me' time. I can have 'me' time for me to have some 'me' time.

Aaaahh...soo,the Luuurve God.

I'll start with the last time we snogged which was,er,a long time ago.

Yesterday,at least.

So I'll start there, and -

"GET OUT! Ooohhow 't stand there,you'll..." SPLASH !

Then more yelling and splashing and Mum saying "Don't let it touch my ...Ohmygod,it's touched me...Put that snorkel ,owwww..."

MIAOOOOWWWW...

"Lalaalalalala...heggyheggyho..."

What the hell was going on?

**4 Minutes Later**

Mum's 'me' time turned into 'us' time.

I went down to see what had happened and there was water everywhere in the was standing in a bath towel, was in her bathing costume with a snorkel,sitting in the bath singing "Bum bum pooey pooey bum bum" in two centimeters of Angus and Gordy were sneezing and soaking and trying to scrabble up the sides of the bath.

Mum stormed off into her bedroom and I said "What happened,Bibbsy?"

She looked at me cross-eyed,like I was a fool,and said very deliberately,"Me come on my HOILDAYS wif my in,Gingie".

**Back In My Bedroom**

All is calm again.

I will get into my bed to look at my part (oo-er) in _Rom and Jul_.

Lovely and snugly,I may just have a little ziz before I settle down to...

Not.

Have you any idea what it is like to have two wet cats,a soaking tartan mouse and a toddler covered in soap in your bed?

**15 Minutes Later**

Libby has dried off a bit now and the cats have bogged off to murder only stayed in my bed long enough to get warm and dampen the sheets.

Libby still has her rubber ring on,but it could be worse,she could have in here with us.

**3 Minutes Later**

It IS worse.

She has got Mr. Fish in here with us.

**5 Minutes Later**

If I hear 'Maybe It's BeCOD I'm A Londoner" one more time,I may have a nervy spaz.

**3 Minutes Later**

Mr. Fish's batteries went.I will never be mean about Baby Jesus again.

Also as I was just saying to Libby that she should lie down and have a little snooze when she dropped off to sleep,sittng up.

Amazing.

I carried her to her own room,which wasn't very easy actually with the rubber ring,but it does mean I have the whole of my bed to myself!

**12 Minutes Later**

I wish I could be bothered to get up and phone Act II she has a whole night of snogging with her boyfriend,Wet will have got further on the Snogging Scale than she has with Hunky.I bet she wishes she hadn't been so mean to me .

She is vair stubborn.

Right,I am going to get some shut-eye.

**10 Minutes Later**

We've got another _Rom and Jul _read-through Thursday.I wonder if Jas' new boyfriend will be might I could accidentally chop her head off with my sword.

**9.45p**

Ouch,I just lay on my pouch by mistake.I must remember to replenish my must never be caught with an empty pouch.

**Monday,September 26th**

**8a**

On the way to Stalag 14.

How many times do we all have to do this-Get up,go to school,again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?

**Break**

Thank the Lord.

Everyone's been asking me about how things went with Masimo but I don't feel like telling them.

Because nothng DID happen.

**On The Fives Court**

Brrr,chilly! Blimey O'Reilley's trousers,it's nippy 've buttoned our coats together like in the old are quite literally a tent with six heads and sleeves.

**Three Minutes Later**

Snuggly have to sort of thread the snacks up to our mouths through the collar and Jools made me laugh alot by doing duo Twix started at one and the other at the other _amusant_.And as Rosie said "Strangely erotic."

Wet Lindsay came by,but apart from tutting at us,what is she going to punish us for?Coat abuse?

She said "The rest of them I am not suprised at,but I am sorry you have chosen to join in,Jas."

Jas didn't say anything,but after Mrs. Slime had gone off we all went 'Ooooooh," like in "Oooooh,get you!"

**4p**

Bell went. The Lord be braised!

When I got in, no message from anyone.

**Wednesday,September 28th**

Still El Zippo from Masimo.

Crap.

Or,should I say, El Crapio.

**Thursday,September 29th**

**French**

As they probably say in _la belle France,qu'est-ce que c'est le _point of France?

**Read-Through**

**3p**

Had our first proper read-through of _Rom and Jul _.

Our star-studded cast features:

Me as Merc-lurk-io

Miss Prissy Knickers (Jas) as Jul

Ellen as Tybalt (or something,what do you think..oh,am I the page as well or something?)

Rosie in a _tour de force _and also possibly as a beard,as the Nurse.

The octopus in the ointment is of course waiting for Mrs. No Forehead to come and be Rom.

Then Miss Wilson said "I'm afraid Lindsay cannot be at the read-through has to go for an interview for college."

We all pretended to cry and shouted out "Ah, prithee,lackaday" and "Gadzooks" And so on for a while until a strange woman came hobbling really bright clothes.

Miss Wilson was all over her like a like a bobbing thing.

"Oh,girls,this is has come to improvise with us this has trained with Lecoq."

**10 Minutes Later**

We just about managaed to get ourselves under control.I though Rosie might have to go to Nurse,she was laughing so much.

Nauseating P. Green was the only one who looked a bit was blinking and saying "What is so funny?"  
Rosie said "I don't think she gets it" and I said "I don't think she would get it if it came in a big bag,labeled 'IT'."

And I am not wrong.

**20 Minutes Later**

We're not allowed to just speak our boring old have to do mime and clown gestures.

Rosie mimed juggling,while doing Cossack dancing and Miss Wilson got onto her, untill Jas and I said "We're not supposed to speak,Miss Wilson, you need to MIME your frustrations!" and she turned red and went to sit down.

Tee-hee.

**3 Minutes Later**

Still,It passes the time.

Thank God, the final bell.

As we slouched of to the cloakroom ,I said to the Gang "I'm bloody exhausted,and I will tell you this for free,I am not wearing tights and a big red nose."

Jools said "She won't really make us wear the nose,will she?I thought we were just wearing them to please Mad Miriam".

Jas said "Actually,I found it quite liberating doing the clowning.I found a different part of Juliet,morep is just a teenager after us."

We looked at her.

I said "She is about five hundred and fifty years old."

Jas was ready to do storming off in her huffmobile when I said 'Actually,you might be you and your boyfriend,Wet Lindsay,wear clown noses,that would put proper snogging out of the question. _Voila! _Bob _est l'oncle!"_

**3 Minutes Later**

Crikey,Masimo's at the gate !

Back to the bloody loo for me for glamour work.

**6p**

They are awfully demonstrative,the Pizza-a-go-go types.

And also not inhibited.

When he saw me the Luuurve God actually came through the school gates into the then he snogged me among the milling girls.

It seems a bit sort of pervy snogging someone in the school playground.I don't know why.

The Ace Gang sloped off and Masimo took me home on his scooter.

**7p,In My Private Boudoir of Luurve**

He has given me a locket.

Crickey.

It's a heart with a photo of him inside.

He's on the beach in his jeans and he doesn't have a top on.

I must never mention this to Dave the Laugh.

I can imagine what he'll say.

Anyway,shut up.I am not imagining what he will say.

**10p**

The Luuurve God says he will miss me when he goes to Lunnern Town this weekend.

I asked him why he didn't say "_Ciao"_ to me the night of the gig and he looked at me like I was mad.

"I told your mate Ellen to go and for tell you I am molto regrettio but I must ,er,be off, I had go to with the talent Manager, Don,and get some things signed."

Oh,so THAT's what Ellen was dithering about.

And why she was spectacularly red.

**3 Minutes Later**

I am going to miss the Luuuurve God but a little break never hurt anyone,I say.

**Friday,September 30th**

**4.10p**

I was quite relieved when I got to the school gates and there was no sign of the Luuuurve is sure to be on snogging alert somewhere,probably with could easily hide them about her person and you would never know.

**4.25p**

We were all skipping along home (and yes I do mean skipping along),singing songs from _The Sound of Music_.It was ye old Shakespearean classic,"The hills are live with the sound of tights,with tights I have worn for a thousand years !"

We were just singing "I go to the hills when my tights are loneleeee..." when Dave and the lads leapt out from behind a tree.

I was so flustered I nearly fell over.

When I got my breath back,I said "Have you been following us?"

Dave said "Yes."

I said "Well,that's not very nice is it?"

Dave said "Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"It is.I particularly noticed your basoomas wiggling about when you were skipping."

"That's disgusting."

"I liked it."

"Don't you feel ashamed,sneaking about and so on?"

"_Nein,ich _feel _gut_ !"

I said "I think you will find you are a bit of a _Volltrottel."_

He said :"_Ach,Scheissenhausen!"_

Which made me laugh alot.

We all walked lads were in top mood because of a _coup d'etat_ they had a had drawn a massive boy's trouser snake on the playing field with weed killer,under the cover of playing footie.I said "Top-class group work." and Dave smiled at made feel all swoony inside.

At the bottom of the hilll everyone else peeled off to go walked along with pushed me in the atm and loosened his tie and smiled at me."Long time since we did this,isn't it kittykat?You're too frightened of the call of my Magnetic Horn and that is _le _fact."

I said "I am not afraid of your Magnetic Horn."

He said "You are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not and just repeating something doesn't make it an argument.

"It does."

"It does not...hang on a minute,we're doing it it..."

There was a silence then he said 'No,you stop it."

He is soooo though.

I didn't want to talk about the Luuuurve God, it made me feel sort of funny talking to Dave about him, and I couldn't think of anything else to say,so we walked on in my turnoff, Dave said "So what are you up to tommorrow night?"

I said "Well,I...erm,the rest of them want to go the cinema but you know...it'll be like Snog Central and...I.."

He looked at me with his crinkly eyes."And you girlfrined is not around."

I said 'Oy...but well,yes,I guess."

There was a moments pause then Dave said "Well,I'll be on my jacksie as well,so maybe see you there.S'laters."

Blimey.

When I got home Masimo was sitting outside on his scooter,chatting to Mum and Libby !

**5 Minutes Later**

Why doesn't Mum go in with Liby?I keep raising my eyebrows and looking at her in a meaningful way but she deosn't know what I mean.

Masimo has put his arms around me,and I am half sitting on his knee.I feel weird in front of Mum.

Also,I have noticed,I am in my school is not the air of sophisticosity I am aiming for.

Also,even though nothing was going on with Dave the Laugh,excpet just matewise,I couldn't help thinking what would have happened if the Luuurve God had seen us skipping along about Dave's Magnetic Horn.

Dave seemed more like Dave the Laugh again .He hadn't shown any sign of numptiness,which is good.

Not that I care really,but well,you 't you? I hope you do because I certainly don't.

As my brain burbled on by itself,Masimo said "_Cara_,I must are driving ,now,for London.I am missing you._Bellissima _Georgia." and he kissed me on the front of my God.

Mum said 'How you when you get back and good luck with everything."

Then Masimo went and gave her two kisses on either said _'Bella mama'_ and my mother practically collapsed on the she laughed like a fool and said "OOoooh."

**My Bedroom**

It's odd having someone really like I just that brilliant? Maybe all Pizza-a-gogo boys are like Masimo.

**9p**

Masimo just phoned before he set off

He said "Miss Georgia,will you wait for me?"

I was thinking blimey,mate,it's only a day and a I said yes.

I hadn't really thought about it before, but I suppose if he did go on tour,we might see eeach other all the there would be loads of girls around him.

But he is not a red-bottomed Hornmeister is he?

The question is..am I?

**2 Minutes Later**

No,I am most certainly not.I am the girlfriend of a Luuurve God,end of story.

My days in dabbling in the cakeshop of love are now over.

**3 Minutes Later**

What did Dave mean when he said he would be on his jacksie?

**4 Minutes Later**

I phoned Jas

"Jas,are you deffo going to the cinema tomorrow?"

'Yes,I think so."

"?"  
"Hmmmm?"  
"Is erm,Dave the Laugh and Emma going too?"  
"Does this have anything to do with you fancying Dave?"  
I forced a laugh. "No, you have a vair vair suspicious nature,Jas."

"Well, why are you asking me?Anyway,Emma has gone on a sketching weekend with her art teacher,so she won't be there."

**11p,In My Room**

Why do I even care if Dave is going to be there,or not?

It's not like I fancy him or anything,like Jas says.

He's just a mate,right?

**3 Minutes Later**

Right?

**30 Minutes Later**

The weird thing is,I'm am sort of looking forward to going to the cinema now.

What is all that about?

**20 Minutes Later**

Just for the crack of being with my mates.

That's all.

You know,relaxing and watching a film with your mates

Simple,uncomplicated stuff.

**1 Hour Later**

So why did my stomach go funny when Jas told me Dave was going and Emma wasn't to be there?


	6. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

I don't own this story (Louise Rennison does) nor really,really huge knickers.

Thanks for the review,Chaela-laughluuurver :) I hope to keep up my Georgia-y-ness to her end (oo-er!) !

Please R&R

**the most beautiful girl in the world**

**Saturday,October 1st**

**9am**

Woke with a start.

Dad,Uncle Eddie,Mum and Grandad and about 3 or 4 women I didn't reconize were sitting on my bed.

What fresh hell?

I pulled my covers up over my self, so no one could see any,er,bits of me.

"What in the name of arse are you doing?"

Grandad pointed to each girl in turn,saying 'This is Shirley,Mia,Bambie and Elenore."

I looked at them. "Hullo."

I looked at Dad "Now,please, GET OUT."

**18 Minutes Later**

800 million years of rambling later, they left.

Uncle Eddie is holding baldy-gram practice here .

Fab.

Not.

I'm soooooo glad Masimo is away this weekend. 

**1p**

Obviously, Baldy-O-Gram practice includes alot of shouting and drinking aLOT of wine.

_Tres_ horrific.

If they get too loud the police are going to come and haul them downtown.

And I am NOT going to spring them out.

Ever.

**3p**

Nothing from Masimo yet.

I wonder how he's getting along?

He never said he'd ring me or anything.

Hmmmmmm.

Only 4 hours untill Rosie and Sven's 'cinema experiance'.

Oh,dear Lord.

I might as well get ready.

**4p**

Showered,cleansed and toned within an inch of my life.

As I came out of the shower Mia,holding a beer,winked and said 'You're fit." and went on.

WHAT?

There's a party downstairs but not neccasarily one I'd want to go to.

They're playing Abba.

And Duran Duran.

LOUDLY.

**5p**

Jas rang

"Hey guess what?I've got the bestiest thing ever!"

What did that mean?The best thing on Planet Jas could mean anything.

I said "Something to do with a new strain of vole poo?You've got a stuffed barn owl?No,no,don't tell pants have all-weather stretch gusset?"

She was going "Nope,nope,you will never guess,it's sooo bestie!"

I said "Jas,if it's anything to do with newts I don't think I can bear the excitement."

She was too excited to notice my amusingosity.

She just burbled on "The _Rom nd Jul_ thing,it's all well...it's fabby and fact,it's a miracle."

"I think you will find it's a tragedy,unless Miss Wilson has rewritten the ending so that Jul wakes up in time to find her inner clown,with hilarious consequences."

Jas was talking on top of me. "Tom just told me,she's got to take a uni bursary can't be in it!"

"Who?"  
"Wet Lindsay!"

Oh joy unbounded.

**10 Minutes Later**

Mind you,it would have been vair amusing to see Jas snogging Wet Lindsay,in an horrific,road crash sort of way.

Also Radio Jas tells me that there has been a change of plan cinena-experiancewise.I can't decide if it is good or bad.

Rosie's parents have gone away for the night and she is planning on having the cinema experiance at her place.

Hmmm..

I phoned her and said When you say 'cinema experiance',what exactly do you mean by that?"

She said "You know what I mean,my little of us in the dark,snogging,and eating popcorn."

I said "Yes but the added mystery ingredient in the usual 'cinema experiance' is that there is a film on."

Rosie assures me that there will be a film on,a "special" she won't tell me what it is as she wants it to be a 'lovely suprise'.

Now I am frightened.

**6.45p**

Right,time to go.

I am sooo I don't even know isn't going to be there.

When I got downstairs Uncle Eddie and Dad were on the coffee table in their knick-knacks.

Good Lord.

I tip toed down the hall,through the kitchen and out the door.

**1 Minute Later**

Freedom !

**Rosie's **

Sven answered the door in an usherette's you can imagine 's not easy,I had a sort of miniskirt on with platform a lot of eyeshadow and lippy.

Sofas and chairs were arranged in front of the tv and Rosie was in charge of the popcorn.

The ace gang were all there by the time I ,Jools,Ellen,Jas,Mabs and Sophie,all snuggling up to their 'boyfriends' already.

**14 Minutes Later**

No sign of Dave the Laugh.

Not that I care.

Goosegog Land was fast approaching.

Oh,god,this was going to be now it was horrific and the film hadn't even started.

**Doorbell Rang**

Sven went to answer it.

Maybe I should pretend I had a pressing piddly-diddly scenario and sneak out the window?

**3 Seconds Later**

I was edging towards the loos when Sven came in,carrying Dave.

Dave said "I like a big lad."

Dave got his popcorn and then came and sat down next to me.

I didn't say anything.I felt a bit shy, sort of nervy.

I have to say,even though I am not interested in this sort of thing,that he looked,well,quite a matey-type mate.

The film was a sing-along version of _The Sound of Music_.

No,I am not kidding.

Sven,the ushertte,introduced it by saying "This is a film about the _unter_ are haffing the singing about pants and the 's groove!"

And then he switched the lights out.

Everyone was going "Oo-er" and "Phwoooaar",etc. for a ,in the darkenss,Dave the Laugh said loudly,"Oy,Georgia,is that your hand on my knee you cheeky minx?"

It turned out to be Sven,crawling around trying to find the control for the sang,we laughed, we ate wasn't any goosegog factor because we didn't have time to snog.

My ribs really,really did hurt from laughing so we reversed the movie so that we could get the sang them all "IdlePANTS"."The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of PANTS".

It was after midnight befrore we came out (leave it).When we got to the end of Rosie's road the rest of them walked off because they all lived in the same were yelling "PANTS for the memory!" and "_Gute Nacht,Volltrottel!" _and "_Abschiedskuss_ all round!"

Till there was only Dave and me left.

It was a lovely soft night and as we walked along, not linknig arms or anything,I felt all warm and yummy inside.

Dave said "I'll walk back along your way in case you are attacked by voles."

I said "Fanks."

"I don't know what you think,missus,but I thought that was quite literally a hoot and a half.I thought your yodeling in 'The Lonely Goatherd' was,well,good is not the word."

I laughed "Oy,mate,I have practiced yodeling for makes me read _Heidi_ at least four times a day."

As we got near my house Dave said "Ah,well,better say _Auf Weidersehen_,pet."

And we both stood looking at each other in the half-light.

He has got the most dreamy eyes.I don't know what it is but I always feel I could look at him for ages and ages.

I don't know how much time went by because for once my brain froze.I sort of felt like Baby Jesus,all full of put his hand on my face and just gently stroked he traced his finger around my mouth.

Goooood.

He looked down at me still with his finger on my lips and said "I don't know what it is about you,but for me you are the most beautiful girl in the world." Then he kissed me,just a little kiss.

Then he stepped back, and pulled his coat collar breathed in really deeply and then cleared his throat and said "Hmmmm..that was anyway,dig you later." and he went off.

I didn't know what to do.I just stood there.I wanted to do all sorts of him,run away,laugh ,go to the loo,do a bit of flame dancing.I don't know ! Who's in control here?

**3a**

When I got in,Baldy-Gram practice was STILL going.

Mum said "Come join the fun!" and I was in such a daze,I did.

**3.15a**

Mum's right,this IS fun! Everyone's laughing!

But at my expense.

Everyone was doing dancing on the coffee table, including the girls, who,it turns out, are actually drag.

I didn't know this untill "Mia"'s boob popped out of her dress and hit me in the eye.

And everyone fell about laughing.

I thought Grandad was choking to death he was laughing and weezing SO hard.

I'm going to bed

**4a**

Tucked in bed.

Well, the cinema experiance did turn out to be a hot and a laughter,the pants, the yodeling.

**1 Minute Later**

The nearly accidentally snogging Dave the Laugh AGAIN !

**2 Minutes Later**

What in the name of arse is going on?

**3 Minutes Later**

What about Maimo? 

**2 Minutes Later**

I think may have a touch of guiltyosity

**1 Minute Later**

Although I don't know why I should have guiltynosity,I haven't really done anything wrong as puckering is not a capital offense.

**1 Minute Later**

In fact,I will proably mention it in a lighthearted way to the Luuuurve God.

You know,tell him what larks we had at the "cinema experiance".

**2 Minutes Later**

Although explaining the "Idlepants" thing might take the rest of my life,given that I can't even say "What time is it?" in Italian.

Oh,I am just a crazy,mixed-up kid ! It's not fair.

**2 Minutes Later**

Ooohh,I'm never going to be able to sleep now.

I wonder if Dave is feeling the same.

I hope he is because it's his snogged me.I only did accidental puckering up.

It was him who said I was beautiful.

Am I?

Had a look in the mirror.

Erm,well,I havce sort of grown into my nose,but I don't exactly as such look like a supermodel.

Perhaps boys like all sorts of girls,not just supermodelly types.

Dad likes Mum,for instance,and does not think she looks like a mad prostitute.

In fact, he is very bloody keen on her these days.

I wonder if she is putting something in his food?

**5 Minutes Later**

I'm going to count sheep to get to sleep.

**3 Minutes Later**

Oh,buggeration,the sheep kep changing into Masimo, and then Dave,and then Robbie,and then into Masimo and then two then Dave with a clown nose on,leaping over the then Masimo with a Dave and Masimo fighting and leaping over the fence.

I will never sleep again.I ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


	7. i'm hoping wet lindsay pooed herself

i own nothin g...louise rennison does!

**i'm hoping wet lindsay pooed herself from laughing and carrying on like she did**

**Sunday,October 2nd**

**9am**

When I woke up first thing I did was run to the loos to check on my eye.

**10 Seconds Later**

My worst fears are confirmed-my eye is black and purple and has swollen to be as big as a melon, and my face had red streaks where I scrubbed it last night.

Great. I am never going to be able to go out again.

**10a**

I tried covering it with makeup but it just made everything stand out worse.

I might as wash it all off and accept my fate -.e. a lonely,possibly lesbian,widow.

**10.15a**

Put on the French-looking Mum sunglasses Mum had gotten me ages ago, to hide the black (and purple...and blue..) eye.I gave up trying to hide the red.I hope Masimo likes the red-faced look in girls.

**10.20a**

When I got downstairs nearly tripped over someone sleeping on the floor.

I guess everyone got too drunk to drive home and just slept where they passed out.

Again.

**10.22a**

Why does Grandad insist on sleeping on his stomach,nude?

And on the kitchen table, at that?

We're going to have to burn it and buy a whole new table,before I can eat in the kitchen area again.

I'm going back upstairs to grow my lurker.

**3p**

Judging from all the grumbling and cursing downstairs,everyone must be finally waking up.

**3.30p**

Finally-the Loons have left,taking Libby with them !

And what's more they convinced Granddad to take Libby with them !

**4.30p**

Went downstairs to find something to ward off scurvy.

Mum was rooting through the bits of mould in the fridge, trying to find the least-mouldiest bit of mould.

When she turned round and saw me she laughed for ages,then she called everyone in so they could have a good laugh at me.

Why do I even bother any more?

Dad was heading off to fix the shed roof.I said "See you in Casulty,then." and he swore quite violentlty.

**4.45p**

I can see Dad from my 's quite sensationally shouty and red,and he's not even started yet.

**5p**

Dad's done ,he's quite already.

He's smashed his thumb with his hammer,twice.

And the door has fallen off.

So excellent result ,DIY-wise.

**9p**

No phone calls ALL day.

Libby's still at Grandvati's,so I am going to go to my room and enjoy my the luxry of lying on it,without something hideous sticking in my Libby farting loudly all night.

Anyway,I've got to get myself in the right frame of mind to welcome back my Luuuurve God.

i wonder what time he will be back?

He'll probably call me tomorrow.

I better check on my lovliness.

Maybe I should have an overnight egg-yolk face pack?

**2 Minutes Later**

No,maybe last time I did I thought that my face had gone paralyzed into the night.

Anyway,according to Dave the Laugh,I am beauty personified just as I am.

Which is handy.

I wonder why he said that to me?

The most beautiful girl thing.

Was it a joke?

Why weren't we laughing?

Anyway,shut up,brain.

I said "Goodnight Mater and keep the noise down."

Dad said "Oh,by the way,that Italian boy ,is it?He says to tell you that he is back and he will see you to think of him and put your hand on your locket.I told him that was going too far.".

I said "Dad,I hate you."

**In My Room**

**Midnight**

Masimo is back.

That's fab,isn't it?

I thought Dave might have know,just for a matey he didn't.I expect Emma is back and he'll be,you know,seeing is fine by me.

**Monday,October 3rd**

**6.45a**

Woke up feeling very happy for a moment,untill I remembered the nightmare that is called school.

Right now I'd gladly trade the Black Deathy for my life.

**Assembly**

Jas had already gone on to school by the time I got to her gate.

I wonder when she is just going to suck it up (oo-er!) and apologize for being a git towards me.

**20 Seconds Later**

Probably never.

**German **

Herr Kamyer's mother has by far outdone her self in the mad persons has knitted her son a purple cardigan, with dancing cows on it.

I know,because Herr Kamyer was wearing it today.

I whispered to Jas "Seeing that cardi should be punishment enough" but she just sniffed and pretended to be interested in the antics of the family Koch (oo-er!).

I swear,the Germanese are obbsessed with the Kochs.

Why else would they write whole stories about how many sausages little Koch can stuff in his gob, or when Frauline Koch goes out and buys cabbage?

**Maths**

Who cares if a+b=c when I have a major makeup crisis?

I've forgotten my mascara and what's more I quite clearly heard the sound of a motor bike passing by Stalag 14 between class.

Sent notes all round, and no one had any on hell, now what am I going to do if Masimo does decided to (finally) show up,go without?

No,that's not even an option.

**Break**

Cold,miserable arvie.

And I've got to wear makeup and do intensive pouch work,as Masimo's back.I have to be on Luuuurve God alaert at ALL times now.

it's vair vair tiring.

At least my eye has stop swelling.

But not before everyone saw it when Slim made me remove my sunglasses during Assembly.I am now on gardening duty with Elvis for the rest of the week

Fab.

Not.

I'm hoping Wet Lindsay pood herself from laughing and carrying on like she did.

Stupid,wet,drippy,useless,slimey...

As we were settling down on the heaters Jas tossed her mascara into my lap.

I looked at her "I just got it.I brought it as a peace offering."

I jumped off the heater and have her a big hug.

"I'm sorry I was such a git, time, I promise I'll try to be more understanding, if you promise to stop being such a tart."

I shoved her-but playfully."I knew you luuurved me and couldn't stand to be away from my wit and beautosity too long."

Jas turned red "Don't start that again." but smiled.

So every cloud has a siliver lining after all.

I got Jas to talk to me again,and fab new mascara with it.

Jas says it's extending-it makes you look like you have boy entrancers on,when you don't really.

Which is vair ate mine.

**R.E.**

Spent the rest of Break in the loos, trying the mascara on.

It looks very cool on us,except for Ellen, but that's just because she sneezed as she was putting it on and smudged it very it looks like she's got a black eye,hee hee.

We were almost caught by Lindsay,and I had to slip it in my PANTS behind my back,as it's illegal on Slim's terms to wear even a spot of panstick.

The bell went as Lindsay came in, so we filed out before she could pin anything on us,but as I passed her she reached out a stick arm and stopped me.

"You need to stop throwing yourself at older,maturer boys, look it up,with Masimo leaving I won't be able to see him much,and if I can't have him, you can' don't even try to stop him, because I know things that,if Masimo knew,he'd never talk to you go along and play with your little stop butting in on my life." and she moved her arm and let me pass.

As I was passing her I had an overwhelming urge to give her a good duffing up,but I know if I did I'd be put in detention for another 300 years.

**Rom and Jul Read-Throughs**

Miss Wilson has brought in the puppet dog for is hilariously it is a glove doesn't even look like a dog.I think it is a was supposed to work in her own got into a terrible state.

Miss Wilson suggested that the puppet dog "senses" that Rom is down below in the said to Jas "When you,Juliet,say 'Romeo,Romeo,wherefore art thou Romeo',the little faithful dog could bark..."

I said "Erm,as a matter if interest Miss Wilson,couldn't the dog double up as Romeo?I think that would be it, the doggy to say some of Rom's bits.".

Jas was getting vair vair red was revving up the huffmobile,big time.

But then Miss Wilson announced the new the suprise news is that it'sgoingto be..Melanie Griffiths.

She's a nice girl,Melanie,but she really has got ginormous basoomas.

I said to Rosie "I don't fancy her chances pf climbing up the balcony and not toppling over,possibly taking out several villages on her way down."

But it's not my prob,I am dead by page ,it's not really worth putting the tights on for.

Jas was on the edge of a nervy to do the barking and tail-wagging thing for the doggy and being Juliet as well.

In the end,she threw the glove puppet down to the floor and burst into tails.

**Lunchtime**

Lolling about in the fives Lindsay and ADM came lurking just looking at are they looking at?

Octopussy called over to Jas "Sorry about the play,Jas,but I've just got so much to do,the university thing and now the band going off to live in London."

What?What did she know about the band?

Then she went on talking to loud enough for us to hear every word.

She said "Robbie was so pleased to see me when I popped round last 's like he's been away for he is so cool at snogging.I had a boyfriend before him who was so inexperianced he didn't even know where to put his hands."

I said to Rosie "I could have told him where to put his hands-round her throat untill her googly eyes popped 's teeth,she is such a smug bucket."

Jools said "Did you know about the band moving to London?"  
"No,I just knew they were visiting."

Wet Lindsay was still going on.I'm sure for my benefit."Yeah,I applied to to go Uni in London,of course.I haven't applied anywhere there but,you know,I could.I think it would break Robbie's heart if I didn't go.I can tell he daren't ask me to go with him just in case I say no."

Oh whatever !

I was going to say this but then two tiches skipped titchy and excited,Ginger Titch said,"Miss,miss,we've got something to tell 's a secret." Then they did sort of 'looking' at Wet Lindsay,then sort of 'looking' to the science Titch said really quietly "Follow us in a minute." then they did ludicrous waving and saying good-bye to me.I wonder if they had Mad Miriam for theater studies.

**1 Minute Later**

I sneaked over to the Science Titches nearly gave me a heartattack by leaping out from a rhododendron bush.

"Miss,quick,he's wants you to go and see 's down at the back of school,by the lower playing-field fence."

My heart skipped. Blimey,this was a bti thrilling.I could tell him about Melanie Griffiths and...

That's when I realized I'd been thinking the Titches meant Dave the Laugh,but they meant the Luuuurve God.

I did quick pouch work and sloped off down the then I saw him.

He smiled that wonderful smile of ,he's actually looks like a popstar.

He shouted _"Cara,_I came round 'ere to the back,for not getting trouble.I had to see you.I rang you."

Have you ever kissed someone through a fence?I don't as such recommend fact,I think I may have a slight fence burn on my is unusual.

When I got back,the Gang were agog (two gogs).Rosie said "So,what did he say?"

Ellen dithered into life "Is he,will he,is he,are they?"

Jools said "Go on,tell us everything."

I said "I dunno Stiff Dylans have got a major management company now,but they have to be,you know,where it's all happpening."

Ellen said "Where,I mean is it..is it happening ...here?"  
I said "Not as such."

Jas said "So it is true,they are moving to London?"  
I looked at them "That is the nib and gust"

Jas put her arm around me in a sudden lezzie attack.

Masimo wants to talk over everything to is there to talk over,though?He has been asked to go to London for his career.

He's not going to go,is he?

I am once again on the rack of luuuurve.

Marvelous.

**Last Bell**

Mad rush to the door as the last bell went.

My heart feels like it's trying to jump out my throat.I think I am going to be sick and poo myself at the same time.

I'm glad I put on an extra layer of foundation, just in case.

**2 Minutes Later**

At the front double doors,I stopped and took a few deep breaths before I went out,so I didn't have that mad,red-faced loon look,but Masimo wasn't waiting by the school gates.

Only the Tom,Dave,Rollo and Declan.

Huh.

**5p,My Room**

Long, boring,sad walk home.

Dave tried to cheer me up and tell jokes but I wasn't in the mood to listen. He must have seen that because he stopped and said "Slaters" and went off back up the street,to town.

No messages when I got in.

Masimo is coming at 7p.m.I said I would meet him in town,but he insisted on picking me up.I am going to make sure I am waiting by the gate to avoid any chance of Dad 'talking' to him.

I'm a nervy wreck.I've already changed my clothes four times.I have to get out of my bedroom before I go mad.

**5.30p**

Made a jelly sarny and some coffee.

Right, I got my nutrition taken care of.

Time to get ready.

**45 Minutes Later**

I wonder what Dave went to town for?

He's been acting very odd lately.

I wonder why.

Do boys have a monthly visitor like us girls do?

**4 Minutes Later**

Ooo-er-where would the put the tampons?

**12 Minutes Later**

As I was going over all this in my brain box, also known as my head, I very nearly didn't hear Mum call up the stairs for me.

What on Earth does she want know?

Has Maisie decided to knit me a dress too?

**2 Minutes Later**

As I was going down stairs I asked Mum,waiting at the bottom for me "Has Maisie decided to knit me a dress too?" but I only got to "Has Maisie decergghhhhh." when Masimo came round the corner.

Cor,blimey and all the rest,he's soooo makes me legs go jelloid and soft.I nearly fell down the stairs-I had to hold onto the rail the whole way down.

When I got level to Masimo I said to Mum "Thanks,Mum,bye." but she just stood there smiling at Masimo and adjusting her bra.

God, I think that if Dad and I weren't around she'd probably try to snog him.

I said "Mum,can you PLEASE help Dad in the kitchen?He's calling for you."

Mum frowned "Don't be stupid,he's in the den"

I opened my eyes as wide as I could at her and she finally got the idea and said "Ciao, Masimo,really lovely to see you look sexy in those jeans" and she WINKED at him and went to the kitchen. I could KILL her !

I smiled at Masimo "I am sooo sorry about should not be allowed to talk to anyone under their age."

Masimo smiled at 's got a nice crinkly smile...mmmmmm...what was I saying? Oh,yes, Masimo smiled at me "It is OK, your parents,they are nice."

"Err,so,what are you doing here?"  
"Well,I come by your school but the traffic,I was late, so I see your friend Jas, and ask Where does my Georgia live? and she sent me here!"

God,reming me later to call Jas and tell her how much I love her.

In a strictly non-lesbian way.

"Did you get my message?"

"Yes."

"So is there place we can talk?"

The kitchen door opened a sliver, and Mum and Dad poked their heads saw me looking, and winked at mouthed someting-I think it was 'gorgey.'

I looked at Masimo "Can we go to the park?"

**10 Minutes Later**

**Ciao Bella's**

Very nippy noodles ride over.I was still in my school uniform and skirt so I had to sort of close my legs in a v over the was very uncomfrotable, and probably not very safe, but I didn't want to risk unneccassary knickers exposer.I couldn't remember which ones I had on, but I had a suspicion they were my old,ratty Teletubbies ones I wore only when I had my monthly visitor, or had no clean knickers,which is my case now.

I think Mum only does the laundry when she remembers to-which is about twice a month.

"You ready go in?"

"Si,er, yes-io."

He smiled "You are sweet."

I felt my heart flutter.

**1 Hour Later**

I suppose this is what my new Lunnern life will be off at bijou restraunts for a quick supper before...well,before what?Extended snogging?

The Luuuurve God touched me cheek,then said "I was wanting to tell you long time ago,but things come up, and I had to leave to London and my life, it go very craze for a while, but now, here I am with you and things are good,yes?"

I nodded.I didn't trust my self to say anything.

He took a deep breath, "I told you,I meeting with talent agent soon,and they call me, they have spot for is good,yes?"

I nodded.I didn't trust my own tend to run off on their own. Oooh-ooh,I have signs of absent brain coming !

He looked at me and touched my cheek. "So what you think,Miss Georgia?"

Everyone was keen on me thinking all of a 's not what I do.I could feel my stomach drop,like I've swallowed a small elephant.

Masimo said "If you don't want me to go,I won't?I can always do my I could write songs for other band here."

But it didn't seem right got ahold of my hand.

"I not go to New York,if you not want me to."

"New York?"  
"Yes, he from London but is talent manager in New York."

"You mean you won't be back?At all?" I could feel tears drop down my cheeks,and probably ruining my mascara but I didn't was leaving me-probably for good.

Just like Robbie did.

I put my head down so he couldn't see my face, but he reached up and softly touched it.

I think I really am doomed in the Luuurve Department.I may very well never have a proper boyfriend again.I mean,what's the point?They're going to leave to break up with me and move abroad anyways.

Masimo squeezed my hand "You are young-this is big decision for ,if you like,I will find us a place to live.I have friends in London,and you could go for your college there."

College? Go for college to do what?

He squeezed my hand "What are you thinking?"

I jumped a little-I had forgotten he was my mind he was already might as well be.

"Nothing, just how this is typical of my so-called life."

"Typical?How?"

"Well, I dated Robbie for a while but we kept it a secret because I was so young and was a sort of jailthing then he comes by and tells me that he's leaving for New Zealand and we can still be now you do the same thing,only it's not Maoris and sheep, it's New York New York and and vee-hick-les."

"I am sad to hear of this that your heart has been hurt before and I have hurting in my heart to leave like this,but I know it is good, we can still write, and be finish school,maybe visit one day,yes?"

"Yes,I guess." and he kissed me on the cheek.

**6p,Bed,Crying ALOT**

We talked it over and we agreed that it is for the best for him to go and start his stardom in Hamburger-a-go-go Land, and we'll still write to each other.

I also sort of accidentally told him that when I was done with my studies I'd come visit him,even though I know for sure Mum would never let me.

She'd want to come along and snog him.

So now, once again, I have burnt my hands in the cakeshop of lurrve and now remain forever.


	8. yes,but i don't carry a handbag around o

**i OWN NOTHING -anything you may reconize belongs to Louise Rennison **

**yes,but i don't carry a handbag around or snog kangaroos**

**Tuesday,October 4th**

**7a**

I feel like the living dead.I fell asleep crying and now I've got about 12 layers of makeup caked on, but all streaky so I look like one of mum's awful tye-dye shirts.

Urgggg.

I don't feel like washing it off though.

What's the point, I'm just washing it again later tonight.

**Stalag 14 **

**Ace Gang Meeting**

The Ace Gang are taking a vote on what I should do _vis-a-vis_ the Luuurve God situation.

The options:

a) Tell the Luuuurve God not to go.

b)Tell him bravely t go with a quivering lip (not him havng the quivering lip,me having it..leep up).

c)Bog off to London, then New York New York with him and Devil take Lord Sandra will take care of me.

d) Mysterious option d

It's a secret ballot paper,where you put a cross nect to the option you ,I know which is Ellen' because she has ticked everything then crossed it out and ticked everything again.

OK,the result is:one vote for c. (That will be fact,I know it is because she put a cross with a little beard on it).The rest are b',really.I sort of knew that would happen.

I said 'How come no one voted for the mysterious option d?"

Mabs said "What is it?"

And I said "I don't is why it is so mysterious."

**Maths**

What's the point?

**R.E**

Who cares?

**Lunchtime**

Jas had a secret rendezvous with Tom in the alley-way behind the science block.I had to be the guardey-dog -type is the kind of ti-top pal I am.

Actually, since she has decided to let Tom _boing_ off on his elastic band she is getting quite Miss Huffy Knickers...with just a hint of Devil take the hindmost about the gusset even applied a bit of lip school hours! The little she turned her skirt she went off to meet Hunky,I said to her "Are you wating a thong?"and she didn't say hit fiddle with her fringe. Hmmmm.

When Jas came scampering back she said "Oh,Hunky is soo umm,I think I'll love him forever,no matter what happens..."

The bell went and we went back we went back into the Temple of Doom we saw Wet Lindsay slamming into the Sixth Form common ,she was red and scary looking.

I said to Jas "What's the matter with her?Perhaps she tried to wear a hat today and it fell down over her eyes and she realized she had no forehead."

Jas looked a bit owly and tapped her is that all about?

**German**

Why bother?

**French**

Qu est ce-que le point?

**Afternoon Break,Five's Courts**

We just heard from the Bush Telegraph,i.e. Radio Jas,that Robbie has dumped Wet Lindsay .Tom told as that Robbie is deffo skipping off to London town with the band,but he is not taking the Wet Wipe with has escaped from the slimy,slimy girl ! Yesssss! And thriceYessss !

I said "I think you will agree this is a victory in the fight against 's bid for freedom calls for a celebration Viking bison disco inferno with a little added _je ne se quois_.In honor of the occasion."

So we did the Viking Inferno Dance,but at the end,instead of falling to our knees and yelling "Hooorn!" we yelled 'Duuuuuuuuuuumped!" Which was slightly unfortunate timing, as Octopussy Girl herself and ADM came round the corner.

We sat down quickly and passed ound midget gems.I looked at Wet Lindsay and let a little smile play on my looks could kill I'd be deader than a dead person on dead dead Lindsay had tiny mousey eyes from crying.

ADM was saying"How do you feel?"

Wet Lindsay said really,really loudly so that she was sure we could hear,"Well,to be honest,I let it know,I've sort of encouraged him to think he left me,but it's only to save his pride,really.I mean when I went up to uni for my interview,there were loads of really fit is quite nice-looking, but there are better,hotter boys."

As we got up to go in I looked at her and opened my eyes really wide in an ironic shouted at me "And you can shut up Georgia,you tart!"

How can I shut up if I didn't say anything?What is she going to do now-give me a reprmand for telepathic talking?

**4p**

When I got in Mum was all cheery and just got a pay a normal house that means better allowances and more food in the house, but in this house it means more aerobics lessons for her.

Mum and Dad were actually dancing in the kitchen out of sheer happiness.

Good Lord.

Dad dipped Mum "Gee, we're going out tonight to celebrate, your choice!"

Mum,still upside down, said "Yea,we can go to that ITALIAN place you like so much" and winked at me.

I know she was trying to be nice and all,but it was making me feel like throwing myself in front of a train.

"No fanks, you go out."

Mum straightened "Are you getting flu?Probably from being out all hours with boys with those short skirts you wear.."

Dad looked at Mum "What boys?And how short DOES she wear her skirts?"

I could feel the start of a big fight so I said "I'm going to take a ." and ran up to my room.

**4.05p,Bed**

I am so full of poo and merde I can't think straight.

**2 Minutes Later**

What is it with boys that makes them want to snog me, then leave the country?I am not THAT bad of a snog.

I am actually a quite good snogger and snoggee,I 'd like to think.

**23 Minutes Later**

I just realized-Dave never answered whether I was a good snog or not.

Huh.

Maybe I should ring him.I've not seen him for days now, which is a bit worrying.

Not that I care for him or anything.

**1 Second Later**

Much.

**3 Minutes Later**

He picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"About time you picked eyebrows have grown to the floor while you were not answering your telephone."

"Hi,listen,this isn't a good time-"

I heard a girl in the back ground say "Do you wear y-fronts then?"

"Oh,er,is Emma there?"  
He laughed. 'I would be pleasant compared to Gran is here and she's as mad as a hatter."

"She should met my Grandad."

Dave laughed "I've met your those two together could very well cause a national catastrophe."

"She doesn't go round telling everyone she's your girlfriend,does she?"  
Dave laughed. "That was bloody brilliant"

"Oh,shut up laughing,it was horrifying."

"But brilliant,you have got to admit."

"Grandad is not once sat on his dentures and told the police a madman broke into his house,attacked him, and then bit him on the arse!"  
Dave burst out laughing.

I set the phone down on him.

**8 Minutes Later**

Typical, I get all comfy in bed,and the phone rings and I'm forced to get it as everyone else has gone out .

I tripped over Angus lurking in ther shadows and he savaged my ankle.

my own CAT hates me.

I picked up the phone "Hullo,House of Death,Gee speaking."

"I'm sorry for laughing,Gee."

"Humph."

"Don't get the hump with me ,Gee, you know how it turns me on."

"What did you want?"  
"You rang me."

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did."

"No I did'nt ."

"Yes you didn't"

"I didn't!"  
"Did did did !:"

I slammed down the phone on him.

Bloody hell.

**12 Minutes Later,Bed**

Oh,damn,I did call him first-to ask him if I was a good snogger or not.

Damn damn damn.

**2 Minutes Later**

Should I ring him back?

I hung up on him,after all...

**30 Seconds Later**

Went to the phone to call him back,but when I picked up the phone he was already there.

"Hello?"

"Hello?"  
"That's odd, I didn't hear it ring."

"It didn't.I just picked up the phone to call you, and you were already on the line."

"Freaky."

"I guess."

There was a pause then he asked "Is there something wrong,Gee?"

**5p**

Met Dave at my gate.

I don't think I could stand being out and seeing anyone right now,in the state I'm in,i.e, very little makeup,and full of sadnosity and the general pooiness of life.

"Thanks for coming round."

"No Vati has a good shoulder to cry of them,actually."

I led him in to the kitchen.

He sat at the table while I made him some of my special coffee. "No one's home so we can talk safely here."

"Just talk?" and he waggled his eyebrows. It sort of gave me the horn,actually...

I looked at him "i am having a serious crisis."

"What-did you break a nail?Your boyfriend steal your mascara?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

He stopped smiling and got up "He didn't hurt you,did he?"  
"No," Dave sat "-Well, yes." Dave moved to stand again so I said quickly "But not like 's London to start cutting an album,proffesionally.."

" he just came and dumped you like Robbie did."

"Yes,exactly like Robbie did."

"It must be in singers' genes, to be rude gits."

"You sing at the club sometimes."

"Yes,but I don't carry a handbag around or snog kangaroos."

I poured the cofffee and sat opposite Dave. "I don't know what I am going to do.I feel like pooing and screaming and throwing up all at the same time."

Dave looked at me a long time "You realy,really like him,don't you?"

"Yes, upon loads upon loads" I slumped forward, arms on the table,and put head in my arms.

Dave thought for a moment then said "if you really want my honest advice,I'd say-tell him how you him you really really like him and don't want him to if he's not the flash git I think he is,he'll stay."

I looked up at Dave "You think he'll stay?"

Dave shrugged "There's a chance."

I reached over and squeezed Dave's hand "Thanks for coming over like this.I didn't know who else to talk to."

"Yes, well, just think of me as one of the girls." Only he said it sort of sadly.

He stood up and kissed me on the cheek."It's getting late.I'll see you luck with...with you know." and he left.

I hope Dave is right, that Masimo will stay.

**6p**

**Phone Rang**

It was Masimo."Cara,I am off for meeting with the are having talking about our plans,you are you feeling?"  
I said "You know,a bit freaky-deaky."

"_Che..._

"I mean I ...oh,I don't know how to say it in Italian...but,well,I think it should be Option B on the whole."

In the end (ooer) the Luuurve God said he'd pop round before his meeting to talk to me for al ittle if he can't understand what I am saying,it is still nice of him to come and see me.

**7.30p**

Sitting outside at the bottom of our garden,in the has put his coat around me and him and we are looking at the stars,winking and blinking .But not giving advice as such.

Masimo was being so sweet to I look at him,I can't believe that he really likes me;he could have anyone he actually,if he goes to London,he probably will.

Masimo said "Georgia,Georgia." and he kissed me softly on the mouth, on on the nose ("He's brave" I up brain !).He was looking hard at me.

"This is for you hard but let me 'elp you."

I was glad to hear that because frankly I needed some 'elp.

He said "This is how is for me.I hav more years than you.I think,yes,it is _bene,molto bene,_that we have good offer for the band...but,I am man,I am good singer,another band will come."

I started to say "But I-" but he put his finger on my mouth.

"For you,it is big thing because you have not so many you,you are afear that I will be sad not for to go to no,for me is cool."

God,he was nice.I started again "But I-"

He said "Let me finish,then you think more." and I nodded.

Masimo said "I think if I go London,without youme say we will still be going out,you will be unhappy,You will not know where I like big are big attention are like 'me,mem,me' That is is why I like you would not be good if I am busy always away from me,I can say 'I am your man,I will be thinking of you and no one else.' But you will not will say 'What about me,me,me?' I think maybe I will be saving that,for me this time,I will not be going with the that is for me good also.I will have you,and we will know each other,then something else will ,maybe we go to London together._Ciao,bella_."

I wanted to weep and was so sort of grown sort of crap.

**11 Minutes Later**

**In Bed**

Is Masimo actually going to give up his chance with the Stiffs to be with me?


	9. Ve Are Not Wildly Waving Our Weapons Aro

I own nothing that you reconize -everything you may reconize from the Georgia Nicolson Confession series belongs to Ms. Louise Rennison .

Chaela-laughluuurver : Thank you for the loverly review ! I am purely a D/G person myself, but this story has quite a few twists and 're just going to have to keep reading to see how it ends,heh heh heh :)

PLEASE R & R !

**ve are not wildly waving our weapons around**

**Wednesday,October 5th**

**In the Gym**

**Sword Workshop**

Today we are having a 'workshop' instead of regular _Rom and Jul_ going-overs.

Herr Kamyer changed Into his 'sortswear' for the sword he kept his socks and socks suspenders knew this because his trackie bums were ankle length.

Miss Wilson practically bobed her self to the loony bin she was so excited to have 'Rudi' near. She was saying "Now,pay careful attentiionto Herr is the expert,and this needs to be done very precise because it could be dangerous."

Herr Kamyer said "That es ,zen,girl,vat ve are doing ist choreographing ze are not wildly waving our weapons around."

We all went "Whey-heyyy!"

**15 Minutes Later**

Good Lord,this is a has been stabbed twice and she isn't even in the fight 's her arse;it just seems to sort of attract the sword like a magnet.

The only pity is we're not allowed fake blood Wilson said not only would it be slippery and dangerous,but she thought it would be more 'creative' for us to come up with our own artistic interpretation of blood being spilled.

**14 Minutes Later**

Of course it involved balloons and red scarves.I knew it would.

**2 Minutes Later**

And free-form God.

The village people come on when I am stabbed,with red balloons and Wilson said "Now then,you village people,you have become blood,you are out of the and pumping! Wave those scarves and in a dance of blood and death."

Good Lord.

Nauseating said "Should I still be the dog and blood at the same time?"

Miss Wilson said "No,no,Pamela,put your dog on the side of the can leave it with one of the technicians."

I said to Rosie "If it's Dave the Laugh she hands it to,she'll either never see it again or the next time she does see it,it will be wearing comedy hers."

**Home**

I am full of exaustionosity,and even saying it is making me vair tired.

Masimo sounded a bit down "_Ciao,cara_,Did you have a good day?"

I said "Yes, we did sword fighting and it was tremendously the school play._Rom and Jul."_

He laughed "Yes I am glad you are more happy.I look forward to seeing you in it."

Oh ,no,no, in my .

Before I could say the no business he went on.

"The management,they call today and they are say it might not be so good for the I am not with them,I don't know.I say Robbie,he is good and they say yes,but it is more good with two."

Oh good, now I was ruining six peoples' lives .Bloody Hell.

**8p**

What should I do? 

**Thursday,October 6th**

**First Technical Run-Through With The Lads**

The lads are due in a minute for the first techie whatsit.

We are all huddled in the loos doing lippy work.

I feel a bit nervy.I don't know why.

**4.30p**

The lads have were all on the stage when they came sounded like they kicked the door open and all surged in at sort of huddled at the back of the stage while they whooped and yelled.

I said to Rosie "Can you see Dave the Laugh?"

And she said "Why,are you having the General Horn?"

I said "Noo,I just can't see him and.." at which point he walked in and waved at us all on the said "Settle down,girls,I am I have brought the finest handpicked lads with me."

**15 Minutes Later**

I had sort of felt too shy to go up to him and although he had caught my eye and winked ,he was busy chatting to all the other girls. He is an appalling flirt.

Dave looked at me for what seemed like ages .Then he came and stood really really close to My God.

He said "Hello,Miss,show me your sword"

My head nearly fell does he come and stand so close to me?I was happy to see him,though.

I said "How did you manage to ge handpicked?"

And he said "Kittykat, as you know,I am the vati is always handpicked,and the vati's mates are handpicked,also."

I said "Yes,but who does the handpicking?"  
And he said 'Hello"

**5.30p**

For a while I forgot I was on the horns of also prob up shi cree without a padd.

As I predicted,when handed over her puppet dog,it was the last she saw of him untill he appeared on the balcony with a false beard and a pair of comedy glasses at the suicide scene.

Actually,the lads were relatively well-behaved

The _piece de reistance_ of course was the snogging have never seen anything like lads at the side of the like Seeing Eye dogs.I wouldn't mind but it isn't even proper 's bloody mime-snogging and they are still drolling like drooling droolers.

There is some crap music and then Jul Rom start going into slow eyes met at the dance ad then they walk over to each they pucker up really slowly:puckering and moving their heads from side to side,with their arms flailing about (or,in Melanie's case,her nunga-nungas flailing about as well).And then there is the sound of waves crashingand they pretend to fall back and be swamped by the waves.

Then they do slow-motion puckering and arms flailing again,then the waves crash again and they fall back again.

It's WUBBISH snogging.

At the end of the big snogging fiasco,all the boys went "Phwooooar."

As I have said often,boys are sensationally weird.

**Home**

Speaking of weird,Dave seemed to leave often fast after .

Proably going off to see his is good.

I guess.

**Bed**

Masimo hasn't called.I'm actually sort of relieved,like when you have to take a big poo,and then go poo.

Now I can think,clearly I mean and not worry about what I am going to wear when he rings and so on.

So,right, got my thinking face mask on (egg yolk and cool cucumber over my eyes for collnosity factor).

**12 Minutes Later**

Nothing has come to mind.

I'm going to sleep.

**Friday,October 7th**

**Rom and Jul Rehearsals With the Lads**

I barely got any sleep last night.I dreamt about Dave coming to the play wearing a clown nose and I see him and lose my concentration in the middle of my bit on opening day,and fall head-over-arse off stage.

When the Lads came in he saw me and headed right for me "Hello Kittykat, you're looking you like a nibble of Dave the Biscuit.?"

I said "Errr,you're not going to dress..odd for opening night are you?"

He looked at me."Sven is going to be there."

"Oh,right,but...you'll be backstage..where I am...and..er.."

He put his arm around my shoulders "Ok,what is it now?Does your girlfriend want to wear matching tights?" which made me though..well,you know.

I said "No." and told him about my dream.

He smiled as I finished telling him and tweaked my chin Our faces were about 4 centimeters apart. Ooooooooh.

He winked and said "You've got nothing to worry about." and went off to his mates, but as he was walking,he turned round so he was walking backward and facing me,and called out "And Georgia,I really am quite flattered you're having dreams about me." .

So that EVERYONE could hear.

Oh,dear God.

**35 Minutes Later**

Rosie got a bit of a telling off for ad hoc beard work during her Nursie scene.

As I have said before,she has two styles of acting : with or without the beard.

**40 Minutes Later**

My fight scene was a triumph dahling, a triumph!

At the end of it Dave the Laugh said to me "I don't care what anyone says,I think you were marvelous."

I had to grab onto Rosie to keep from falling over.

She shoved me off and said "Gerroff,Lezzie.'

Since when has Dave gave me jelloid legs?

What is going on with me?

I must be getting flu or something.

**6.30p**

As we were going all along the corridor to get out of Stalg 14,I was next to Dave the Laugh.I didn't feel like I could say anything to him about the Luuurve God situation but it was Dave who said "About the other night.."

I said quickly "I know,I know,you just said something nice to me,to make me feel nice."

Dave said "No,not exactly.." and I was thinking oh,no,he didn't mean it at 's embarrassed now.I didn't know what to say.

He said 'I'm a bit confused."

I said "You don't need to talk to me about confused,I am Lady Confused of..well,I don't know where..."

He said "Look-I just wanted to say-"

I said "No,I just wanted to say-" By this tiime we were going towards the school gates.

Dave said "Look,you've chosen Masimo and.."

I said "Yeah,I know,but well.."

Dave said "But well what?

I didn't know what to say. I said 'I just,just yeah,I know but well..."

Dave looked at me and sighed "God,Georgia..."

I said "I know." but I don't.

And that's when I saw Masimo wating for me on his said 'You better go,kttykat.I'm off to see Emma." but he didn't sound sounded sort of sad. Double _merde_.

**Saturday,October 8th**

Jaa phoned up.

"Gee, guess what? Dave the Laugh has finished with Emma."

"WHAT?Er,I mean,really? How do you know?"

"Emma just was really could only hiccup for the longest time."

"Why did he say that he finished with her?"

"She said that he told her she was too good for him."

I said "Welll,to be frank,she else did she say?"  
Jas said "Well, this is the weird bit,she said that he said there was someone else."

Oh my else?

Dave had someone else?

And he said I was the most beautiful girl to him.

Whilst he had someone else?

Two someone elses.

**Thursday,October 13th**

**Dress Rehearsal**

Dave hasn't been at rehearsal all week..And Jas said Emma's been off school.

I wonder if Dave the Laugh is off with his new mystery girlfriend?

He's a bit of a swine if he is,just dumping poor Emma and going off with someone a care in the world.

Duumping Emma and telling me I am the most beautiful girl in the world .

Still,he is not my problem. He has proved himself to be a hard-hearted Hornmeister and gad-abouty boy.

**At Home**

**6p**

Masimo is coming to the Twits in Tights fiasco.

Oooohh noo.

I tried to persuade him not to,but he says he wants to see me.

In fact,even though I have once again tried to pretend to my family the show is in 3 weeks,instead of 2,they don't believe me.

Which is a savage indictment of our relationship if you ask me.

I said that to Mum.I said "I am very upset that you don't trust I tell you that the production is in 3 weeks,why oh why don't you believe me?"

And she said "Because I was talking to Jas' mum and she said she would see me there in a forenight."

Oh,typical.

Jas has told her parents the proper night of the show.

That is soooo typical.

She wants everyone to se her pretend snogging and being thrown around by pretend waves.

**6.30p**

Oh,fabulous..everyone's coming!

Grandvati and Maisie have popped round to go over their wedding colors? Plaid.

Yes, I said plaid.

Kill me,now.

When I saw Grandvati's prewar bike roar up and crash over into the dustbins I ran to my room to hide, but Mum dragged me down anyways.

She said "You are a part of this family, therefore,a part of this wedding too."

I said "Can I have a re-voting on that?" and she actually smacked ne round the chin with her slipper.

my big,red lurking lurker is now going to look ever bigger,and redder,and lurkyier.

**7p**

Going over the wedding of the century.

Rather,wedding of the centurions.

The giddy couple can't decided to have either doves let loose after the "I Do"s or white mice.

I said "Angus is going to have a fit either way."

Dad said "No,absolutely not,Angus is NOT going to the wedding!" and Grandad said "Then who's going to be the ring bearer?"

Good Lord.

**7.30p**

Yes!

Results!

After alot of persuading and crying (Mum) and cursing (Libby),Angus is now the ringbearer.

Dad was very ,very against it, being as Angus IS mad and all, but eventually he gave in.

He said "Well,Angus HAS calmed down a bit after,you know,the accident."

We all looked at him (Angus).He lept vertically three feet in the air, landed on tippy-toes and went off like that,yowling.

Dad said "Maybe it would be less of a safety hazard to have Libby bear the rings." 


	10. Le Plan

I own nothing from the Gee stories,Louise Rennison does !

**le plan**

**Thursday,October 20th**

**Final Read-Through**

It's finally here!

It's been a mad,mad,mad last 2 Wilson nearly had a nerv b. earlier this week.

Of course,it probably wasn't helped by someone (I have a hunch it was Dave the Laugh) letting a goat loose in her goat ate all but 1 of the scripts, plus about half of the villagers' costume before she finally caught it.

She had to have Elvis haul it goat was very very mad at being handled rough,as I know I would be (WELL unless Masimo was handling me rough..hehe),and headbutted Elvlis in the bum as he bent over to pick up a dustbin he had tripped over earlier.

Oh,how we laughed.

But quietly.

Lindsay has been on super-duper Gestapo Patrol ever since she got dumped.

I wonder if Dave wil turn up tonight.I bet he feels horrid about Emma.

Jas sad Emma might turn up to the opening,tomorrow night.

Oh Dear God.

What if she flung herself onstage and grabbed my sword (leave it) ?

**Friday,October 21st**

**7.30p**

Showtime!The roar of the grasepaint, the smell of the crowd.

Jas was pacing back and force even though her wig has no fringe,she still has managed to fiddle about with her annoying.

She said "Do you think everyone is going to know it's a tragedy?"  
I said "I guarentee tonight that after our moving inerpretation of _Rom and Jul _there will not be a dry seat in the as Grandad and Libby are here."

**15 Minutes Later**

No sign of Dave the Laugh.

He must reallybe having a bad time.

I hope he is alright, even though I am eschewing him with a firm hand because of his new secret girlfriend which I don't even care about.

**1 Minute Later**

Dave turned looked a bit dark around the eyes,like hadn't slept much but he greeted his mates with the usual slapping and "You idiot" sort of carry on.

He saw me and said "Hi kittykat,nice tights...and enormous beard."

I didn't meant to talk to him; I was going to give him my cold shoulderosity work for being such a cad and a bounder,but unfortunately,I culdn't help smiling at ,even though he looked tired,he did look really lovely.

**7.41p**

After he had been joshing around with the others he came over to me and said "Alright kittykat?" and suddenly I felt like crying.I wish he would just take hold of me.

I said "Well,not really,it's all been a bit ..."

He said "I know,it really has all been a bit...but c'mon,gird your gusset and cheer will be Hornmeister is here."

**By the side of the stage**

At last, it's my big fight scene.

Everyone things going quite well,actually.

As Melanie went on for her first scene I could hear Grandad say :"Bloody hell,she's a mature lass."

I took a deep breath and adjusted my beard (oo-er!).

Before I went on Dave gave me the thumbs-up and said "Give it you all ,tightswise!I am right behind you,oo-er!"

**Onstage**

My dying was a triumph!

I even improvised recovering a bit,just when everyone thought I was a goner.

The lights dimmed to atmospheric red and through my half-closed eyes I could see the 'blood corpuscles' dancing up to me like twits waving their scarves about.

Then,as last year,once again the stage was plunged into complete darkness.

I couldn't see a bloody thing.I heard someone whisper (loudly) "Which way is off?" and then there was a bit of a bang and someone in the dark say "Bloody hell what was that?" and then Mr Atwood's voice saying very loudly ":You steeped in my emergency kit."

It was an absolute shambles.

I stood up and started shugffling along sideways in the dark when the lights suddenly came up again.I could see the audience at someone shouted out,I'm pretty sure it was my dad "It's a bloody miracle,he's alive!"

I did a little bow then ran off the stage like mad.

The audience cheered and applauded.

**Backstage**

I looked at Dave the Laugh and he shrugged and said "Technical hitch but the show must go was an accident waiting to happen."

"What was?"  
"Putting me in charge of lights."

He has no shame.

The next scene was Melanie's big climbing on to the balcony of the lads crowded round the sides of the stage.

Melanie put her foot on the bottom rung of the ladder and reached out to haul herself up to the next of the lads and the audience went "Oooooh!" and then she went for the next rung and they went "Oooooh!".It was riveting to watch.

Finally she got up to the balcony and hauled herself up on she stood there and opened her arms to speak,all the buttons on her tunic pinged as she looked down in horror Dave the Laugh said "Are these my basoomas I see before me?"

**After the Show**

I like to think the play was a unique experiance for of people came backstage and said they had quite literally never seen anything like it.

We were doing a mad conga,with beards,when Masimo came in.

I had completely forgotten he was coming.

I felt so awful.

He looked at me in my beard with Dave the Laugh and the others.

Oh,no.

He wasn't going to challenge Dave the Laugh to another fisticuffs at dawn,was he?

I wouldn't really blame him this time.

In fact,I would lend him my handbag.

Shut up,brain.

Then he smiled at me.

Itr was a lovely smile.

I went over to him and he said to me "_Cara,_cane we talk for a minute?Not too long away from your friends."

And he wasn't being mean or anything, just really soft.

We went off down the corridor and through the fire exit to the outside.

He looked at me and stroked my God I had quickly removed my beard.

He said "Georgia,I am going to say this,for you.I am going to Americas.I will go Friday, in a week."

I went "But,but.."

And he said "I don't think I can speak long,for my I see how this is for you.I know you like me much,but you are,your heart is here,I will not make you choose.I am happy,I do not think I will ever meet anyone like you again..._ciao."_

And he gave me the longest,softest kiss.I couldn't head froze.I was still standing there,shocked,staring at the space where he was a few moments aago when he kissed me, when Jas came to find me.

She was all happy and stupid about the play "Gee, guess what,people cried when I died!"

I said "Yeah,Jas."

She looked at me "What's wrong?

I looked at her "He's gone."

Jas put her arm around me "Oh,Gee,I'm do you feel?"  
"Kind of funny?"  
"Well, are you going to the after party at Dave's?That's bound to cheer you up some."  
I shrugged "No,I don't think so.I think -I think I want to just go home, and go to bed."

She put her arm around me and said "Ok,well,I'll ring you tomorrw or maybe come round, okay?"

I smiled at her best I could."Kay"

I waited till she had gone off round the corner then went to the loos and locked my self eyes are burning from trying not to cry, and they ache like mad.

I just want to go home, and crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep,and sleep,and sleep and probably never wake up again.

**Bed**

Grandvati,Dad and the rest were all chatty the ride home.

I know they were just trying to cheer me up,but I didn't feel like being cheered up.

Why is it everytime I meet someone great, they leave me?

I really must be ugly and need to go to an ugly home.

Dave didn't mean what he said -about me being was just being nice.

I'm going to bed.

WITHOUT a face mask.

Yes,you heard right,that's how upset I am,I'm not even going to cleanse,tonse and moisturize.

Ha !That will show him !

**Tuesday,October 25th**

**7p**

I feel soooo bad.I've not gotten out of bed or even put just concealer on in WEEKS (well,4 days) now.

The Ace Gang has come to see me after school with snacksies and cheering-up but as I told them, and Mum,life has no meaning for me anymore.

So there's no point of ever getting out of bed.

Ever

.

**2 Minutes Later**

Well,except to poo and so on,but you get my gist and nub.

Dave has even came round and we talked quite a bit, mostly about Masimo.

Well,I talked about Masimo and he made comments about his mascara and his handbag.

Bloody hell, just because he wears makeup on stage doesn't make him singers, boy and girl, wear makeup.

I tried telling that to Dave but he wouldn't just turned the music on the radio. It was "Tracks of My Tears",or,as Dave called it,Tracks of My Pants.

He jumped on the bed and shouted "It's our song!"

I looked at him "You're mad."

He got off the bed and stood in front of me "You are."

He was standing so close I could feel his breath on my made me flush,aLOT.

He leaned over,and snogged me. 

**7.15p**

I could have snogged for ages, but Libby burst in,followed by Mum and Vati.I thought he was going to explode when he saw me and Dave.

I stopped kissing him but stayed close and whispered "Dave,run."

"J'taime"

He kissed me,hard,and ran,jumped over my bed, and out my window,landing on the smiled and waved at me, then slid down the tree.

I say slid, but what I mean is he slid down 3/4 of the way,and fell the rest.

I herard a thump and then him say "Bugger,I've broken my bottom."

I ran to the window and leaned out "Are you ok?"

He blew me a kiss "S'laters' and ran off down the street, shouting and waving his arms over his head.

Truly mad.

**7.30p**

His exit was so very bonkers that Mutti and her portly companion forgot to get mad at me for being 'sick' (Mum told Dad I was hsving "serious girl problems" and he's left me alone).

They bought me scented candles and Mum let me borrow her new Cosmo to cheer me up but I just handed it back,saying "I don't need this.I don't ever plan to go out with boys ever again,remember?" so she called Miss Wilson and she gave Mum a book called 'Twits' Guide to Shakespeare".Mum thinks I coul re-write all the Shakespeare plays to liven them up and sell them, and be famois,and not even have to leave bed.

She said Miss WIlson thinks I've got 'real potential." That coming from a women who wears cordouroy jumpsuits and a tragic bob..it doesn't mean it's the thought that counts.

**Wednesday,October 26th**

**7a**

**Bed**

When I told Mum I wasn't ever getting out of bed I meant it.

And she knew I meant it when she saw I've put all my makeup and boots away.

She's even let me stay home a few days, to God Dad is off at some water convention in 'd go ballistic if he knew I'vve been playing hooky for two days now.

I was going a bitm ad,being cooped up all day,but Mum's actually been really great about this whole han't even asked me why I'm staying in bed for half a week,now.

I'm guessing Radio Jas has rung and already told her.

But oh well.I get milky pops and chocolate out of it,to mend my broken (and probably fat,now) heart.

I'll probably weigh about a thousand stone once I decide TO get up.

Which will be...never.

I said that to Mum I said "I am never leaving my bed ever again." and she kissed my forhead (!) and said "Don't be ridiculous.I now it may seem bad ,now but as time passes it won't hurt as much and then one day,you 'll wake up,and not even think about it, and not realize you didn't think about all day untill that night,then you won't think about ..him for a week...then a month...and by the time a year passes, you've got another bloke to call your own."

I looked at Mum "You really think so?"

She smiled at me "I was dumped by the hottest bloke in my neighborhood when I was your age and you know,I can't even remember his name,now."

Hmmmm.

I swung my legs out from under the covers.

"Mum,I think I want to go to school."

**Assembly**

Met up with the Ace Gang while everyone was milling about,waiting for school to begin.

They nearly pooed when they saw me

They all screamed and gave me a group hug all at the same time.

Rosie refused to let go,which she knows I almost became a love-in.

Jas said "What are you doing here?I thoght you'd be gone for a week at least."

I looked at them "Guys,I have le plan."


	11. I'm Using My Feminine Wiles Whatever Th

Chaela-laughluuurver -As usual, all of Gee's plans are BRILLIANT! ...Brilliantly mad,that is :) Fanks fdor the review !

**I own nothing to may or may not reconize here...Louise Rennison does,lucky duck,er,person thangamabob that she is !**

**I would like to 'own' Dave the Laugh though...grrrrrrr ;)**

**i'm using my feminine wiles **

**Friday,October 28th**

**8a**

Today's the day Masimo 's heading off to London at 4.30p,So I have just enough time to change,dash over to his,and convince him to stay using my feminine wiles,whateve those are.I think it has to do with snogging.

I've packed an extra skirt, my cross-over top I was wore on our first date, my boots with heels and all my makeup and hair products in my rucksack.

I'm just going to carry my books -don't want to get my clothes all wrinkly.

Thank the Lord today is Wednesday-the last two classes of the day are German and R.E..Both of them always perfect for getting things done-filing my nails,applying my makeup,putting my hair curlers..you get the even waaxed her legs in class and Herr Kamyer never even noticed,so I think I'll be OK.

**Assembly**

Barely made it on time.I met Jas at her gate early, but forced her to walk slow so I won't sweat, but Jas got ansty being late,being the bum-holio kisser she is,and forced me to run with her the rest of the way.

As we got settled in line she whispered to me "Why don't you put your books in your rucky?"  
'Masimo leaves today and I can't go convince him to stay in my school uniform."

'How are you going to convince him to stay,skipping out on the chance to make aLOT of money?"  
I replied "I'm using my feminine wiles." and she started laughing,snorting and honking like a mox of one half goose,one half pig, and one half loony.

Slim gave her a reprimand for being disruptive.

I said 'Yeah,Jas,you're being too disruptive." only I said it quietly.

Jas heard though, and kicked thing I brought socks with thr grippies inside them,so they'll stay up.I def. don't want to show up black and blue with bruises and such.

**Break**

I am so nervous !

I've been going to piddle every 5 minutes.

Rosie asked me if I was preggers, because that's what they do because they baby is literally sitting on their bladder.

"I've only got to number 6 1/2."

"It could be a virgin birth."

I looked at her 'Shut up."

Jools said "She's only saying that because if she was,she wouldn't know who they dad would be."

"Shut 're just jealous."

"Yes,I've been in luurve with you for ages!" I shoved her."Geroff,lezzie!"

Unfortunately,Lindsay walked by just in time to hear me say that.

"Georgia Nicolson, there should be absolutely NO innapropiate dsiplays of affection in the school to Miss Slim's office,NOW."

"But-"

"NOW"Bloody hell, she's scary when she's mad.I don't know why she would be mad,though. It's not her boyfriend who's leaving,it's mine.

**20 Seconds Later**

Unless, bloody hell, she's cheating on Robbie.

With Masimo.

**35 Seconds Later**

Ergggg,I've been snogging Masimo.

And if she's been snogging him,it's like I've been snogging -no,no,no,the thought is too horrid to finish.

**Physics**

I told Miss Slim we were discussing how I had to go to the loo every 5 minutes, and how that's what preggers do,and Slim actually asked me if I was,you know,in a family way.I could have died.

I told her Mum gave me the talk aLONG time ago, but she didn't seem to believe me,so she called the rest of the Ace Gang in and gave us 'The Talk."

You know...the birds and the bees...trouser snake dancing...THAT talk.

I could tell Rosie was wanting to throw herself out the kept edging towards it the whole time,centimeter by centimeter.

On the brightside,we didn't get just had to promise to keep our love lifes private and off of school grounds.

**R.E.**

Ok,makeup down,check,hair? 10 on the bouncibility skill,nails and toenails painted,check.

I am completely ready to go see Masimo almost-all I've to do is change my clothes and I can do that quick,I've been practising for ages now and I can undress and get fully dressed again in less than 2 minutes.

**10 Minutes Til The Last Bell**

I raised my Wilson's bob nearly fell off in suprise "Yes,Georgia?"  
"May I go to the loo?"  
She look a bit relieved and sid "I guess so" then went back to talking about lepers or whatever she was going on about today.

I whispered "Catch you losers later in the funny papers!" to the Gang,grabbed my rucky and literally ran to the loos.

**Loos**

OK, 8 minutes to gives me more then enough time to piddle, dress, and re-touch my makeup if needed.

**Last Bell**

I am dressed to the teeth.

I think I did quite well on my makeup.I went with light foundation, but heavy mascara,eyeliner, and eye shadow.

I look like one of those balletrinas, who are very pale but in a good way.

At least my hair is tops in the bouncilbility department.

Now all I've got to do is get to Masimo's flat without getitng sweaty and red-faced.

**Walking to Masimo's**

Well, I needn't worry about getitng red faced-it's about 10 degress out.

Thank God I had the forethought to nick Mum's leather coat. It's very heavy and warm, plus it looks very fab with my boots.

**12 Minutes Later**

Ok,I'm here...big breaths...

I pressed the buzzer thing.

There was silence and for a horrible moment I thought he'd gone already but then his voice came through "Ciao?"  
"Hi,it' me...Georgia."

"Georgia! How ares you?" He sounded very happy to see there's hope after all.

"I'm a bit nippy noodles, but I come in?"  
"Yes caro, come right up, number the top level."

Hmmmm,how am I going to manage the stairs in heels PLUS a heavy rucky?

**2 Minutes Later**

Decided on leaving the rucky at the bottom of the stairs,sort of tucked away under a one could see it stairs are killing my feet feet but I must press on -things to do,Italian Sex Gods to snog.

When I got to the top level, Masimo was outside,leaning against the looked quite cool. And he saw me he starightened up and smiled.

Oooooh.I had to grab the rail,so I didn't fall heaf-over-arse down the stairs,and that might kill the mood of luuurve.

"You look bellisima but -what are you doing here when I have so little to go?"

"Well,I heard you were leaving, well,actually you told me,and I got full of sadnosity and pooiness of life, untill I realized that doing that helped no one so I came to you to see you so on."

"You came to see me?Come in, is very cold out."He took my hand and led me into his was very were paintings pn the wall, and the carpets didn't have stains like mine did.

"How you like?"

"It's very groovy gravy." Bugger, did I say groovy gravy?

He didn't seem to mind, smiled and said "I think you are very,uh,groovy too." and he snogged me.

**5 Minutes of Snogging Later**

When I finally pulled away to take a breath,I realized I was sitting down.

How did I get to the couch?Huh.

"Is there something the wrong?"

"No,I was just,er,admiring your couch."

He laughed "You are silly girl." and he leaned over and kissed my forhead.

What does that mean?

Not the silly girl bit, that's obvious, but the kiss on the forhead?

What would that be on the snogging scale?

2 1/3?

I must remember to ask Jas tomorrow.

"So,caro, you have come here for, alone?"  
"Well, yes.I mean I have my bag of clothes down stairs, but that's it."

For some reason this excited Masimo aLOT."You have ticket,to go home?"

"No,I don't have money see.."

"I buy you one,and you work pay off later."

"Ok, but I won't need a ticket,will I?It's not that far."

"Oh, but I am excited !You been there,before,yes?"  
I suddenly had the feeling that we were talking about two different places.

I said "What do you mean, before?" but he didn't hear me-Rollo and the rest of the band came crashing in,shouting and spraying champagne everywhere, and singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow." I could have sworn I saw Masimo's eyes tear that may been because a cork shot off and hit him between the eyes.

While they were carrying on with their loonosity I snuck off to the phone and rung Jas

"Jas, can you hear me?" I whispered.

"Yes but why are you whispering.i can barely hear your mum having one of her parties again?"  
"No,Jas,listen,I'm with Masimo-"

"WHAT?"  
I jerked the phone away from my ear.

"Bloody hell, Jas,are you trying ot make me deaf?"  
"Sorry,I just -what are you doing there?"

"I came to see Masimo off and he sort of got the idea..I was going to go with him."

Jas laughed "Where on Earth did he get that stupid idea?"

I peeked down the was saying "Hold on,I'll go find her."

I said quickly into the phone "Listen, it's a long story. Can you come by 112 Park Square Flats and cause a diversion?Bring Sven if " and hung up the phone just as Masimo came around the he saw me he smiled "Ah, there you are,beautiful."

"Sorry,I had use the loo."

He put his arm around me and walked me back to the guys were laughing and carrying on, shoving ech other and so forth, but when they saw me they all put down the noise maker and said "Does your mother know you're here?"  
I looked at him "Don't be stupid, of course she does." and they all looked at each probably knew I was speaking crap,but didn't want to say it in front of Masimo,who still had his arm round my waist.

"So she knows you're here, with Masimo?"  
"Yes"

"And about to leave for America ?"  
"Duh, would you leave with out telling YOUR family?"

"But what about classes,then?" Declan butted in.

"I'm in an exchange program.I'm going to a school in,er New York New York and in exchange they're sending a student here."

There was a looong awkward silence, then Dom said "Well,good luck then." and shook my hand,all was giving me the giggles but I managed to say "Fanks."

There was an even longeer awkward silence,and I was about to go into some mad jigging to break it,but then someone knocked at the door.I said "I'll get it". Thank God for Jas.

I went to the door and opened it,only it wasn't Jas, it was a taxi driver. "You packed,then?" He was dishy and must have been about 21.

I smiled my best smile, with my tongue behind my teeth and said "Sure am" only it came out "Lloor lamb".He looked at me oddly and I was afraid he was going to think this was a joke and leave, but then Masimo came up behind me and said "Yes,we bags are in the hall." and led him in,closing the door behind him.

Ooooh,God,pleeaseeee get Jas here soon.I really really don't want to go to America,as Mum will kill me, and that'll ruin things between Masimo and me. 

**14 Minutes Later**

We got all the bags packed and put away and still no sign of Jas and her diversion.I even tried to slow things up by asking aLOT of questions and pretending I had pre-flight sickness but Masimo told me lay down on the couch and rest,and gave me a little kiss,so then I HAD to have a little lie-down because of stupid legs.

Masimo saw the Lads out, then came to m,e "You ready then?" and held out his hand.

Maybe this trip won't be such a bad idea after all.

I won't have Mum or Dad's naff rules to worry about, no Slim,no Nazi Youth Patrol...just a life of rock and roll and lots of snogging,and maybe even trouser-snake dancing with my one and only.

I took his hand and smiled "As ready as I'll ever be."


	12. The Hardness Is Only Start

DevineOne : Thank you for the loverly review, it is much,er,loverly-ified :)

I don't own anything you may/do see and/or reconize hbere, they are all under the thumb of Louise Rennison ...*grumbles*lucky girl,wish it was me...*grumble grumble,arse arse.

**The Hardness Is Only Start **

**Saturday,October 29th**

**20,000 Feet In The Air (Or Is That The Time?)**

**12p**

I can't believe I am actually on a plane to Hamburger-a-go-go Land, with MASIMO !

I feel like singing and dancing with joy,only I can't because I've ate about 20 pounds of chocolate and I'm afraid that if I stand up my pants may explode.

Everything is going perfect already.I mean yes,we had to stop off at my place to get more clothes and my makeup and so on, then again to grab my extra spending money -i.e. the 1,500 extra pounds that Dad left on the counter to fly the rest of us to the Midlands after his confernece thingy, that Mum left on the counter, and yes,we nearly missed the plane and they had to stop it and turn it around for us, making about 500 million people very,very mad at us,but still, not a hitch so far !

Maimo reached over and squeezed my hand. "So does this mean you want to be official?"  
I looked at him and said "Isn't it a bit late to ask?" and he laughed. Blimey he's got such a scrummy numboes laugh, and he's SUCH nip libbler extroiddannaire.

**3 Seconds Later**

Wait, no,Dave is the lip nibbler, not Masimo.

**34 Seconds Later**

I wonder why Dave popped up (oo-er!) like that?

**5p**

We're there!

And about time,too.I could feel a bit of a nervy b coming on from being cooped up so long.

As we circled around before we landed,I looked out the city looked very nice-all the lights were looked like they lit up for us.

I wonder if Mutti and Vati have noticed I'm missing,yet?

Probably not.

**5.30p**

Bligh it's boiling out!

Thank god I thought ahead to pack my extra flip flops just in case.

As we went out of the airport,Masimo took my hand and squeezed it.

I squeezed his,back.

This is going to be GREAT,I can FEEL it !

**7.30p**

I thought we'd be staying in a hotel,being our first night and all, but no,we're staying at one of Masimo's aunts lives in 's vair vair noisy is shouting at each other out their windows and playing hockey and the mad.

His aunt,Missus Rossini ('but you can call me Flo') lives on the very end in a high-rise, whith means it's a block of flats that rises very,very must be about 100 stories tall.

She lives with her two sons, their wives, and their three sons.. Masimo rang the doorbell,I sort of hid behind stomach felt all fluttery and sick, like I swallowed a crate of Masimo took my hand and pulled me next to roughly,actually...

"This is family, you're family now." he asking me to marry him?

I was about to ask,but then the door slammed open and two boys, about round Lib's age, ran out shouting in Italian.I looked at Masimo and he was laughing. "Those are my 't worry, everyone here speaks the English also." which was a of.

**20 Minutes Later**

If you thought my house was mad, this is about 10 times here hugs and kisses aLOT, and I don't mean brothers snog each other,I mean everytime they see each other,even passing in the halls, they kiss each other on both Flo keeps pinching me and telling me I'm too skinny. So far she's made me eat a plate of lasagna. two rolls, a salad, 2 pieces of pie and a glass of sparkiling juice stuff.

.At this rate,I'm going to be as big as Slim in a week.

**1 Minute Later**

Well, okay, maybe not THAT large...but stilll...

**10 Minutes Later**

I bet Slim will explode like a bucket of lard (which she is) when she see's I've gone.

Tee hee.

**8pm**

It is quite nice to have a proper that cooks, and cleans and doesn't dress like a tart and drive a clown car,,,,, and asks you if you'd like to share a room with Masimo.I nearly choked to death on my spaghetti when she asked me that.

I probably had redness of the whole head.

Thank the dear Lord Sandra Masimo was in the loo.

I managed to say "Er,no thank-you.I-I mean wer,we're not-" and she hugged me and said "Oh, me want to keep things,..whole untill you marry?" which made me go even rederr-er.

Blimey, Masimo wasn't kidding me when he told me they were vair open with each other !

**Later**

Somehow ended in Masimo's room after all.

like that, you saucy minxes! Like, you know, not even with him, or even next to him or anything.I'm sleeping on the minicouch thing on the foot of the bed.

I was going to be on the couch in the family room but the youngest boy, Mario,drank too much coke and peed the couch,so here I am.

**10 Minutes Later**

It's a bit lonely in my own little sofa thing in a new city.

But thrilling at the same time.

No cold bottys ,not mad cats savaging my ankles...

I hope Vati doesn't sell Angus while I'm gone.

Then I really will never talk to him again.I can barely stand to already.

**35 Minutes Later**

I wonder if anyone misses me?

It's 1am here so, that's 6 hours away,plus three time zones times...oh, forget it.I can't do 's too jangly for my brain.

Numbers give me the mental droop.

Like 8,for example.

**25 minutes Later**

Masimo snores a .

**2 Minutes Later**

Blimey, even the way he snores gives me the horn.

He IS a Luuuuuuuurve God, after all !

**12 Minutes Later**

What could he possibly see in me? What are my best features? My eyes ? My casual sophisticosity?

I like everything about Masimo...his eyes,his lips...mmm...

I wonder if I can sneak over, just for a peek,without waking him up...hmmm.

**Next to Masimo**

Masimo looks very peaceful when he 's got a soft little smile on his face...yum yum.

I wonder if he'd mind if I kissed him, just a little kiss,while he's sleeping?

**17 Seconds Later **

Oh, Freaky deaky! I was sitting here, thinking over whether I should do it (shut up) or not, and Masimo opened his eyes and said "What are you thinking,caro?"  
""You look er,I mean...I really like your family."

He sat didn't have his shirt on and I could see his muscles.I had an overwhelming urge to run my tongue over them.

Good Lord, I'm turning into a sex-crazed cannibal thing!

Masimo patted the bed next to him."Come,sit."

He saw the look on my face and saif 'It is ok, I not hurt you." and I went over and slid into bed next to pulled the covers up over my feet."Better?You look cold?"

"Yeah, and the sofa is a bit lumpy."

He looked at me in my eyes for the longest time,then said "You can sleep here, if you like."

I felt my face go god,I can't breathe.I think I'm having a nery spaz.

'I can sleep on is good for my back."

"You shouldn't sleep on the 's your family."

"And you're my...guest."

Guest?

But then he put his arm round me and I had to sit quickly to not fall over.

He looked at me a bit oddly and I was afraid he'd gone off me,but then he scooted over and let me slide in next to him.

"You smell nice,bellisima."

"Er,thanks you smelll...manly"

He laughed. Goooood ! and put his arm round me.

"Come let us drift to,how you say,Boboland?"

He pulled me down with my head on his chest.

He's got a bit of a hairy chest,It's quite soft,like a little downy pilllow.

Cor,I've got the general Horn quite badly!

**Sunday,October 30th**

**11am**

Woke up to six pairs of eyes watching oldest son, he must have been about 13 or 14,said "Look at the size of those tits."

I looked down and realized the covers were off of me,revealing my halter I was in to Masimo.

And I fell asleep with my makeup god oh god, not good,NOT good.

I grabbed the covers over my movement woke Masimo who rolled over "What is it,caro?"  
"Uhm, nothing,it's just your...nephews are here."

He sat up and the Mario said "Aunty says to tell you and your girlfriend Lunch is ready." and they all ran out.

Masimo looked at me."You sleep bonne?"

"Oh yes, er,tres bonne. grazie."

"You are welcome." and he leaned over and kissed though I had morning makeup had mostly rubbed off on my my hair looks like I've stuck my finger in an electric socket.

**3 Seconds Later**

I feel like the most bea-uuutiful girl in the world.

**Noon**

Today Masimo is meeting with some corporate talent blokes so I'm spending the day with the famalgia.

After a big fight, which ended with a broken nose and a crate of cabbage out the window, they decided I should go on a tour to see New York,New York.I didn't tell them I've been here I did I'd have to tell them why,and they'd get the wrong idea about my family if I told them it was for a clown car convention.

I even get the wrong idea about my family thinking about it and I know them.

**4pm**

Home again,well,er,,sort of.

My tootsies are killing me.

Normal people take cabs, but ,you have to remember, this is of the Colonel, half man,half chicken, and extremely large shorts.

So we walked must have walked about a thousand miles (or whatever) today.

We went to the Statue of Liberty and then the Empire State Building and we dropped pennies off the top untill we were 'asked' to leave, by the police.

With a police escort.

**7pm**

Masimo finally home !

He came and gave me a big snog and said "Ciao,bellisima" in front of EVERYONE!

I am pretty sure his aunt was crying.

Or it was because Mario had just stuck her in the eye with this Statue of Liberty statutee thingy.

** 31st**

**9a,**

Masimo is out at the recording studio,AGAIN!

**1pm**

Masimo still off.

Blimey, he's must of made oodles of cds or records or...well you know, by NOW!

**7pm**  
The boys wanted to go trick-or-treating,so we all went out.

Halloween is very diferent here -instead of going house to house for treats they go from department store to department store.

But they have better treats-not only candy,but stuff like t-shirts, fake tattoos,rubber snakes,...you get the idea.I didn't bring a bag with me,because I didn't want Masimo to know I still went out and begged for candy but it didn't matter because the boys shared theirs with me.

I ate so much chocolate that I think I'm going to be sick down my self,plus I wore my heels,thinking we'd ride a taxi to most places.I didn't realize New York,New York is about a zillion miles the time we got back,my feet had swollen to about twice their normal size.

I better soak them,to reduce the swelling.I don't want Masimo to get back in and my feet look like elephant feet.

Like Slim has got.

**9p**

I fell asleep soaking my feet!

I was dreaming I was in London, walking along the Thames, and for some reason I was wearing all green,which I would never 's not good for my are my best color,I black.

At any rate,I was walking along, throwing french bread in the water to feed the ducks and Dave pops out of a bush dressed like a tries to tell me something but can't,because he's a mime, and mime's don't Masimo comes round the bend,sees Dave trying to talk to me, and picks up Dave and throws him in the water.

What on Earth can that mean?

Woke up and Masimo was in the kichen,cooking an his shirt on.

is all I can say.

And bliiiiiiiiimey !

**3a**

Watched horror movies with Masimo.

I mainly hid his face in his chest, which was gave me an excuse to breath him in .He' wears a sort of musky cologney-type stuff,only Italian.

Fell asleep on the couch like that,with his arm around was vair vair nice.

**Tuesday,November 1st**

**8a**

Up bright and early(ish!).

Well, as bright as floods can be -raining like billio out.

**8.10a**

When I went into the kitchen Masimo was already up in a cool blue looked tres yummy.

He was reading some papers, but when I came in he looked up and smiled at me "Cio, sleep good?"  
I smiled at him "Yuppperooney." Oh dear God,did I just say 'yupperooney'? Masimo has le idiot for a girlfriend...if that's what I am.

He didn't seem to mind, stood up and pulled a seat out for me,like you see guys do in luuurve sat down after I did, then toook my hands.

Er, I don't mean he cut my hands of my wrists and ran off with them. He just held them.

He said 'I have very good news.I talk to the record studio,they say I have good voice and they want me to sing for them again."

"That's fab!Are you going to make your own cd then,here,in New York New York?"  
"Not ask me to fly to is Motown celebration will be major recorders there and he thinks I have better chance getting known by being out,singing,live,so will sell more, and get a name."

"But you already have a name."

He smiled 'You are silly I mean was, I sing for this Motown,I get seen by million people, people see me they say 'Yes, there is a talented singer'.I'd sell more music that way."

"Oh, so it's sort of like audtioning for a you learn some lines and memorize them, so when you go to an actual audition you know what you're doing and don't set the set on fire or anything." Not that I've done that or anything...but Rosie has.

I wonder how Rosie and everyone is doing?I never really got to say goodbye.I bet they miss me oodles.I miss them bunches.I even miss Jas' mad ramblings.

I realized Masimo asked me a queston. "Er,what sorry?"

"I say. you want to go with me, to see Indiana?"

I said "You have to ask?" and he looked startled.

"I do?"  
"No, it was rhetorical."

"What is rhetorical?"

"It's...oh never mind.I'll go with you, yes."

It's exhausting, trying to talk to him sometimes,not that it's his fault that he's Italian.I just think everything would be easier if everyone just spoke English.

Proper English,I mean,not the Hamburger-a-go-go Land type's leave letters out of they say aluminum ...not aluminium. _Tres_ annoying.

Masimo squeezed my hand and said "That is happy to plane leaves tomorrow early so pack and sleep to day."

He stood up and started pulling a coat on.

"You're going out again?"

"Yes, caro,I have much work to do." He turned around and saw my face "You are sad, why is this?"

"It's just-wehaven'tseeneachotherinagesandnowwe'rehereandyou'reoutallthetimeandIdon'tevenknowifwe'reacoupleornot."

He leaned over, and kissed me on the lips, softly. "Do not will have much the time to spend together soon."

I stood there all jelloid and stupid as he went to the door,but as he opened it I came to my senses(ish) and stopped him.

"So are well,like you know,or not? I mean.."

Good lord, is Ellen rubbing off on me (shut up and leave it) ?

Masimo put his hands on my chin and tilted my head so I was looking directly in his eyes.I felt hot and melty all over. Goooood.

"Do you want be my girlfriend?"

I thought "Hm,let me I want to be the GIRLFRIEND of a certified ITALIAN STALLION/SEX GOD?YES I DO!" but said "Yes." If I said what I was thinking I mught have come off a bit...insane.

Anyhow,I said 'yes' and Masimo leaned over and snogged me.

We could have snogged for ages, but Mario ran in ,saw us and yelled "They're making out !They're making out!" Masimo jumped away from me like a lemming and said "Until later." then he kissed me again, just a little peck, then went out.

I had to hold on to the doorframe to keep from falling legs were wobbly for ages.

**10am**

Packed and seems my belongings have grown since last week.

I had to sit on my rucksack so I could do up the zip.

**3pm**

Big Scrabble tourney.

Had to rush the youngest girl,Maribella, to Casualty ('E.R.') to dislodge the letter 'Z' from her nose.

How it got up there I do not know.

**Wednesday,November 2nd**

**6a **

Only dawn and already the place is a madhouse.

I packed last night, but I had packed my clothesmakeup,and toothbrush so I had to unpack everything again, and then Mario tripped over my stuff and sprained his wrist.I still believe it wasn't my fault-he was told not to run in the flat in the first will anyone listen to me? course not.

**12p,Indianapolwhatsit**

Finally there.

I recieved a huge shock as we got off the plane -it's bloody COLD.

It must be at least 20 degrees colder here than it was in New York,New York.

And everyone here smiles New York,New York, you're more likely to be mugged,shot or cursed at then smiled at,a million times over.

**15 Minutes Later**

The city is alot smaller than New York New York, and there's pictures of really-good looking blokes sitting in cars,waving, EVERYWHERE.

I said to Masimo, my BOYFRIEND, "They must really love cars here." Masimo, my Italian Stallion BOYFRIEND said "The races are very popular here."

Races? What does horse racing have to do with cars?Unless they do it differently here (oo-er!),like the horses ride in cars or something.

Huh.

We went and ate then found a hotel nearish where Masimo is going to sing.

The room had only one bed,which I thought was rude for Masimo to do, but I didn't say anything.I don't know if he's paying for the rooms, or the record co. is and thought it was only going to be Masimo, my BOYFRIEND,there.

And did I mention Masimo is my BOYFRIEND?

We sngoged the whole plane ride over, almost.I'm just worried that he'll want to do ...a bit more and I don't know if I'm ready for that or not.

Last night we got to # 8,above-waist activity (indoors), and I could tell he really really liked it, but he didn't push me to do er,more.

And it did leave my nunga-nungas all red and sore.

I wonder if anyone else in the Ace Gang has gotten as far as I have?I doubt Ellen,Jas or Jools have, but I don't know about Rosie (understatement of the year).She told me she ands Sven do alot of stuff not even on the underwater-snogging (and nearly drowned doing it), and bicycle snogging, and even ear says it makes her go all jello-y and stupid all over, like when Dave the Laugh nip libbles me.

**15 Seconds Later**

Why does Dave keep popping up?

It's not like I like him or anything (much).

Just as a mate.

**45 Seconds Later**

With marvy snogging skills...

**3 Minutes Later**

I miss the Ace Gang.

**2 Minutes Later**

Masimo is in the shower, so maybe I should ring them...

**2 Minutes Later**

I couldn't figure out how to do the international codes,and I ended up talking to someone in Japan that owned a squid bait shop.

Hm...there should be a paper here telling you how to dial out...

**15 Minutes Even More Later**

Well, I found out how, in the phone book, but just as I got ready to dial Masimo came out in a towel with no shirt on and I nearly he's so gorgey and yummy and ...yum!

Masimo saw me staring and smiled."Hello."

"Nrghhh." I felt my face go this again.

He smiled though and came over and kissed me. His face was still warm and damp from the was very nice-like he was steaming my face and snogging me at the same time.

**10 Minutes Later**

Somehow I found myself on my back, and Masimo over me.

He's such a good snogger. He does varying pressure,like Rosie says Sven must be some sort of International thing.

I don't know if it applies to Hamburgese types,I've never snogged one, nor do I think I ever will any time soon.

Masimo sort of moaned on my neck and drew me back to started kissing down my neck and I felt myself go all stupid and warm.

MMMMmmm..maybe this isn't so bad after all.

**30 Minutes Later**

I am sitting here in shock.

I can't believe I was the one doing it..and I mean literally.

I did..trouser snake dancing.

Holy Hell.

I am now a woman.

I mean,I was before,you know, THAT happened,but now I'm a women like Madonna.

**4 Seconds Later**

Ok,maybe not like Madonna.I hear she does trouser snake dancing a I've done...IT just once.

She's more like my Mum,big nunga-nungas poking out wily-nily.

She's even wore a cone bra would be vair dangerous if Mutti did that -she'd poke out everyone breasty business sort of runs free and wild and all over the place on their own.

**3 Minutes Later**

I just had a mental image of Mum's breastseses running amok down Main Street, swallowing people up like in the Blob.

Very scary.

But anyways,shoo.I'm a woman-woman now (as opposed to a man-woman? OO-er).

**5 Minutes Later,Looking In The Loo Mirror**

I don't look any different except my nunga-nungas are a bit bigger.

Or they may just be played with them alot.

I don't know exactly how IT happened, but it minute we were on the bed,snogging for our lives, and the next thing I know I had taken off his towel.I didn't MEAN to .My hands sort of crept down on their in that movie,Idle Hands where a kid's hand are possessed by the devil and go about on their my hands weren't killing people, just removing towels off of very naked, yummy Sex Gods.

After I did that he started to kiss harder, and he sort of pulled me up closer to him and then...we did it.

It sort of hurt at first, and I bled a little. I must be having my monthly visitor early.

At any rate,it was nice but not at all like I expected.

I'm just glad Masimo had,you know,rubbers.

**3 Minutes Later**

Oh hell.I went to the loo and saw my self in the mirror-I've got love bites all over my .I look like I've been attacked by a vampire.

**15 Minutes Later**

While Masimo is out getting something to eat I am going to do serious makeup work,then I am going to ring the Ace Gang.I have SERIOUS news.

**15 Minutes Even More Later-er**

Ok, my makeup is done.I think I did a good job, hiding the marks.I just used a lot of base and concealer and a hint of panstick,then I brushed a ITTY BITTY bit of blush on it so my neck doesn't look like it's covered in white spots.

It actually doesn't look have bad.

Huh.

Anyways,now time to call the Ace Gang.

I am a bit nervous to ring them, if Mutti and Vati are there and they pick up?

Can't the police track phone numbers?Then they'd know where to go, and they'd def. kill me.

I better ring Rosie can call back from the phone booth outside hers.

It rang about 10 times before she picked up "Yes,I know,I know, I'll be there in 5"

"Rosie?"

"GEORGIA?"

"Bloody hell, why'd you scream like that?"

"Why'd you leave?"

"Why did you scream?"

"Why did you leave?"

"i asked first"

"Well-ok, because you've been missing for thought we'd never hear from you again."

"I ring and the first thing you do is have a nervy spaz."

"Well, it's just -SVEN GET OFF THE TABLE IN MY HEELS, YOU'LL SCRATCH IT UP-sorry, everyone's round and it's a bit mad."

"Are you having a party?  
"No, actually, we were talking about says you called from Masimo's but by the time she got there you'd thought the worst that Masimo had,you know,kidnapped you and called the police!"

"Rosie, can you do me a favor and KILL her for me?"

I heard Jas in the background "Is that Gee?Let me talk to her !Let me talk to her!"

Rosie said off the phone 'Owow, stop hitting me you cream-faced ." then Jas' voice came over "Where in the hell are you?"

"I am sitting in a hotel, eating chocolate and having the time of my life,being waited hand and foot on by a Sex the hell are you?"  
"We were having a meeting!We were really scared, thought-well,you is here. Dave was here was soo mad when he heard you've was a bit scary."

Dave? Mad?

"Is he still there?"

"No,,you just missed 's taking this really rough."

's odd.I wonder why?

Jas went on 'Oh,I am so gald you're ARE ok,aren't you?He didn't make you do anything you know,bad?"  
Oo-er.

"Don't get your ginormous panties in a 're OK."

"We?"

"Yes,'re official!"

"Cor."

"I know."

There was a pause then "Did you say panties?"  
"Er,?"

"YOU'RE IN AMERICA?"

I held the phone from my ,I'm going to be deaf soon.

"We thought you two had gone to Italy or London or something,What in the name of Lord Sandra are you doing in AMERICA?"

"Well, Masimo has a big singing gig, and we're getting ready for it."

I heard Ellen say "Is, like,she,you know."

Jas said "Ellen wanted to know if you'll be doing anything with him?"  
"Oo-er."

"Shut up and I don't know yet." I heard a car door slam and peeked out round the plaid (yes,I said plaid) curtains.

"Listen,Masimo's back and he needs help with the my best to everyone!' and I rang off.

It honestly made me a bit teary-eyed to hear the Gang's voice again, but I must be one likes an emotional popstar's girlfriend.

Went and opened the door for Masimo who looked shocked, untill I realized I didn't have any PANTS on .I jumped behind the door and closed it as Masimo came in.

Masimo laughed though and said "Hello to you too." and kissed me.

**4p**

Over a big chinese dinner Masimo told me that the practices for the concert start tomorrow morning and would take all day.

I said "Is there anything I can do?"

And Masimo looked at me a bit, then said "I don't have the know.I'll ask tomorrow when I go."

I felt my heart drop a bit "I'm not going too?"

"You want come along?" as if I was a two year .

"Yes, I'm sure I can help somehow.I was in drama for a LONG time.I can make sets and design costumes and so forth"

Masimo thought a bit then said "Ok,you come too."

Yes!

Hollywood, here I come !

**Thursday,November 3rd**

**5a**

Up at dawn to get ready,shower,etc.

I still have to get up before Masimo hasn't seen me without makeup on and I want to keep it that way,when everything is going so good like it is.

**6a**

Right,I am completely ready and Masimo still has another 2 hours before he gets up.

So now I can just slip back into bed and pretend I've been asleep this whole time, and when he wakes up and sees me he'll think "Cor,how did such a gorgey-io women get in bed with me?"

Yes,it's a very good plan.

**8a**

bugger bugger

I didn't plan on falling asleep, but I did and now my eyeliner is all smeary.I'm going to have to re-do EVERYTHING.

I never knew being the girlfriend of a pop star would be so exhausting !

**8.30a**

When I got out of the loos,hair in tip-top bouncibility and makeup fixed,Masimo was already up,stroking his guitar.

Oo-er.

No, that's not what I I meant was he was sitting on the edge of the bed,playing with his guitar.

Er,I mean...oh,forget know what I it doesn't mean what you think you know what it means.

At all.

ANYHOW,he looked up and saw me watching smiled and set the guitar aside.

He was only in his PANTS.

He doesn't wear briefs like most men do (so I've heard).He wears little men-thong things.

The one he was wearing today was red.I found it very hard NOT to stare.

"Good sleep good?"

"Erngmgf."

He laughed and came over to me and snogged me.

**9a**

Bugger,bugger,bugger,we've only got 30 minutes to eat and get to whereever the practices are being held.

Not that IT wasn't nice...it didn't hurt so much this time.I think I'm getting better at it too becaue it didn't take as long for Masimo to...finish.

He kept doing this moany-breathy thing in my made my red bottom emerge so I did it to him and he said something in Italian.

I hope it was something good, and not "Blimey, my girlfriend's breath smells like a wet dog" or anything.

**2 Seconds Later**

No,my breath is OK.

So he must have something good.

**4 Minutes Later**

Oo-er,you don't think...

I mean,we HAVE been spending alot of time together,playing cards and talking and trouser snake dancing.

He must love me by wouldn't?

I am gorgey and have a brilliant sense of witticismosity and could possibly resist?

No one,that's who.

Just like I can't resist Masimo with his gorgey eyes,soft lips...mmmm...

But I don't think I l-word just yet.

I mean I love him as a mate and snoggee and a trouser snake dancing partner,but that's about it.

For now.

I don't know about tomorrow .Only Baby Jesus and the Beardy One (no you fules,not Vati..God.) do.

**9.30a**

Pulled in just in time (ooer).

We're practicing at a theater,where they have plays and so on.

Masimo said they have a really big stage and auditorium so it's perfect for sound check,whatever that when they're checking sound is coming out their I don't see why they have to use a whole audiwhatsit for can just use their ears,and that is the mysterosity of guitar pluckers.

When we went in there were already about a hundred people milling about,talking and chatting.

When they saw me and Masimo come in,holding hands,they elbowed each other and started 're probably jealous they don't have an Italian Sex God as their plaything.

Masimo squeezed my hand and whispered "Do not be the nervous.I am here." OOooh,that's SO 's looking out for me like a..brother.

ERLACK, no no no,that's not I mean is he's looking out for me like a brother, but not in an Oedipus way, in a looking-out-for-you way.

Anyhow,we wernt round the stage to the back to where the singers were 10 in all, including 3 girls. They were all made up and proffesional-looking but when they saw Masimo they started gigling and flipping their .

Masimo ignored them though and said to a man with a clip board "This is my,ah,girlfriend, came here to help."

Clipboard Man looked me over " can you do?" He was very scary,like a more mannish version of Slim.

"Er,back home I was in drama and I made all the sets and costumes and so forth,and I came up with ways to improve the plays."

Like Furry Hand I didn't say Slim didn't look like he ever had a laugh would get along great with Slim.

They could get married and have elephantine babies.

Shut up,brain.

Clipboard Slim said "Ok,you'll help the guys with the sets." He handed me a bunch of papers. "Fill these out."

I flipped through must have been about 20 pages in expects me to READ all this?

I can barely be buggered to do my homework.

Mr. 'Slim' saw my questioning look and said "They're release forms,so if you get hurt you can't hold me liable and sue."

He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around,pointing at a group of boys off in the back."They'll help you with any they don't know,ask me."

I felt an urge to click my heels together and to salute and say "Ja,Herr Komandant:" ,like we used to do whenever Herr Kamyer asked us a question in German...or Physics,but managed to supress it.

I nodded like a nodding thng. "Ok" I smiled at Masimo and he said "Bye Caro." and I went to where Herr Kom,er,Clipboard Man had pointed me.

**18 Minutes Later **

The boys are vair bonkers, like male versions of the Ace Gang !

James is the head bonker,er,'s a bit like Jas, all serious and without a crap has actually got quite cool hair.

Donnie is like Ellen, all ditherspazzy and dim, with aLOT more acne of the whole head.

Alan is like Jools,he's even you know...boy-crazy too.

Yes,like THAT (not that there's anything wrong with it..) .

Greg is like Honor and Mabs put together (shutup shutup) :quiet but can be a bit mad sometimes.

Derek is like Rosie, completely off his less beard-y and Viking-y,but more mad in general.

And Jake is like Dave,he's a laugh and completely I first walked up to them he said "Are you here to show us how to use our tools?",holding a screwdriver like it's his..you know..boy-y bit, and everyone laughed.

I am going to have to call him Jake the Laugh.

They build the sets and costumes for everything,plus they do all the lighting and curtainwork.

James said "We are the brains of the operation." and Jake said "Yes, and Randy is the ass."

"Who's,er,Randy?"  
"You met him, the walking turd himself."

"Head honcho."

"Big Head."

"And big ass."

'You mean the scary guy with the clip board?"  
"Yep,he's Randy."

"Ooo-er."

"What does ooer mean?We don't speak ...England-English."

"It means...oo-er.

They just looked at me.

I said "Back home,randy means you're wanting to er..."

And they all did that nodding thing boys do.

Then Jake said "What's snogging? And can you practice on me?"

"Snogging is frontal knutschen with tongues involved,which is I think #4 on the snogging scale."

And then I had to tell them about the snogging loved it, especially my German the rest of the day we shouted out "Nein!" and "Auf Gehen Ganze!" whenever someone asked us to tighten nuts or nail something (ooer!)

Very,very like back home.

So maybe this won't be so bad after all.

'**Home'**

I am vair vair and completely tuckered out.

I never work would be such hard work !

I said that to Masimo, I said "I never work would be such hard work." and he said "The hardness is only start."

Whatever that means.


	13. Heaven Is A Place In MY PANTS

**IluvDTLandGeeNicks -Take a deep breath...Ohmmm...read the next few chappies :) **

**Like DTL says...nothing is ever what it PANTS...I mean seems ! **

**I do NOT,I repeat NOT own any thing here that has to do with Georgia Nicolson,her isms ,chracteristics,mad sisters or bonkers cats.**

**Those are Louise Rennsion's :)**

**please R&R**

**Heaven Is A Place In MY PANTS.**

**Tuesday,November 8th**

**8a,Bed**

Today is my first day off and I'm up like an earwig early .

The last few days have been EXHASUTING.

I've been helping to create the set and sew costumes and so on..I didn't bother telling them I didn't know how to sew-it's just a minore detail.

The concert is going to be tres 's Motown-themed, so it's full of 60s-type cat suits and big black there's always music like the Supremes,the Jackson 5,the 4 Tops...etc. playing.

So It's like Drama class...only FUN.

Minus the tragic bobs.

And I get paid !

The Beardy Ace Gang,as I call Jake,Donnie,Alan,Greg,Derek and James and are beyond that I help or anything(ish).

I taught them the Viking Victory Horn Dance and now between breaks we dance like mad to whatever music is a ...laugh.

Masimo caught me dancing once and looked at me like I've gone competely bonkers but what does he know?

He's not much in the laugh department.

He does look gorgey when he sleeps,though.

I may be spending too much time with the Beardy Ace Gang,though -everytime Masimo snogs me I keep seeing Dave in my head,doing the Congo or the twist and it gives me the mad giggles.

You know the kind, once you get them you can't stop.

Yes,I had those.

And I know,it's very off-putting for someone to laugh as you're snogging them.

**20 Minutes Later **

You know,I don't think I've ever seen Masimo actually laugh.

**1 Minute Later**

Even Robbie had a laugh now and then, and he wrote depressing songs about dolphins being made into tuna and saving the enviroment and so on.

**3 Minutes Later**

I bet Dave would think dancing like Vikings to the Supremes was a laugh.

Jas said he's not been much of a laugh lately,though.I wonder why?

Do blokes get PMS ?

Ooo-er where would they put the tampon !

I was going over all this in my head and didn't notice Masimo was awake untill his hand snaked up and squeezed my thigh.I screamed and jumped about 100 feet,neasrly missing the bed by mere centimeters.

Tres attractive.

Not.

"What are you thinking?"  
I smiled at him "Nothing." and leaned over and kissed him.

Masimo is SUCH a gorgey,fab singer .I can't believe he is that is mine all miney !

He looked at me a bit and I realized I was staring.I felt my face go beetroot.

"Er,sorry,I was just...thinking."

"That is good, you think.I have to sing so go watch tv, ok? And we will do something together,later." and he leaned forward,kissed me on the cheek and put his headphone on.

**10 Minutes Later**

He is soooo gorgey, sitting on the bed and singing with his eyes closed.

How did I get so damn lucky to have an Italian Stallion Sex God as my plaything?

**2 Minutes Later**

Ooops-I'm staring again.

**10 Seconds Later**

And drooling.I'm glad he didn't see.

I better go find something to do before I completely wet myself.

**20 Seconds Later**

Ooo-er!

**1p**

Watched tv untill Masimo made -a-go-go Land has the funniest Mind Punk''d reminded me of Dave,and how one time,in Chems,he doused his hand in some chemical,I can't be bothered to remember what kind, and set his hand on fire, and then raised hish and to ask a question.

Vair hilarious.

**3 Minutes Later**

And the time he put the "For Sale" sign on his school.

**2 Minutes Later**

And the time he was in charge of the lights diring a play and he kept switching them off, and everyone fell off the stage.

Those were fun times.

**12 Minutes Later**

Masimo was watching me sit there and laugh,remembering when Elvis tripped over his own wheelbarrow and pulled his back, because I told him Jas was on fire.

"Are you alright?"

"Alrighty as two things." Good Lord,did I just say that to my INTERNATIONAL POPSTAR BOYFRIEND?

He must have not understood ,though because he said "You looked sad so I was asked."

I looked sad ? I was laughing my PANTS off (oo-er).

That shows how much of an un-laugh Masimo is,not knowing the difference between madness and sandosity.

I smiled at him and said "OK,Be good girl." and put his headphones on.

Like I was a dog.

**32 Minutes Later**

He may not be much in the Laugh Department but he's got a gorgey voice.

I think he sings "I Can't Help My PANTS." even better than the Four that's my vair vair snog-based biased opinion.

**2 Minutes Later**

"Dancing In My Nuddy-Pants"

Hahahaha.

**1 Minute Later**

**'**Heaven Is A Place In MY PANTS."

Hahahaha,ohmygodohmygod,I can't breathe.

**3 Minutes Later**

Uh-oh.

Masimo turned and gave me the dirtiest of dirty looks.I said straight-faced,well as straight-faced as I could, "This show is,er,very funny."

Unfortunately the prank show over a show on the death of Princess Di was on.

Ooops.

**7 Minutes Later,Outside**

We both decided that it would be best if I went walking outside.

It's not my 's the one that came up with the whole PANTS fiasco, singing 'The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of PANTS" .

So Masimo didn't have to get the hump with me.

**30 Seconds Later**

It is soo 's abso. nothing exciting in this town. 

**45 Minutes Later**

Decided to roll my skirt up and take a walk and see how many honks I get.I got 15 honks, two whistles and aLOT of stares.I would have walked longer but then the police told me to go away.

Actually,they first tried to haul me in because they thought I was a prozzie,and when I told them about the concert thing,they drove me back to the hotel.

Masimo was standing at the looked very worried when the police car pulled in in front of the room, but when he saw me get out of the veee-hick-le he said,and I quote "Oh, damn what has she done now?"  
Which is lovely coming from my GORGEY ITALIAN STALLION BOYFRIEND.

**12 Seconds Later**

In case you didn't catch that, I was being sarky.

**20 Minutes Later**

Masimo smooth-talked the police into not throwing me in the pokey for a week or two, and then after they'd gone he came and stood in the door way,just looking at me siting on the bed.

I tried to look at him back without blinking,because blinking is supposed to be unattractive, but it was making my eyes burn like billio.

Finally he said "You want to go out,do something?You're not used to work all day and I forgot."

I smiled at him "Ok"

He walked over to me,gave me a little kiss on the cheek,and said "Get dressed then."

**11p**

I was wrong-there's TONS to do here!

We went to eat at a cool restraunt that had a live Jazz Band, then walked around the city for ages.

I'm glad I work more sensible shoes this met up with the Beardy Barmy Army and went was pure madness.

I was in a dress,for one thing, and didn't know how to bowl for a second er,thing.

Masimo tried to show me how to bowl, but after I acidentally (I swear,Officer!) dropped the ball on his toes 4 times he decided to sit it out and just watch us.

Which was a vair vair bad idea.

I mean,I did ok,considering everytime it was my turn,either Jake would sneak up steal my ball and run off with it to the men's loos,or Derek would jump on me like a horse and shout "Giuddyup!" or "Hooorn!".

The manager looked quite nervous when we came in but he came and even joined us after a while.

The alley had music playing over an intercom thing, mainly 80s music which provided for prime comedic PANTS oppurtnities.

We sang "Open PANTS", "Fallen PANTS", "Every PANTS Has A Thorn", and "Hold An Old Friend's PANTS" **'**Heaven Is A Place In MY PANTS".

I told the Beardy Barmy Army about "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of PANTS" and then they all wanted to start it,even the manager,Ricky.

It was a mad,mad very should do this every day off.

In the end of the game I got a 129, the second lowest had by far the lowest, he would do is is he'd grab his ball (leave it) and lob it like a disco thrower.

I don't think I've ever seen a bowling ball jump 5 lanes before.

I'm glad no one was hurt badly, just aLOT of bruised ankles.

The bowling alley guy,Rick,looked quite sad to see us leave and I was a bit,too,but I promised we'd be back next week and he nearly danced for joy.

**20 Minutes Later**

Had to put on a nice,cooling face face aches from laughing SO much.

I don't think Masimo had much fun,though.I kept looking back at him to see if he was having fun,too but he just sat there,frowning the whole time.

And when we got back I asked him if he wanted me to make a nice,refreshing fgoot soak for him,like I used to do at home after I wore heels and danced all night and when I got home my feet were red and swollen and ouchy, but he just said "I'm going to bed."

Bloody hell,what's up his arse?

A bowling ball,I'd say.

**2 Seconds Later**

That's not a mental image I think I'd ever want again.

**Wednesday,November 9th**

**9a**

Woke up late,we were so tiredded out from yesterday's bowling fandango, so big mad rush to be on we got there,Jake's hair was standing on end.

As we lined up for our usual 'pep talk', i.e. Randy yells at us and we hum songs in our head,I whsipered "You look ike a cockatoo with a stick up his bum" and Jake whispered back "A cock with a stick up his bum?Sounds like paradise compared to Randy:" and we fell about laughing.

**1p**

**Lunch Break**

Forgot my lunch,rushing about like mad this morning, so sharing Jake's nanner and cheesy whatsits.

I sat back against a rubber disco ball "Ahhh,this is the life."

Jake looked at me a long time and said "Did you have it rough back home then?"

"No,just my mum's a tart, my dad is daft and useless, my little sister is mad ,4 years old, and poos in my bed, and my cat ate my best tights."

Jake laughed and said "That's don't seem to be too badly messed up from it,though."

"I found ways to avoid it."

"How?"

"Going out with my mates, aLOT ."

**2p**

As we went back to hammering and screwing things (oo-er!) I told them about Rom and Jul, and Twits and were quite mesmerized when I told them about Melanie's shirt popping open during the middle of her scene.

They nearly pissed themselves when I told them about how Dave said "Are thse my basoomas I see before me?".

I wonder how Dave is doing?

**8p**

As we drove back to the hotel,we didn't really talk much.I was too tired and stiff to if I wasn't,I couldn't find anything to talk to him about.

Is this what it's like,being in a serious relationship?

Maybe that's why Mum and Dad are so shouty, they need to find something to talk about so they blame each other for eating the last poptart when,really,I so on.

**Thursday ,November 10th**

**10a**

Before we started today,Randy gave us a pep talk,similar to Slim's "Make England Proud' speech right before we left to France and Germany and nearly caused an international .

"The Big Day is only two weeks away,so you've got to buckle 're way behind schedule."

Someone,I am pretty sure it was Jake,called out "You've got plenty of behind to spare!" and everyone laughed.

Randy frowned "Any and all childness must be put to an 've got to buckle down and put our noses to the grindstone!We got alot of work to do and only days to get it done,so no more Mr. Nice Guy."

Derek asked "Who?I've never seen him?"

I could have sworn a vein in Randy's forehead popped. He turned very red and shouted at us, calling us 'lazy' and 'unreliable:' which was a bit rich coming from someone who does nothing but stand around,eating donuts and shout.

In the end, he told us that we're working longer hours and 7 days,even the singers,untill we get back on task.

Which is crap.

I might as well be back in Stalag 14.

**1p**

Was painting a cloud when it hit said the singers will be working 7 days.I thought Masimo already was.

I told that to Jake.

Randy put us into pairs, thinking that would stamp out the Loonosity, but just meet up before it's time to get to work and plan when to do spontaneous dancing ,whenever someone says the code word.

Lately the code word has been 'fire',and about 70 percent of Motown and oldies-type songs have that word in it,so we're all exhausted and danced-out by the end of the day.

At any rate,I told Jake that Masimo was already working late.

He looked at me a long time.

"You said he's working all the time already?"  
"Yes, 7 days, and he usually doesn't get in untill,like,8 or 9 o'clock."

He looked very sad,but just for a hugged me "I think Randy is losing his mad little must have forgotten he already said that,he's under so much stress and all."

I said "Yes,the gravitational pull on his gigantic arse must cause great stress" and Jake laughed.

Huh.I never noticed, but he laughs like Dave even. How...fitting.

He smiled at me,then squeezed my arm. 'I better tell him he's repeating himself.I don't want to hear that stirring pep talk he gave us this morning ever again" which made me laugh.

**8p**

Randy wasn't kidding about staying 're only just starting to pack up for the night.

I helped Jake,Derek...and so on sweep up the wood shavings and take the trash out then went back in to find Masimo.

**8.15p**

This place is SO big. I can't find Masimo anywhere.

I asked around and on one's sen him either.

I hope he doesn't leave without 's a long ways walk to the hotel, and it's about 20 degreees out.

**8.50p**

I finally found Masimo talking to one of the other singers,I think her name was Kate,in the sound booth.

The light was hitting him from behind,and he looked so no one was around I would have snogged him right there.

Masimo must have felt me looking, like magnetism, and looked in my sort of jumped away from Kate and waved me over .  
"Hello,how ares you?" He kissed me on the cheek.

"Good but my arms are aching like billio.I'm ready to go to bed."

"Ok, I have to pack my guitar then I be me at car?"

I said "Ok",then after a quick bit of #4 snogging,went to the car.

At least I can re-apply my maekup and so on before he gets here.I'm sure I look a mess.

**9.10p,Car**

I don't look so bad, just tired.

I'm going to be soooo glad when November 25th gets here and I can sleep in and reax again.I've not put on a face mask in ages and I you can see the lurkers lurking like...red,lurking lurkers.

Ergh.

**Sunday,November 13th**

**7am**

Finally got a day off(ish)-mice have gotten in and ate part of the curtains so exterminators had to be brought in,so nothing can be done in the theater as they're gassing it or whatever.

Things have been so crazy lately I'vw not had time to think.

The Sets are nearly done, all they need is painting and so says we're to use a glitter gun, but it sounds too good to be true.

We've been working 6 days a week on the set,and on days off we go crash parties or cause mayhem on the streets,running against a crowd and yelling "Stampede" or standingi n the town square like statues, and then when someone walks by smacking their bum or grabbing them and scaring the poo out of them (er,not literally).

You know, the usual madness.

But Masimo has been working 7 days a week and gets in later every night.I barely see him anymore.

And I love his snogging skills and all,but I sort of like being on my own a 's very nice and mad toddlers pooing everywhere, no shouty Vatis...this must be what it's like living on your own.

I must do it more often.

I think I am just going to sleep all , that sounds best.

But first,some snacks.

**7.10a**

Found some eggs in the mini fridge thing.

I can truy relax,now!

**11a**

Oh bugger,I fell asleep with the face mask on.

**11.08a**

I washed the mask off but my face still feels all tight and hurty.I hope this isn't permanent.

**1p**

I am soooo bored and hungry.

**1.20p**

Now I am bored and sick.

Ate:

3 bananas

2 cups of coffee

3 snickers

2 Three Muskateers (don't be stupid,I meant the candy bar)

A handful of m&ms

Some cold oven fries with ketchup

and 2 cokes

**2p**

I know what to do-I don't know why I didn't think of it before !

**2 Minutes Later**

The phone rang about a half-dozen times before someone picked up "Hullo, Viking Central, we have all your Viking Needs"

"I have viking needs."

"Shut up Sven,you big sexy fool,I'm on the phone."

"Hi Rosie"

"Gee! Fab to hear from you! How are you?What have you been doing?It's been ages since I've heard from it snowed there?We've been snowed in for a week now ands we're getting more snow all the next two weeks ! What have you been up to?Well, why don't you answer me?"

Nothing has changed there.

"Hi,I'm doing good,I'm part of the concert,I make sets and so on,and I am answering you."

"It;s great to hear from on,let me get everyone downstairs." And I heard her yell up the stairs 'OY GET YOUR ARSES DOWN HERE PRONTO."

There was a pause, then the thundering of mad feet then I heard Dave say "I am not going to wear a furry dress ,so get off it."

I flet my heart sort of jump into my mouth at the sound of his must have been the massive amount of chocolate I just consumed.

"This even better than furry beards."

There was rustling, then Dave came on the line "Hullo?"

"Your legs look quite nice in a dress."

"Georgia?"

"Oui"

"ohmy-how-I mean,what,er..."

"You have been spending too much time with Elen,Dave,she's rubbing off on you."

Dave went "Ooo-er" whicg made me laugh aLOT.

There was an awakrd pause, then he said "How are you,Georgia?"

"I'm beyond fab.I'm working on the sets for a concert thing, and eveyone I work with ,I call them the Beardy Barmy Army,are as mad as you.I taught one of them Jake,I call him Jake the Laugh because he reminds me a lot of you,he even smiles and laughs the way you do,anyways,I told him about the Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Pants" and now everyone is doing 's an international PANTSsation.:"

"Ooo-er.I guess I better now call you Georgia,Queen of the PANTS."

"I've got dance in my PANTS."

"The bigger the PANTS,the harder they fall."

"All you need is PANTS."

"Stop In The Name of PANTS."

"Every PANTS Has A Thorn."

"Heaven Is A Place In My PANTS."

"When I Look Into Your PANTS"

We could have gone on like that forever but then Masimo walked looked at me, then at the phone,then back to me again.

"Who you talking to?" he asked if I'm cheating on over the phone, snogging someone else,that's 20 thousand miles away.

Dave said "Is your boyfriend there?Does he have his handbag?"

I said to Dave "Shutup" but Masimo thought I was talking to him and grabbed the phone from me 'Who am I talk to?"

Unfortunately,the Ace Gang decided a sing-along was in order and was singing :"The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of PANTS."

He looked at me "What is the meaning of this?"  
"Er,it's the music channel.I was just calling to request a song.I'm very bored and couldn't think of anything to do."

He stared at me and I was afraid he was going to yell at me,or worse,break up with me,but instead he sighed and said 'I am want to do something,just me and you?"

He handed me the phone,to hang up.  
I said "OK,let me just put my PANTS on." and I heard someone scream over the phone.I hung up but not before Masimo looked at me "What was that?"  
"Oh,fax machine." I put the phone back on the dresser and stood up "20 Minutes?"

He pulled to him and said "An hour." and snogged me.


	14. Slimy BackSnogging Git

DevineOne -Updating well,now! :)

I own nothing that has to do with Georgia Nicolson,her isms, etc ,they are all sole property of Mrs. Louise Rennison (lucky duck...) !

Though how I wish..OH how I wish!

PLEASE R/R

xoxo, Lauran ^_^

**the slimey back-snogging git  
****Tuesday,November 15**

**10a,At the Hotel**

We've been given an extra day off.I wonder why.

Jake came over and told us.

I said "It's probably because we've been working so hard." and I replied "Or Randy has eaten so much that he has gotten stuck in his flat." and Jake nodded

"Yes,that's more likely than anything."

**11am**

I wonder how the Ace Gang are?

**2 Minutes Later**

And Dave?

I'd ring him but Masimo's writing won't let me see it,though.

Oooh-maybe he's writing a song for me !

**35 Minutes Later**

How could Dave go back to Emma, if he has,I mean ?

What could he see in her?

I know Jas would say "Well,she's really nice.' but how nice can you BE?

She's always happy.

It's a bit creepy,really.

Maybe she's like one of those stalker types who are fake around their boyfriends and in public but when they're alone they do animal sacrifices?

Oooooh-now I've given myself the heebie jeebies, and Masimo's out doing some cd-popstar thing.

**2 Minutes Later**

He's probably practising how to smile and sign autographs at the same time.

**3p**

Took a long,moody walk to think things over and to not drive my self mad.

It's really quite nice here.I would have liked to live here with Masimo,if it wasn't for all the Americans saying 'Howdy' and smiling aLOT.

It's like living in a nation of Ellens in really,really big shorts.

**Wednesday,November 16th**

**3p,Back to Work**

News breaking news!

I guess Randy just found out Kate's been stealing money, and she's been fired so they're holding try-outs for a new backupo singer/dancer.

This could be my big chance...I can see it now.. all these singers come and beg me to dance in their music videos and offer me millions of dollars if I do.

I turned to the Barmy Army "What do you think?"

Dereck "Do it!Then we can call you the real Dancing Queen!"

The others bowed at my feet. What loonies.

"Ok.I will."

I caught Jake's eye and he smiled and gave me the thumbs-up.

Just like Dave did before I went on in _Rom and Jul_.

Try-outs are Friday so I better get on the ball (oo-er).

**Friday,November 18th**

**5p,Try-outs**

There's about 20 people here,and we've been given numbers.I'm number 18.

I am sooo nervous.

I've been dancing like mad, dancing everywhere I go and I think I've got the moves and steps all memorized and so on, but what if I trip and fall on my face?

Or even worse had one of those mad laughing fits where you laugh and can't stop?

Like on our class trip to Germany when Herr Kamyer said ",here ve are." and opened the wrong side of the compartment and fell off the train.

Hahahahahahahha,ohgod, I'm doing it now,I'm having a mad laughing fit ...

**15 Minutes Later**

Had to run off to the loos to get a grip .

I very nearly missed the start.

Try-outs are going very well I think,though.

I have an edge because I've been at rehearsels every day for the past month or whatever,I already knew all the dance steps, and everyone else was new.

We have to dance one at a time, doing whatever dances Randy called out, like the hussle and so on, and then we had a big group dance-off .

At then end whoever's number Randy calls out is in the final dance off.

**5.20p**

Randy came out with the other was obviously trying to catch my eye and smiled.

Ohhh God,now I really am I have to go the piddly diddly department very badly.

Randy cleared his throat "The following numbers I call will move on to the I do not call your name,please take your things and leave immediately.1,5,6,7,12,,14,16,17,AND ...

**5.25p**

Did a victory dance with the Beardy Barmy Army.

Everyone's looking me like I've lost my mind, which I may have but I don't care..I'm in the final dance off!

Randy clapped his hands "Ok,settle down,everyone,settle whose numbers I called,take your place in the middle of the floor."

Randy put a cd in the player then started a song -it was "Dancing In The Dark"

I didn't dare look at Jake.

**1 Minute Later**

This isn't so bad.I closed my eyes and tried to remember what Mum's Cosmo said ...something about dancing by your self...Oh yes,dance by yourself.

**5 Minutes Later**

I didn't even notice the music was off untill everyone started clapping and cheering.I opened my eyes-and I was the only one left on stage.

Oh my giddy god-I'm a back up dancer,officially !

**20 Seconds Later**

Oh my Giddy God's PANTS-I have to dance in front of 20 million billion people.

I think I'm going to faint.

Masimo came up to me "You dance very well,caro." and hugged me.

I nearly did faint then.

He is sooooooooo gorgey-porgey and he's mine all miney mine mine.

He said "You want go for out eat,to celebrate,me e you?"

I ndoded like a nodding thing on nod tablets.

"I have things I must do, I see you in 15,caro, and then we go."

**Waiting for Masimo**

Doing my hair,makeup,so on.

He said I danced well and I didn't even have any makeup on !

And I'm sure I had redness of the whole head.

Ooooooh !

**2 Minutes Later**

It's not the same as him telling me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world,like Dave did,but still.

**15 Minutes Later**

I bet Dave would have loved my mad celebratory Viking Horn Dance.

He would have laughed.

Not stare at me as if I've gone mad, like Masimo did.

Oh well,Dave is yesterday's news and Emma's boyfriend.

She can have him.

**1 Minute Later**

Still,I wonder how he is?

**Monday,November 21st**

**10a**

It's the last week of practice !

I can't believe it's been a month already!

I said that to the Barmy Army "Only three days left!"

Jake looked shocked "Thanksgiving is only three days away?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

He laughed "I forgot, you're concert is going to be a Thanksgiving Celebrational Concert."

He laughed at my confusedosity 'It's a tv show, that's on every Thanksgiving, viewed by over a million people."

Oh, bloody,HELL.

**10.15a  
**I think I am having a nervy breakdown.I have GOT to find Masimo.

**10.30a**

And as usual,no one seems to know where he is.

I went to ask Kate,as they're always practising together,but no one knew where she was either.

I don't know why she is always hanging was fired ages ago.

She's like a Hamburgese verison of Wet Lindsay

**11a**

Sitting in the loos.

My eyes are all red and swollen from crying but I DON'T CARE.

I found Masimo..snogging Kate in a closet...and what's more she didn't have a shirt on.

Or a bra.

Bloody f'ing HELL.

This whole time, the whole trip,he's known Kate, the sneaking,stupid,crummy foreign lying snake...

There was a knock on the stall then Jake said "Are you ok Gee?"  
"No, I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on I SOUND OK?"

He sighed "Listen, I know.I found out this morning, and I was trying to find a way to tell you, but I couldn't find you, and I figured you guys had made up..or killed each other."

"Why,can you help me kill him?"

He opened the stall and looked at me,sadly. "He's a lying,rotten sack of shit but I wouldn't murder 'd be a waste of a perfectly good axe.' which made me of.

He knelt down and took my hands "Gee,you're a beautful girl, and you don't deserve a git like 're honest,and funny, and smart, and beautiful."

I looked at him .My eyes stung from the mascara running in my eyes but I din't care."You think so?"

He took a piece of loo paper and wiped my eyes "Yes, you are, outside and in.I've never laughed so hard since I met you."

"Laughed?"

"Yes, the things you come up with,the PANTS,and furry vikings, and .."

"Actually most of that was Dave."

"Who was Dave?"

"He's someone I knew back 's alot like 's got the same crinkly smile, and blue eyes and long lashes..."

,red bottom, down!

Jake smiled "Did you guys..have a history?" 

**11.30a**

I told Jake all about Dave,even the bits about the ad hoc snogging.

He was quiet when I talked,and when I was finished he was quiet a bit then he stood up and said "I see."

I looked up at him "Wot?"

He exhaled,puffing up his looked like a in a good way.

He knelt down to eye level.

":Don't you see why we've gotten along so well? And why I was-why we spent so much time together and I thought you werre, well,I was ,but I don't know about you-falling for you?"  
Oh my giddy god.

"You-I -what?"

"You're in love with him."

"Who,Masimo?No, he's a slimy back-snogging git."

"No, not Masimo,Dave."

I stared at .

"Me and Dave?'s just a mate.."

"That you 'snog'

Jake raised an eyebrow so I said quickly "But in a matey way."

"Do you want to -stay with me tonight?"  
I looked at him "I'm sad,not desperate." and he laughed.

"No,so you can call this Dave and tell him."

"Er,I don't think that's,I mean..."  
Jake just looked at me

"Ok, but I have to get my clothes and things from the hotel."

He smiled and helped me to my feet "Ok,meet me after rehearsels are get some makeup on, smile, and show Masimo what he's missing."

"Ok,I will."

We walked to the sinks.I looked at him "Do you realize you're in the girls' loo?"  
And he started a bit I started laughing and we just stood there,hugging and laughing for ages.

**10p,Bed**

Brilliant night!

Had a pajama party with the rest of the Barmy Army,watching musicals and dancing all the parts.

The best part was during Rocky Horror when Derke stuffed a banana down his PANTS and sang "Sweet Transvestite".

I almsot DIED laughing.

And I don't even miss Masimo.

**20 Seconds Later**

Well,I do, a little not him,per se, but ermmm...bits of him.

You know what I mean.

**Tuesday,November 22nd**

**10am**

It is sooooo fabby staying here,with Jake, in his little flat thing.

His place is vair groovy 's decorated with loits of old rock star pictures and pictures of James Dean,Marlon Brando back when he was tres gorgey,and then Marilyn Monroe and Madonna.

I said "This truly is the home of a rockstar." ,because we'd been painting rocks for part of the ,it's sooo fab.I want my apartment to be JUST like his when I move to..er...wherever I move.

Today was our first day off together and we spent the day ordered chinese food and we watched Asian movies,like Godzilla, and Shangai we could only talk in really crap Asian accents or the other'd ignore us untill we did.

What a laugh.

**2 Minutes Later**

Speaking of which,laughs I mean...

I saids to Jake as he was getting out the fortune cookies "D'you think,I mean,like,would you..er.."

He looked up at me "You want to call Dave?"  
I nodded and he brought he his cellphone.

My heart pounded about a zillion times a minute as I dialed and I nearly hung it up as it rang, but then Dave's mum picked up .

"Hi, Miss er,Dave's mum,is Dave there?"  
"No,he's I take a message?"  
Boy,it must be nice to have a normal mum,who takes messages insteads of sits on the phone and talks for ages and then goes and wiggles her bum in time to music with boys half her age.

"Well,when is he going to be back you think?"  
"He's out with Emma.I think they went to a movie."

My heart 's out with Emma?Are they dating again,like,officially?

I felt like my mouth was full of poo.

I said "No,no message" and rang off and handed Jake back his phone.

"So...?"

"He's out with his ex,who may or may not be his ex anymore."

Jake closed his eyes " maybe they're just friends,like us."

I looked up at him "You think so?"  
He smiled and pulled me to standing "Yes, now-' he put on a fake chinese accent "let us retire to the living room, for tai chai and chai tea and other such things."

**15 Minutes Later**

Still,I wonder if they're only just mates,like Jake said?

I'll maybe ring Rosie next time I get the chance to.


	15. The Ace Gang Rides Again

THE FINAL CHAPTER !

I own nothing that pertains to Georgia Nicolson...Louise Rennison does!

Thank you everyone for reviewing, and that includes you Chaela-laughluuurver, DTLlover and er...everyone else (sorry I have a very crap memory...except for things dealing with the Gee seriues,go figure!).

Love to all (in a strictly non-lezzie way),

xoxo,

Lauran

the ace gang rides again

**Thursday,November 24th**

**11a**

**The Independance Hall**

Up at the bum of dawn.

Todays the big day and I am soooooooo nervous.I'm glad there's going to be makeup people today.I don't dare put on makeup-I'll probably stick my self in my eye with my lippy,I'm so nervy.

It starts at 1p but we had to be here at 11am for fittings and makeup and so on.

I've gone to the piddly didly department 10 times in the last 5 minutes.I think it must be nervousness.

Or the lemonade I keep drinking.I better stop before I...go.

The costumes are soooo 're little dresses covered in sequins and stars and things, with matching wedges and earrings AND I get to wear a fake beehive (the hairstyle,I'm not going to put a bee's home on my head,you loons) and ginormously long boy entrancers that are especially glittery and sparkly,especially made for me !

I am going to have to make sure the tv people take extra pictures,to send to the Ace Gang back home.

Too bad they will not be here to see it.

**2 Minutes Later**

Too bad Lindsay is not here to see 'd explode in would be a plus.

**12.55p**

5 minutes untill curtain.I think I am going to be sick.

Larry, the costume guy, had to strap down my nunga-nungas down 4 times before they popped out and I can barely breath 's like wearing a corset like they did in Ye Ole Days .

I just hope I don't bust free in the middle of a song.I would faint if I did.

**12.59 1/2**

30 Seconds untill the curtain goes up..oooh gooooooddd...I think I am having a nervy b. with a bit of a f.t. coming on.

**1.15p**

Well,it's actually not going to bad.

During the first set,song by the Four Tops, I tripped over a wire and nearly beheaded a techie with my 'do but otherwise it went OK.

Next is the Supremes, and "My Guy" or,as Alan called it,"My Gay"

I just hope I don't forget the lyrics...

OH NO HOW DOES THE SONG GO? 

**1.18p**

Went completely ballisticamus untill I remembered I was only dancing, not singing.

**1.30p**

Well.

The show is going well.

I don't think anyone noticed I forgot the dance steps and did a bit of ad hoc Viking Horn Dancing instead.

The really,really odd bit is,is I could have sworn I heard Rosie shout "Take 'em off!" during "My Girl" but there's no 's about 10,000 miles away in Enlgand.

**1.45p**

There's a sort of break so I went to get something to eat when I ran into was all red-faced and than usual,I mean.

"Someone is asking about ,I THINK it's have a bit of a funny accent."

"You mean Masimo?Tell him he can kiss my -"

"NO!Nonononono,it's not guy,er,well, he said "You bring back the bird in the bush" and then he kissed the mouth."

Oh dear way...

**2p**

I ran as fast as I could and peeked out round the curtain.

OHMYGOOOOOD.

It was !

Sven is here!  
Hell, the whole Gang is here,plus Tom Dad,,Mutti (who I see dressed sensibly for once) and Libby who was dressed as a Native American clown...errrr...

I almost cried when I saw I didn't because it would ruin my makeup and it took literallly 2 hours to get it done

I wanted to go out there but Randy wouldn't let says I don't need 'extra stress' right if seeing his ginormous bum every day isn't stress enough.

I wonder why they came?

To see me?

Well, most likely.I don't know why else they would fly ALL this way.

I did notice Dave wasn't out there.

Maybe he's waiting for me,backstage somewhere.

**15 Minutes Later**

Re-touched my makeup and hair and went back,but he wasn't around.

I even asked round but no one's seen him.

Huh.

If he wants to be that way,fine.

Go be with his super-tosser girlfriend.

They're perfect for each other-they're both gits.

**5p**

The shows done !

At the end we all had to do this group bow thing, and I was on the end of the line.I saw the Beardy Barmy Army in the wings and motioned them out and they did linksies with me to instead of bowing,we did high the Muskettes or whatever.

What a larf.

I thought Randy was going to explode like a bowl of lard, but he did a bit of kicking only got a centimeter off the ground but still,it's the thought that counts.

I caught my mates eyes and they all stood up and shouted "All for one and one for all !" and "Pip pip!" for the longest time.

It made me a bit teary,really.

After the tv crews had finally cleared off, they could come backstage.

It was like a weep Dad had a bit of a cry.

"I'm sooo glad to see you lot, even you Dad."

"Yes well,you're still grounded for 6 months."

"I know."

Dad looked at me in because I didn't fight it.I think it's because I've grown up some.

I said that,I said "You know,I think I've grown up quite a bit since I've been here."

Rosie said "And out.I'm not a lesbian or anything,but PHWOOOAR!"

She is nunga-nungas have def. because of all the...well,you know.I can't bear to think of it now.

I am soooooooooooooooo happy !

Jas had to be Miss Fungus Knickers and spoil it all by saying "So why DID you leave?I mean,don't you know how STUPID that was?You vould have been killed...or worse!"

I looked at her "Anything else,MUM?"

She turned red and I could tell she wanted to shout at me some more,but Tom put his arm around her waist and said "She loves you and missed you very all do,and looked for ages"  
"We thought you'd gone to Italy" Jas said.

I looked at her "Don't remind me."

I looked at Dad "I thought you were in conferences all month?"  
"Not when I hear my first born has been KIDNAPPED.I mean,that IS what happened,right?"

I darren't look at Jas "Yes, of course. Who would be stupid enough to fly halfway around the world for a boy?"

Mum hugged me and said "I told your dad what I said, about forgetting about being dumped,and that I thought you had moved on."

I nodded like a noddy things on noddy tablets (oo-er!). "Yes, very much so."

Mum turned to Dad and said "I told you so."

Sven started crying and yelled "Group hug!" and squeezed us together.

**15 Minutes Later**

Ok,this is getting a bit I can feel someone's elbow in my bladder.

I called out "Rosie,if you can hear me, tell him to LET GO.I have to go to the piddly diddly department like billio."

I heard Rosie say "Down,big boy" and the pressure was GOD.

As we layed about panting,I said "There's a big meal for everyone at the hall if you want to go."

Libby said "Are you going to Ginger?" she's not let go of my leg yet.

I said "Yes."

"And you going home ,bad boy and not make mummy cry?"

I knelt down so we were eye-to-eye.

"That's right.I'm going home" and she squealled and grabbed me round the neck like a limpet.

**5 Minutes Later**

Tried to shake her off but she's still hanging ,she's got a strong grip.I stood up,Libby still round my neck like mad jewlery.

The Ace Gang looked at me like I was a er,looking-at thing.

I shrugged "Shall we?"

**5p**

It's sooo nice to have everyone here,even Libbs!

Mutti and Vati are going to ground me for about a million years but I don't really care.I'm away from that stupid Italian git,my family and friends are here, and there's LOADS of nummy scrumboe food withOUT mould growing on it !

The Barmy Army and the Ace Gang are getting along quite and Jake are comparing beards which is bonkers within itself.

I am a bit sad, has and Sve,Jas and Tom...and I have no one.

Jake must have sensed I was sad and whispered "He'll come he loves you like I think he does,he'll wait for you."

"I don't know-I wouldn't if I was him.I've been horrid to him,stringing him along and so on..."

Jas looked at me "Oh God are you talking about HIM again?",jerking her head in Masimo's direction.

Masimo caught the movement and looked all gave him a dirty look and he blanched and looked quickly to his plate.

I raised an eyebrow. Jas said "Sven kicked his arse between his teeth and threatened to do it again if Masimo came anywhere near you ever again."

"Remind me to tell Sven how much I love him. And no,actually I was talking about-my 's going to kill me once we get home."

Jas rolled her eyes "Don't be so dramatic" and went back to eating.

**6p**

There's a party with dancing afterwards, but I don't feel much like dancing.I think I am going to officialy retire my backup singing career at the ripe age of 16.

Sven and the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army are making the most of it,thoug,h dancing like vikings...furry vikings with dance in their PANTS.,...

I wish he was here...

**6.10p**

Rosie came and tried to make me dance, but I resisted so she sent Sven to come over, who picked me up and wear me like a he danced.

I think I"ve chipped a tooth,bouncing hilarious though,if I wasn't overcome with poonosity.

I shouted over the music "OK,put me down and I'lll dance!" and he put me down but just as he did the music stopped suddenly and the DJ guy said "Sorry folks but this is a special request' and the song started.

It was "Tracks Of My Tears".

I went to Jas "I don't think I can stand much more of this.I'm going."

"What's up your arse?"  
"This is-well, Dave." I started crying and Jas put her arm round Barmy Army and Ace Gang saw and gathered round.

Rosie looked at Jas "Did she say Dave was up her bum?" and I shoved her, then started crying harder.

"He said it's our song, and he danced and snogged me,then he jumped out my window and broke

his bottom."

"You saw him before you left?While didn't you tell mne?What did he say?"

"It was days before I he didn't say anything, just that this was our song and he loved me"

The girls was deafening.

"He said THAT?"

"When?"

"How did he say it to you?"

"Actually he said it in French."

The girls started all talking at once.

"How romatico!"

"Than he must mean it, it IS the language of love."

"Oooh la la !"

and so on.

Jas had to ruin it all,though, by saying "Yes,but HOW did he say it?Did he say "Love ya." or "Love you,matey?"

I looked at her "Matey?"  
"Yes,I mean..you know..." she trailed off.

I sai "He said J'taime"

"But did he mean it in a matey way,or like,I mean.."

"I don't know,Ellen,he said that, then he snogged me and jumped out my window."

"Isn't your window on the 1st story?"  
"Yes,hence the part about breaking his bum."

"I think you neeed to think about says he loves you, but then when he hears everyone's coming to rescue you,he doesn't." Jas butt in.

Rosie said "But he did spend about 2 days straight out, calling round.I don't think he even slept."

Jools then said "And how happy he was to hear from her."

I looked up "he was?"  
"He disappeared for ages, and everytime we saw him he had red thought he was you know,doing drugs untill Jas said Dave went to Tom's and cried and broke was very upset."

Tom elbowed her "You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"

"He didn't er,I mean,was he ok?"  
Rosie snorted :" soon as he heard from Radio Jas you rung me,he practicaly lived at Olds loved,he's not so messy as my Sveeny, but he drove me the phone rang he practically had a nervy b. and broke whatever he was holding in his had to buy completely new tea set."

"Well, it doesn't 's not here, so you've just got accept it,suck it up and-Oh."

I looked up and over my shoulder.I didn't see anything at first, just alot of people from the concert milling about, chatting and having normal lives, but then the crowd parted like in the movies, and Dave was standing there, in black.

Oh my giddy god trousers.I felt my self go red all over.

"Ergllfl."

He smiled and said "Yes, well,ergllfl to you too."

My legs went all had to hold me up"Steady on,mate."

Dave said "It's not like I'm a sex god or anything."

I looked at him "Shut up"

"You shut up."

"No,YOU shut up."

"NO,you shut up."

"No, you SHUT up."

"No,you shut UP."

Ellen shouted "Why don't the pair of you shut up?"  
We all looked at her..Blimey, that was the first time she ever made a complete,coherenet sentence!

"Er,uhm,like,I mean..please?"

Never mind.

Dave looked back at me.

He smiled at me and I smiled was like it was just us two,alone, and no one else was around.

I started to say "How have you been?" but he started to talk at the same time I did.

We both stopped, paused ,then said "Sorry" at the same looked at each other.

I hate awkawrd this was the tip-toppiest awkwardest awkward silence,ever.

He raised his eyerow so I raised raised both of his,I did.

He raised both his brows high and I did, but made a fish face and he burst out laughing.

"Ha, the bigger the PANTS the harder they fall!"

"All You Need is PANTS"

"By The Track of My Pants."

"That,by far is the nastiest thing I ever heard." but he said it laughing.

Jas threw up her hands "You guys are stupid!" and stomped off .Tom shook his head "She's got a point." and ran after her.

I looked at Dave and he was grinning.

"Want to er,go out side?"

"Ok." He took my hand and the rest started cheering.

I turned and gave them two fingers and they fell about laugihng.I looked back at Dave and he was laughin too.

I shoved him "You're useless."  
"And here I was,thinking all I was was a great snog." and he winked.

He grabbed my hadn "Let's go outside."

**6.30p**

I don't have a coat.

Dave saw me shivering and wrapped his coat around me with him still in it.

He smiled down at me and put his hand around my took my breath away.

To cover it,I said "Hi."

"Hi there."

"How have you,?" I asked and Dave said 'Let me show you" and snogged me.

**7.30p**

Oh my giddy God,Masimo was a great snogger and all, but OHMYGIDDGOD.

He kissed me softly at first, and then was my neck aching so I turned to face him and he zipped up the coat so I was right against was good.I probably would have fallen over.

Then he put his arms round me and started kissing me started out just doing lip-to-lip, but then I opened my mouth a tilted my chin up with hand and and slipped his tongue in my mouth.i felt faint.

But in a good way.

A moan sort of slipped out,I'm not sure how but bit sort of breathed out,shakily.I saw a tear fall from his eye.

"Dave?"  
"I'm sorry It's just..I'm happy."

I felt my face go hot and rasied a hand to it, and realized I was crying too.

I kissed him on the lips, and he lip nibbled, then raised my chin up and kissed up and down my neck then he kissed back to my mouth, and we snogged.

We went on like that for it must have been 20 minutes,with hand around my waist the other stroking my hair.

i did moany in his ear and his eyes widen in suprise but he didn't stop snogging moved his head to my neck and kissed up and down it, breathing soflty.I felt my self go all red and melty.

OHMYGODOHMYGOD.

I put my hand under his chin, brought his mouth back to mine and started snogging him again, and even did nip smiled and mid snog said 'i have taught you well."

I said "Shut up and kiss me.' and we started snogging hand trailed under the ocat and my shirt, and up my ran his fingers up and down it was making me very very...well,you know.

I did moany in his ear again and he pulled me even closer,his hands on my bottom now, and I slipped my tongue in his was feeling very..lumpy and it was making my red bottom raise it's er,bottom.I wanted to snog him so badly that it made me moan again and he monaed back,in my ear and sucked it.I felt my legs sort ofd fall under myself but he caught me and rasied my hands to be around his neck and slipped his hands under my dress and onto my bottom and started kisisng me with major tongue action again.

Dimly I had heard the door open a few moments ago but didn't think anything of it until I heard,like through say "Oh my" and Rosie say "I'd say they made up." and Jas say "More like made out."

I tried to step back form him, but I forgot our coats were zipped togehter, and he fell on top of me saying "Oof."

I could feel Dave all,you ,know,lumpy under me.

I smiled up at them and said cheerily "How do you like the party?"

Mum raised an eyebrow "I can see you're enjoying it vey much."

i realized Dave's hands were still in my skirt on my bum,which was raised up so everyone could see where his hands were.

I went beetroot and grabbed the dress and brought it back down,red-faced.

"Dave,get up."

He whispered in my air "That's not a good idea."

I whispered back "Why?" and he looked at me.

that wriggling about and him wearing tight black leather jean,well,it wouldn't leave anything to the imagination.

I smiled at Mum again. "Anything else?" as Dad came outside.

Mum trned around real fast and said loudly "No ,she's not out here either,lets go inside dears." and sort of hered Dad back to the door.

As he went in I heard him say "If she's doing anything I can think of I am going to KILL her."

As soon as the door closed Sven and Rosie grabbed Dave and mine arms and helped us up.

Rosie had a stupid smile on her face.

"What?"

"So when's the wedding?"

I tried to kick her but couldn't reach.I stuck my tonuge out at her instead and they went back to the party,laughing like they are.

Dave said "Here,let me put that tongue to use" and kissed me again.

We wizzed through the snogging scale all the way to above waist activity and then he stopped suddenly.I opened my eyes "Is something wrong?"  
He smiled and said 'How long?":  
"PARDON me?" I stuttered ands he laughed

"You're I meant was,how long have you known?"

I tried to think back but all the snogging had given me a bit of stupid brain.

"It's always been you.I even tried dating other girls but they were all so dim and dull compared to you.I'm just glad we found you before you did anything stupid with Masimo that you'd regret."

and he hugged me tightly

Uh-oh.


	16. AUTHOR'S NOTE

HEY EVERYONE

thanks for reading my story ! and all of the luuurverly reviews,I mean it,really :)

Part two of the sad,er,exciting life of Georgia Nicolson ,called HE GOT IT IN THE END, is coming to a near you on Sunday !

I love all your lurverly comments and subscribing to me as an 'author' and my stories,yay!

I hope you lot read the second half of my Georgia Nicolson series fanfic...thing !

If you don't...I'm coming for you ! O_o

Haha

Lots of luuurve (in a non-lesbian way,I swear!) to mon amies !

Hey did you know the Gee series has been released in Deustch ?

It's bloody hilarious :)

(I speak German,French,English -well,American-ASL -american sign language- AND Spanish plus have to learn Latin, blaghhhh).

Any ways, looking forward to hearing your thoughts soon,

lots of love,

etc,

Lauran


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